Roll Call 70

i feel so alone. even with my dad here. i feel like i want to hurt myself. but id rather drink. i havent drank in 3 days or so.

Morning. Hope everyone has a good day. I'm just working. Boo

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apparently my tax forms are no good for the application anyway because i only worked half a year last year, so i just need to bring in 2 paystubs. that makes my life easier :0

so i started listening to this podcast and im in love with it already. ive been listening to welcome to night vale for a while and wanting a new strain of that kind of thing and someone recommended this one called sayer? its sooo good and its narrated by an AI that reminds me a lot of shodan from system shock. id listen to it at work but his voice is too soft its like asmr i want to nap when i hear it. nap and die horribly in space

Afternoon everyone!

Just back from walking, ended up doing 3.5 miles today. Not sure, why just felt like it.

Yay! Good for you!

I just had a gander over that website. Looks like a nice place with some food to die for!

Sounds like you're in for a great night...

yeh loial that a good stroll! i always feel better after a 30 min walk to the grocery store etc. i noticed today though that the temp has finally dipped right down. Its at this point that i start wishing for spring haha.

i just want to move away so bad and get away from everybody.

my chest is hurting

Prozac from 80mg to 60mg. He's wants me on Lexapro (Escitalopram) because it doesn't cause an interaction with the meds as much.

I didn't ask for the Modafinil yet idk I'm going to take the Concerta as prescribed longer and see if that helps.

Get away from who? I thought you were pretty isolated anyway... you already complain about being lonely...

anyway though...

Speak for yourself, I'm glad we are getting more winter-like weather...

Just praying for some snow now, although it looks like we aren't forecast for any...

get away from my family.

i know i complain about being lonely. but its so hard to live with my parent. well not hard but...agh i probably shouldnt go into the details.

part of me just wishes i could get this degree already OR do the fun parts already. i keep thinking about different majors. like is philosophy right for me? or should i be doing art like photography? or something practical like almost everyone says and take business (which will not make me stand out on resumes).

and then its like i just want to move out already and get a job. i wish i could just find a roommate or something and move. someone i know and trust. my dads really skeptical. extremely about finding people online. so am i though.

i guess i just so badly want to be independent and live my 20s in a fun way and make money and not stay stagnant on disability. its like...a curse because my dad has told me NOT to get a job and finish my schooling. my mom and sister say GET A JOB. yet disability will be taken from me probably when i need it most. they dont understand i cant just do whatever i want and keep it. it at least has more flexibility than SSI but still...

im 25 and havent done crap shite.
nothing fun.
nothing to make money.
no friends.
no boyfriend.
nothing but pass 3-4 college classes in the past year.

i calculated my college credits a week ago.

if i stand to get enough to goto University as id like id have pass every class by taking 4 classes a semester and in may and winter.

id still be at this community college until summer of 2017

but that INCLUDES maymester and wintermester AND summer. idk if i can handle it or not.

what do u think i should get? im torn between the burger and the waffle thing with duck and poutine on it

you say what ur dad and mom tell you to do, but what do YOU want to do? also, if you get a part time job with limited hours you wont lose ur disability. the amount you cant make over is $810/month. ive worked for almost 2 years, Social secuirty knows this, they know how much i make and what i do, and i never lost my disability for it.

That waffle looks really heavy----duck confit is cooked in fat and its got fois gras and cheese too-----maybe if it's really cold out and you need something like that but I would stick with the burger.....

Can't believe Alan rickman has died, bless him

yea i keep saying what my my mom and dad tell me what to do because i feel like they are so wise. they have been successful in their lives doing what theyve done before so its hard to see them being wrong. not saying they havent made mistakes but from what ive seen and known they havent made many bad financial mistakes in their lives. they own multiple houses and lots of land and have money in their pockets...

but they also dont seem that happy all the time. they say they are though. i feel like im the burden that doesnt make them happy.

i want to get a part time job. but only because i want something to fill my time up in the day as i get bored. although...besides my dad saying i shouldnt...i worry about how im gonna keep it up.

how much total do you get working and with disability? if i may ask? do they take some of your work pay out of your disability check?

i could talk with my dad all day but i still think he wont let me work. he warns me very seriously.

no, they dont take anything out of my checks. i see that you say your dad wont let you work. you're an adult newtus, you can do what you want

true true.... prob will go with the burger!!! idk about foie gras anyway... never had it, dont know if id like it

i get $785/month in disability plus i make 8.37 an hour at my job, with an average of 20 hours a week. the $810 limit only means income from a job, it doesnt include ur disability payments

oh god i walked to the grocery store to pick up some hot pockets for the rest of the weeks lunches and when i came back i ran across a puppy that started following me. i bonded with it almost immediately even tho the whole walk back i was just telling it (and me) I have to go back to work i cant keep you!!!!! and who knows if it belonged to one of the houses around i think one of them runs a doggy daycare or something? but it was so little and it didnt have a collar or tags so i couldnt tell where it could be from. i played fetch with it for a bit and watched it dig around but once i went back inside it went running off and tripped on the curb.

idk i wish i could get a service dog or some kind of comfort animal. i used to have a rat but he died this summer. i hope it gets home safely bc im having a lot of intrusive thoughts of it on the side of a road somewhere

thank you junkdna

If I work full time minimum wage, I get 1200 of disability instead of 1600 so 2700. It's only like that in my province of Canada. In the other provinces, it's about half like in the United States.

I forgot to talk about the plans idk what I'm going to do when I finish my English course.

My psychologist is going to call today so I'm going to talk about the supportive housing because..

I just can't stand my mom and step dad. It's a nice basement but maybe this is a psychological problem where I can't study there like OCD that I have to work on changing idk

No ones renting my apartment and she won't even let me move in for the time being. I'm almost 20..

Idk if this is a normal situation or not. Not really sure what to do. I feel intimidated by everyone like my treatment team even.

My dad is the only one that works towards my future. I'll text him..

I want to live in peace where I can work, have a life and study and then go to school.

I think you should have... "Blackbeard's Ghost"... oh... wrong menu, but that'll be a good start to the night...

Personally I'm a fan of duck, but that Ultimate Burger does sound good too! Tough choice...

Although the veal could be interesting too...