Roll Call 70

Thanks, how are we suppose to know. I find this frustrating and overwhelming. I don't know how to help myself...I see my T next week. I really don't know myself or have hobbies. I do, generally, what others want to do or nothing at all. Not very satisfying sometimes.

Hello everyone, I know I've been quiet here lately but I wanted to drop in and say I hope that you all are doing well... been reading posts just haven't been in a good space to reply, January is not an easy month for me though I am holding up quite well considering.

for all of you.

i feel like im being selfish by wanting him to retire but idk. i just want to be with my dad. i love him so much. hes like...the love of my life really...

im a daddys girl

hello everyone.

The love of your life? What does that mean?

I'm my father's daughter, too, for better or for worse hahaha.

*Sleeps more*

Injection today.

I don't mind sleeping but staying awake sucks.

office smells like gasoline -__-

Well that's right weird if I do say so myself. ~_~"

Sleep, smoke, be awake and hate your life, go back to sleep, smoke more... yeah I get it, trust me.

i mean im attached to my parents. mainly my dad. we do everything together and we are very close.

hes the love of my life in the most purest of ways. the bible teaches selflessness towards others and obeying your parents. i do all of that with him (show selflessness and obey him). because i love him and he respects me back.

thats why i havent gotten a job because he advises me not to. hes very wise and a respectful person. to not take his advice i feel id be falling into wayward hands or the hands of evil/devilish ways. all he asks is for me to finish my schooling before i get a job. which is hard for me because i need something to take up my time but my point is...is i try to respect him.

Oh I see, thank you for explaining. Forgive my confusion, I have not had nearly enough coffee yet today.

I thought that said "attracted" lol. I was like ok I don't judge so I kept reading xd

love comes in all forms. like someone loves their parents, i do too. but my love for my dad is just times that because hes been so good to me and respectful and has never treated me harshly. i worry about him to the fullest. hes been the best parent ever. best dad ever.

I used to get that hallucination once in a while....

That's strange, I've perceived gasoline in various places when there was no way it could have been there so... little psychosis things..?

ive smelled things burning before. sometimes i wonder if i have a tumor in my brain or body

I like that smell

*My gas tank gimmi*

Yay Concerta kicked in. Difference is hard to believe.

im not sure if its a hallucination or not, i mean its perfectly possible someone just has a leaky bit in their car or worst case scenario maybe theres a gas leak. but i kind of like the smell too, its just making me dizzy (っ- ‸ – ς)

Yeah for me it tended to be strong smelling things and usually bad things, cigarette smoke, boiled cabbage, gasoline but I did get garlic bread once which was nice.

Haven't you had that checked? I thought you had an MRI?

I've smelled rotten smelling food before, as well, but for me that was a PTSD related thing... like a total flashback and I wasn't in the present moment at all, so it was like psychosis but not quite.

i had an mri a few years ago.
but i still think there could be one growing out of the blue!
last time i smelled a strong burning smell i just had drank a glass or two of wine and i thought i was going to spontaneously combust. like my body you know? i thought my body was burning from the inside out.

i just wanted to say that after spending this vacation time with my dad, i understand that its probably mostly loneliness that affects me so much. i still had bad anxiety over this past time but the loneliness was virtually gone including my symptoms. apart from a few pop up ones.

How is the cutting down cigarettes going?

I'm just coming up to 3 weeks without a cigarette...

In just over a week I'll be starting cutting down on my mouth spray.

It's going really well actually, I'm down to 8-10 a day which is a huge improvement... I was smoking a pack and a half just a couple of months ago.

Good on you for the three weeks! That's ****ing awesome!