[newtus]

I figured Id make a seperate thread for this because its such a huge concern and I didnt want to fill up roll call with this so much.

College is a huge stressor. I talked to a peer support specialist yesterday about my drinking and gambling and other stuff. I noticed my drinking really started a lot after i dropped my fall classes and started up wintermester classes. I just fell into drinking and gambling and other stuff. Pretty much neglecting my schoolwork yet in fall, wishing i was in school after i dropped out.

I dont see myself as being able to work. Or sometimes even goto school.

Im taking Biology and English right now and i wont pass biology and will be lucky if i pass english. Maybe my depression is still here and im trying to fill it? Idk.

Anyone else in college and have trouble with mental health or just struggling in college?

[Blue_Bird]

Honestly online classes are hard to motivate yourself to do. I have some credits from them but I'm switching to going in person to a community college when I move. I think that will be much better for me personally for having more of a social life and participating in actual class discussions not online and doing things hands on, especially with a Biology class.

Kinda off topic but why exactly do you not see yourself as being able to work? You're relatively stable with the exception of some mood problems, it would be a good opportunity to get out of the house and meet people and give you experience for your future. Ticket to work is a great program it seems from what junkdna posts, I am going to try it once I'm settled in an apartment. Try not to limit yourself.

Back to the education thing, I know you're majoring in philosophy but is there anything else more practical you could see yourself getting a degree in? I think maybe because you don't see yourself ever working that's holding you back from exploring other options. You could always continue with philosophy and get a degree in it if you want but think in terms of job outlook, what's going to be in demand for a long time? Nurses, psychologists, etc I could go on and on, hope I didn't offend you just want to offer an opinion

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Honestly online classes are hard to motivate yourself to do. I have some credits from them but I'm switching to going in person to a community college when I move. I think that will be much better for me personally for having more of a social life and participating in actual class discussions not online and doing things hands on, especially with a Biology class.

Kinda off topic but why exactly do you not see yourself as being able to work? You're relatively stable with the exception of some mood problems, it would be a good opportunity to get out of the house and meet people and give you experience for your future. Ticket to work is a great program it seems from what junkdna posts, I am going to try it once I'm settled in an apartment. Try not to limit yourself.

Back to the education thing, I know you're majoring in philosophy but is there anything else more practical you could see yourself getting a degree in? I think maybe because you don't see yourself ever working that's holding you back from exploring other options. You could always continue with philosophy and get a degree in it if you want but think in terms of job outlook, what's going to be in demand for a long time? Nurses, psychologists, etc I could go on and on, hope I didn't offend you just want to offer an opinion

i really just chose philosophy because its what i would probably be interested in. im not even really interested in anything else.

idk. i dont see myself as being able to work. i already know id also quit the job in 2 weeks. like i did my first one. ive only ever had 1 job when i was 17. quit it to finisg high school. i apparently dont stick with things.

im just really skeptical about the ticket to work thing.

i feel like part of my problem is my dads views on what i should do. a lot of you may not have a parent that your ideas are closely matched up and who you relate to so well and admire. but if you do maybe you see where my problem comes from. at least part of it anyway. :/

i know im an adult but when i ask to do stuff i cant do it sometimes. i asked to move out and i was told i would have to make more money to do that. so i have no choice but to get a job. but then my dad said i dont need to get a job. i just need to goto school.

in essence, he might be trying to keep me in 1 place (school) because he knows i jump from thing to thing.

im not limiting myself so much as im probably letting other people do that to me. but i wonder if my dads just trying to protect me from jumping from job to job and stuff, by saying i need to do school. cuz ive already jumped schools.

[newtus]

idk ive only had 1 job in my life. but based on that and how ive handled school it seems like i would go from one to another. maybe not.

I wouldn't go to college just for the sake of it. I'd have to be really passionate about something and know I could make a life from it. Also, online college doesn't work for me, I've tried it and I'm much better hands on attending lectures.

When school wasn't working for me and I wasn't going anywhere with it I got a job, worked for a couple of years and then went back to college. It really helped me get my priorities in order.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

idk ive only had 1 job in my life. but based on that and how ive handled school it seems like i would go from one to another. maybe not.

Past a certain point work becomes about money......you don't quit if you want the money.....

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Past a certain point work becomes about money......you don't quit if you want the money.....

im becoming exactly what i despised id be. about the money. i told myself id never work for just the money. wow...

[newtus]

Originally Posted by chickenfoot

I wouldn't go to college just for the sake of it. I'd have to be really passionate about something and know I could make a life from it. Also, online college doesn't work for me, I've tried it and I'm much better hands on attending lectures.

When school wasn't working for me and I wasn't going anywhere with it I got a job, worked for a couple of years and then went back to college. It really helped me get my priorities in order.

i was passionate about it for a very long time. still kinda am. but i dont see myself making a life from it. i told myself id write and do all this stuff.

i havent done a thing to pursue my dream.

[The_little_didgee]

Have you considered working in a trade? There are some very unique opportunities besides the traditional trades. A lot of these jobs involve creativity and artistic talent.

I'm 38 and only worked one job that lasted for three weeks. I was 21 at the time and worked in a retirement residence as a dietary aide. It was an unpleasant job. I finally got a job at the age of 37 when I accepted an offer to train in the very unique trade of clockmaking. I usually work three days a week which is enough for me. My boss is very understanding and flexible.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Have you considered working in a trade? There are some very unique opportunities besides the traditional trades. A lot of these jobs involve creativity and artistic talent.

I'm 38 and only worked one job that lasted for three weeks. I was 21 at the time and worked in a retirement residence as a dietary aide. It was an unpleasant job. I finally got a job at the age of 37 when I accepted an offer to train in the very unique trade of clockmaking. I usually work three days a week which is enough for me. My boss is very understanding and flexible.

i never thought about that. but i have thought about getting a certificate. i know the typical trades but not much more.

[newtus]

im afraid i cant quit now. i mean i cant just quit...or stop doing what ive been doing. but ive talked to my dad about this. all he says is "you just need to study harder".

i know im an adult but its just not that easy to quit doing something that youve been doing for a long time. especially havent truly achieved much with it but just a bit.

i really need to think a lot about this. and have many talks with my dad.

My brother has been in education and part time work and he's in his late 20's. I'm going to ask him about it today I'll report back because I have a few great interests that could automatically just get me somewhere idk. He dropped out in his 4th year of university. I'm not sure how that's different from college. He just told me what the different levels are because no one would explain it to me for some reason and I've been asking for a while.

Newtus, let me tell you about my university experience...
I was the only one amongst my siblings to graduate high school. I was the only one in my entire family to graduate from a university. I had a 3.8 GPA my 3rd year. I took part in the Philosophy club and its conferences every year. I did the biggest speech the university had to offer, the Symposium. Then I all of a sudden felt alienated... and I felt people were looking at me strange. At work my friends seemed like they were trying to hurt my feelings over and over. I had one weekness, which I dare not say but it would crush anyone who shared the same experience as I. Almost a year of losing all of my friends. a year of losing my job and asking if people would please stop hacking my computer, my phone and bugging my apartment. Then my professors started to bring up things about my history and how they perceived me. They were talking about morals and how might makes right, about the peter pan syndrome in the country, one professor used me as an example of an evolutionary misfire. Meaning I wont procreate due to my faults. another one pointed the finger at another classmate and said she could take part in a philosophers happy can't then looked at me and said while Stephen can go to philosophers boot camp for ditch diggers. Yes he actually said that as a jest. over and and over and over. They, I swear to god, called me Meno for a essay I wrote. Meno is a slave owner who can't be taught, he was an asshole, and thinks he knows everything. They called me that. the blows. Id go home and just look at myself thinking what have I become.

I had nothing. Nothing.

After the professsors treated me unfairly, which they did, I had to go tell someone to have them stop. My heart was racing. I tried to kill myself,. I even wrote a letter. Then... I went to affirmative action and the police. I wrote down everything. thinking they were part of this persecution that I found myself in. I was trying to talk to my psychologist but she said she was busy. So I saw another man. I talked and told him the whole story. he said, " excuse me just one second. " He left. (I presume he went tot he head of the place to get me admitted before I destroy my future. He came back in with the saddest face. he told me where affirmative action was I went there and the police.

After that I then continued through the disaster. Then I saw my psychologist after a couple of weeks and she said that I should go to the hospital because I think it may be soemthiung biological. I said no and that it was my mothers birthday. She said I understand Ill be right back. She came in we talked, and then... Knock, knock, knock. The police showed up.

THey strapped me in a gorny in front of the university and I was shipped to the hospital. It was horrible. I told my story, and then the psychologist said, you have the univeristies attention! If there is any way to do that it is through this kind of harassment. They thought I was delusional. he said. I asked him If I was going to be thrown out of the university. His first question is if I hear voices. No I do not. question after question and they gave me a barbaric drug and I had akethasia that was Horrible. I just wanted to die. My future, my friends, my job, everything lost.

After a week on valentines day they let me go. I was told to wait a week and just relax (to0 let the medicine kick in). I then saw my psychologist and we agreed to make a n apology letter. I did. and I sent it to the professors. No response for them at all. Nothing. silence. I still had class with one of them. He showed his cards just by hos he would snub me every chance he had. My cognitive capacity declined because of all the stress I went under. Hippocampus is the center for memory and it shrinks under stress. I had to ask people to repeat what they said, suffer through akethasia. watching my future fly away. I couldn't think. I had severe depression that arised when my delusions did. However, I was only given sz med. I felt like a pup that was abused in a cage.

Then one of my friends talked to a professor and he said thaty I never gave them a real apology. So I wrote a simple letter saying.

I would like to see you and say that I'm truly sorry for what transpired due to my mental illness.

No response at all.

I was given the ditchdiggers bootcamp for philoosphers all along. I stuck through and finished. It was the hardest thing I ever did, completing a degree even though Ill never get to teach, never get a letter of recommendation. It was over. I was put on a new drug, given anti depressants over time, hit with more disorders and having to take more meds with more side effects. that 3.8 gpa slid to a 3.3 and I tried to take the easy classes just because of my condition.

So I graduated, Now what, Stephen? I barely got my old job back. Even with my best friends, who worked there, said not to hire me. I talked to one awhile ago and he was drunk. He said he was so happy that the philosophy professors denied you because it meant I didn't mistreat you because if they did then it was the right thing to do. That crushed me. What a friend, right,

I wish I never went to the university. I threw my physical actual degree in the trash, just the way that you treated the DSM manual. My psychologist, when I saw him he said that you should be really proud of yourself. Not many people graduate after something like this. He told me that I had a lot of courage and diligence and I told him it was all for nothing. I put my head down and walked out of the health center on campus.

You already know your diagnosis. So, you have a leg up on me. You know to check yourself. I see you do it all the time. You're trying to graduate which is great. Take your time, enjoy learning things of first importance. What matters to you. If you don't graduate then consider how much you saved. There is some utility in a degree. I am jaded though. I wish I never went. 80% of what I know is from the library. that I went to every weekend from open to close. I still go! Newtus, find a goal, a mission, something you'll never bore of, like the rose that never wilts. If you discover whatever that is, you will be unstoppable. That's what I did. I still have that mission, the reason I write. No professor can take that away. take your time and take a variety of classes until something crystalizes. Don't worry about pressure from others.

Newtus. before I went to my university I went to a community college for like 5 years just having fun. I loved the community college and its professors there. I still am friends with one of them. Just explore for now and see where it may take you. Ask yourself before class, "how will this course better me?" Philosophy is a hard degree because of how critical it is. but I felt at home and I loved the challenge until I hit the sz wall. You're feeling pressure from other people, just think of it as an experience you don't want to end, like life. Nobody wants to stop lerning about what they love. Sometimes that's the fun, that youre taking interesting classes, instead of going to the Harvard business classes, no offence from that school. What keeps you up at night?

Look at yourself, examine yourself, know what kind of being you are, Your limitations and your possibilities, and somewhere in there your life is rooted. These are tough statements but they're essential to self constructed criticism. What's going to be your contribution to the world?

[newtus]

wow ody.

i feel like thats almost exactly what happened to me except for i got hit with schiz so early in my life but i had the biggest episodes when i was in school. i had 2 major episodes in school. in college. i quit school because of them.

that really makes me think. like this is such a big stressor. school is. i really dont know how im going to get through it.

thank you for your story. thank you so much.

[insilence]

hey newtus, i find using a punishment-reward system works for me. like if you want to drink because of stress, tell yourself "not until i finish homework, or clean house etc..

its best not to "party" until youve done a test etc.., im 38 now, when i was taking some audio courses, i got A's because i stopped using pot and drinking. its lame, but its worth it,

[junkDNA]

hi. i am working and also taking full time college courses online.

here are some things about me: i also thought i would quit any job i got after a short period of time because that's what i did when i was younger. but things are different now for me and i am much older and more responsible and i have been in the same job for almost 2 years now, and was even promoted.

i also thought i couldnt take more than 2 classes a semester without failing them but i have proved myself wrong again by taking 4 this semester and currently i have A's in all of them. i struggled so much in my early 20s with taking classes and dropping out halfway into the semester. i must have done that 5 or 6 times honestly. but, like i said, i am older now and more responsible and also relatively stable.. so i am able to do more.

there are lots of things i tell myself that i cant do because of this or that but then when i do them i realize i have been wrong about my abilities.

ticket to work is a great program. i dont want to be on disability for the rest of my life. i want to be independent and financially secure in the future. im hoping once i can get certified in medical coding and pass the national exam and find a job in that field, i can get off disability and support myself.

in the end, its up to you , newtus , what it is you want for your life and then taking action to create those things for yourself. it's not gonna come to you... you have to go out there and earn it.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by newtus

im becoming exactly what i despised id be. about the money. i told myself id never work for just the money. wow...

that's a nice thought , but it just isn't realistic

[newtus]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

that's a nice thought , but it just isn't realistic

yea i was like in my early twenties when i said that and was crazy passionate about advocating for things and philosophy. i still have some of that passion but its fading.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

yea i was like in my early twenties when i said that and was crazy passionate about advocating for things and philosophy. i still have some of that passion but its fading.

I used to be passionate about science but at nearly 20 years out that passion can fade.....the money well I need to pay rent and food etc so I don't have the luxury of just quitting although I want to retrain in a few years. Finding something you love isn't hard but finding something you'll be passionate about for your entire life is very difficult. There are times I wish I had thought more about the money.

[newtus]

thanks junkdna for your story

i probably need to find a certificate course or change my degree.

i need to think about my future.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I used to be passionate about science but at nearly 20 years out that passion can fade.....the money well I need to pay rent and food etc so I don't have the luxury of just quitting although I want to retrain in a few years. Finding something you love isn't hard but finding something you'll be passionate about for your entire life is very difficult. There are times I wish I had thought more about the money.

thank you SP.

i havent gotten a chance to talk to my dad about this.

theres so many reasons as to why i am in my position right now. i think im afraid to get off disability too. i put so much weight on it for it to get me through life. i need it right now though.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

thank you SP.

i havent gotten a chance to talk to my dad about this.

theres so many reasons as to why i am in my position right now. i think im afraid to get off disability too. i put so much weight on it for it to get me through life. i need it right now though.

But is it enough to get you through life? I mean right now I'm sure it's fine since you have your dad but wouldn't you like to be able to live more easily when the time comes you'll be on your own. To me that's the purpose of school to get you to a better paying job, however there are a lot of things other than traditional college that can be done. My dad for example is a millwright....skilled trades like that make good money with just a couple of years of schooling.

I guess my point is....can you live your day to day life happily on disability with no other finanicial support or is it worth taking steps to start working or go to school with the intent of working.

[Loial]

I'm just going to add some thoughts...

You shouldn't being doing college because you feel pressured. If you feel you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. Simple.

In fact, depending on the sorts of jobs you are thinking of you might not need a college degree... I know over here there are plenty of jobs that only need high school exams. (not sure if it's similar in US or what but...)

In fact, since the recession there have been much less graduate level jobs around here. It's not uncommon to get huge numbers of people all applying for the same jobs, so it can be hard to get them. I'll be going for an entry level job myself probably, so my degree won't be doing me any massive favours, to begin with at least. (although admittedly that's partyl because I'm not looking in other cities, or applying for graduate schemes that would involve moving)

Certainly, it sounds like you live in a fairly rural area... unless you move to a big town / city... degrees might not really be necessary.

It all depends. I think you have a lot to think about.

Oh, I also think to some extent... a job is a job. If it's independence you want you just got to take what you can. That's the way the world works these days.

PS - I would definitely keep doing college if you were enjoying it... but it seems you aren't. I do wonder if that has more to do with your mood though?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

But is it enough to get you through life? I mean right now I'm sure it's fine since you have your dad but wouldn't you like to be able to live more easily when the time comes you'll be on your own. To me that's the purpose of school to get you to a better paying job, however there are a lot of things other than traditional college that can be done. My dad for example is a millwright....skilled trades like that make good money with just a couple of years of schooling.


I guess my point is....can you live your day to day life happily on disability with no other finanicial support or is it worth taking steps to start working or go to school with the intent of working.

probably not. because i do practically nothing all day. id like to have something to fill my day with, first of all.

and then i cant even move out without getting a job. so its not entirely financially good or...you know. its not entirely good.

i mean im happy but not fulfilled with my life. not truly happy. i dont think ill ever be happy though. but id like to be content.

but do you understand the kind of position im in where idk what to do because my dad strongly doesnt want me to get a job or move out? basically do anything beyond school?

im not trying to blame him.
i just feel like im in a position where i cant move in life. but maybe hes trying to protect me? i know he wants the best for me.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Loial

I'm just going to add some thoughts...


You shouldn't being doing college because you feel pressured. If you feel you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. Simple.


In fact, depending on the sorts of jobs you are thinking of you might not need a college degree... I know over here there are plenty of jobs that only need high school exams. (not sure if it's similar in US or what but...)


In fact, since the recession there have been much less graduate level jobs around here. It's not uncommon to get huge numbers of people all applying for the same jobs, so it can be hard to get them. I'll be going for an entry level job myself probably, so my degree won't be doing me any massive favours, to begin with at least. (although admittedly that's partyl because I'm not looking in other cities, or applying for graduate schemes that would involve moving)


Certainly, it sounds like you live in a fairly rural area... unless you move to a big town / city... degrees might not really be necessary.


It all depends. I think you have a lot to think about.


Oh, I also think to some extent... a job is a job. If it's independence you want you just got to take what you can. That's the way the world works these days.


PS - I would definitely keep doing college if you were enjoying it... but it seems you aren't. I do wonder if that has more to do with your mood though?

i enjoy school i just get burnt out easily. when im not in school i want to be in though.

the city is moving closer and closer to me with the major construction sites around here building neighborhoods and stores. but its still rural. im still in the county not city.

i do have a lot to think about.
id really hate to change my major but :/ yea...i have a lot to think about.

thank you!