Roll Call 72

I recall the days, very long ago, when a single dose of Klonopin would soothe my anxiety. Almost 30 years ago.

If I were you, if it were me, etc., I would do the weird food thing with your sisters. When I socialized I always found the weirder, the better. Hard to explain.

Weird.
Yeah.
Creepy weird.
Yeah.
Kind of strange in a funny way.
Um-hm.
Kind of fun.
You're weird.
Yeah.

I was in fifth grade when I participated in my first weird event. The Krishna's or Moonie's or some gang were serving a vegetarian lunch in a local park. My girlfriend – pretty strange and mysterious and wonderful – wanted to go so her dad drove us to the park.



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Yeah, Xanax doesn't affect me except for tiredness, but a single mg of Klonopin makes my entire day a lot more relaxed.

As for my sisters, I'm watching most like, will try to talk and socialize.

The last time I took a Klonopin was yesterday at 2pm. It would be such a relief to not take these pills anymore. I would normally get my panic attacks when I wake up, until 12pm. and again around 5pm. This will be an interesting few days. Klonopin has a half life of 36 hours. I also lowered my lamictal from 375 to 300 because it effected my short term memory. I would normally experience my bipolar1 symptoms around 5pm also.

I relayed the message to my therapist via telephone. I wonder what she thinks about me tweaking my med cocktail.

Blue_bird I am glad that today you feel better

Oops. So anyway – I got a copy of the Bhagavad Gita and other crap that I never read but, in the end, I had a lot of fun and most of the kids, in school the next day, thought Donna and I were so very hip.

Donna was a hippie chick even in the mid-1970's which was a little strange. Her dad was a hippie obstetrician. They lived in a huge old house that was falling apart. They had the servants quarters, apart from the main house, redone for the kid's bedrooms. She had a hippie mom and two younger hippie brothers.

Dèvá Vu.

Just my advice.

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I always feel so alone when I'm at my dads house, idk why. They include me in stuff but it kinda feels like they're avoiding me on purpose. I'm not like them, taking 5-6 meds and being a zombie on my computer all day.

Maybe it's just paranoia, or maybe they really do feel like that. Dad's girlfriend likes me well enough, I guess, but conversation seems forced.

I feel like this when we have family gatherings. I tend to just sit on my own and watch everyone interact unless I'm drinking I hardly ever talk. Not because I don't want to its just that I think I'm like the weird one of the family and they don't really want me hanging around.

My friend that I stopped being friends with recently sent me a message. She hopes I'm okay and she's sorry. I don't know how to feel about it. I was super convinced that she was against me somehow and that she didn't want to be my friend anymore because of my illness. I dunno. I do miss her. I haven't responded yet.

My hair is very soft today. I like touching it.

I was convinced yesterday that I was poisoned because I was dying yesterday. My stomach imploded and it was aching so much I could hardly move. I feel less convinced I was poisoned today, but I still feel a little scared that someone might be trying to harm me. This stomach pain and sickness started AFTER I told my therapist about

And the voices have been warning me that something bad will happen because of what I said, then I was hearing His voice again and that made it feel so much worse, then I kept getting messages and signs from everywhere. Movies, music, media. It's all happening because I told my t about what happened. If I say nothing else about it then nothing bad will happen... Right?

nothing bad will happen.

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Quiet day today. The boys are off so it's just me and my daughter. We played games and she baked a cake .
Right now my dogs are whining because I won't let them in the bedroom with us lol

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Almost 4 o clock, can feel anxiety trying to sneak up again.

Tonight is a weird food tasting contest, and also baked potatoes. The antisocial part of me is arguing with the side of me that wants to go.

nice day at the gym and then i stocked up on lots of fruit and juice and protein. =) !
i'm gonna use one of the bath bombs i got at lush tonight and watch more of the fall. blease let me get to meet gillian anderson again when i'm not an awkward ugly mess in spandex

Waiting at little Caesars...so much for hot and ready lol.
What's everyone up to tonight? We're just going to eat some pizza and watch the x files. Nothing exciting.
It's freezing here tonight brrrrr. Wind chill values below zero. My poor dogs having to go outside to pee.

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I keep spacing out. Staring st the wall for awhile just not moving through joining thinking a lot.

im just listening to some music and reviewing school assignments.

whats happening right now?

Just bought my last pack of fags. No more after this

i wish you luck in quitting!

Thanks! I've quit before so I should be able to do it again

I was in marshalls and I suddenly realized how alone I felt and I had an intense longing to be with my mom. I cried and left and now I'm at my moms again. I feel like a little girl that needs her mom around all the time. My mom wasn't really around when I was a child. At least she's around now. I keep obsessing about when she's gonna die and what will happen to me

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ok sorry i complain here so much

No you don't, roll call is here for everyone to say what's happened in their day or what's on their mind. We're all here to help eachother nobody is judging you.

Command hallucinations...

really don't feel safe

i can't ****ing sleep.

i feel like people are tired of me here