How do I tell him?

Yea, I can imagine. :/

yeah idk i am just tired of everything.

When was the last time you ate? You should eat something.

i dont want to eat

What was the last thing? I find when I don't eat much I start to black out a lot. And I get really dizzy.

idk i am just super tired everything hurts too much

It would help with your exhaustion if you'd eat something. Sorry, i know you don't want to.

Eating will not help I feel really bad I keep having panic attacks and the demons are everywhere and I can't sleep and I want to scream and everything hurts so much and I can't I just really don't feel good.

You would be stronger for all these entities who are relying on you. At the least, you must hydrate yourself with water and juice.

This situation is a little confusing but I am wanting to understand what is actually going on, and what has transpired from all of this.

ok well it is a long story but i will try basically i have been in hospital twice recently i am out now but i have other entities that live in my head well not live their body's are back in the original world but they use a form of projection to be in my head and they are actually angels Satans angels anyway they tell me to do things and because this world is not real well it is but it was created by God only it wasnt meant to be and in doing so he stole a lot of spirits from the original world which reversed things and now they need to go back which means the sprits need to be returned to the original world so that God cant tke them all because if he does then that will permanently ruin things and as of last tuesday God started to take the spirits because he knew i was close to taking the proof back the the original world to give to the ones who govern that world so that they could fix things but i failed and now he is taking the sprits slowly but still all of them are supposed to be returned which is why all the demons are mad at me and there are good and bad demons and they whisper into my ears and the bad ones were sent by God to hurt me and i have magical powers which i am supposed to use to do some of the stuff the angels want and yeah there is some other stuff but it is complicated.

How are you feeling today, Eden?

I still have to try to get my physical doc to prescribe my gabapentin. I'm too afraid of falling on the stairs again.

When the SW committed me to the psych ward in early April I missed a step outside too and fell down on the stairs. So my knees have been even more messed up because 2 weeks ago I fell on the stairs inside the building. I can't seem to face these stairs now.

Anyway I still hope to get him to prescribe. I was just over there in April or May so I don't know why he's forcing me to come in.

I am sorry about the stairs issue. I feel awful today I feel completely hopeless I honestly don't see the point of sticking around any longer. I feel like everyone wants me gone like everyone has given up on me it is like everywhere I go they say this is not the service for you so what is the service is there even one I do not think so I can't explain my world to anyone properly and yet I am getting sucked deeper and deeper down into the other worlds from this one each minute I feel like this world is rejecting me. I don't know what to do anymore.

That sounds terrible. I think the deepening of the other worlds might be a reaction to you trying to free yourself, but idk.

Anyway, I'm sure your psychologist understands what you're telling him. But you are very elusive. It's like part of you wants to be free, and other parts are trying to lock you down even tighter. So, everything they try gets rejected by these ever tightening restrictions.

We all just are hoping for you to unburden yourself of all this responsibility, and not have to deal with all this anxiety, and I think you want that too.

I do want to be free but I don't think I can be they won't let me ever since I was little they always told me I could not be that I was not born to choose my own destiny that my path was already chosen. I just everything hurts so much they will never let me go and I understand why but it is still hard watching everyone make choices and do what they want and not have to consider how their existence will affect everything else. I can't even explain it how things are tied here and how things spill from other worlds on the edges. All the different keepers that guard things everything has a life force and you can feel it like even inanimate objects can communicate with you through thoughts. But no one believes me.

It's hard, because you are the only person I know of with just these specific beliefs. Others might have the same type of beliefs, though.

It's heartbreaking to read how limited these beliefs have kept you. How they minimize your rights. I can relate to it, and it makes me want to cry.

Until maybe 10 years ago, i believed there was no free will. I believed in predestination, mainly because of decades of my astrological studies.

But now I believe in more free will. I understand it better, despite my diminished cognitive ability. But the gift of free will means different things to different people. You never believe anyone when they try to show you that being free can mean apart from these entities and universes. That you matter too.

i do hope that one day you will realize that everything that we've hoped you could see is true.

i really dont know what to do anymore i keep bursting into tears and shaking and i just i cant stand this i have never felt this bad before i feel like my whole world is collapsing around me i feel like i have nothing steady to stand on i dont know what is wrong with me i cant stay in one place i keep moving between worlds it is hard to stay present in this one. when people ask me to explain it is so hard where do i start with the creatures or the spirits or what there is so much and so many details that they dont understand. it is hard to show people who cant see it. or feel it they dont understand that you can communicate through thoughts or other ways that one can only know by doing. nothing feels right i feel horrible everything hurts so much and feel the others from the other world calling me home only the ones who trapped me here have a strong grip and wont let me go. i feel like i am slipping i am having trouble remembering the days and what happened in them but i am not here the whole day either. i dont think i can keep doing this for much longer.

I can relate to most of what you're going through. I also have trouble remembering the days, or what specifically happens from day to day.

And communicating telepathically.

I'm not fully understanding why you say it hurts. Is that emotional or physical pain?

And "I'm not here the whole day either" - do you mean other individuals in your head? Like DID?

I wish you would try the olanzapine the way the doctors wanted. It takes maybe up to a month or more for a lot of these meds to start working.

I know you hate for us to recommend meds, but there is so much relief you could have with it.

It is so hard to watch you suffer so much. :heart

it hurts both emotionally and physically and there are others in my head but that is not always why i am not there i mean in the other worlds where they are but there is one of those worlds which had the bad things in it which is very dangerous as i have to make sure i dont let them through the gates. medication will not help me.

Thanks Eden, I understand a little better now. How often do these demons speak to you? And if and when they stop speaking to you, do you notice anything that you do in your mind/body that possibly makes them go away?

They speak fairly often like a couple of times a day it is more their shadows that have been bothering me lately and they keep trying to get into my head and trick me. Normally they only stop when I have been begging for hours for them to leave me alone and they still haven't but I am exhausted and fall asleep.

Reminds me so much of the years I suffered when I thought I had a stalker.

i just cant get them to leave me alone i am so tired because i cant sleep and i just dont know what to do anymore everything is so hard i just i cant take this.

Have you been practicing ignoring them? They thrive on you listening to them constantly. If you stop listening to them they lose all their power. I know you'll say they punish you if you don't listen to them but, again, you are handing them all their power over you.

I know it's hard though. In my own case I still haven't gotten free of the things that torment me.

I just hope your common sense is in gear when you start hearing the command voices. The last thing you should do is listen to those voices which urge you to do harm.

i have been trying to ignore them all the time but it is very difficult they dont just let me ignore them all day. i feel horrible.