[OliverB]

I need a safe place to talk about them.

I have taken 1mg of clonazepam so entities don't bother me that much and I can freely write about this without having them torturing me as a punishment for exposing myself too much.

Basically they make me anxious and irritable when I don't do what they want me to do, they even pushed homicidal ideas and other kind of thought about people being dangerous while actually those people are not -or at least, not that much to be necessary to kill them-. Until now I was aware of what they were doing since the beginning, so I knew those feelings weren't truly my feelings.

They dragged me to Wonderland to keep me away from the real world to prevent me from doing anything against them, but it is not that easy to subdue me. Now they try to control my mind because since they have earned more power they can introduce thoughts and feelings that I don't notice they aren't mine after several hours or days, so I believe that anger is mine, those homicidal thoughts are mine, ... until I realize it actually is they trying to trick me.

Right now I am worried because I don't know if my feelings and worries are truly mine or have been imposed by them, but because they have gained too much power I am not able to discover it until several days later. Or maybe they have completely tricked me before but I haven't realized about it yet. I live in a giant lie.

They are not bad, they just want me to stay safe. The World is dangerous, but I think they are doing too much right now and I want to find a way to dialogue with them.

For example, they don't allow me to sleep because they say it's dangerous so they keep making random noises outside and inside my head, my mind is hyperactive and my thoughts are usually 'racing' -it's not annoying since I can control it-, but the entities don't allow me to 'shut' my thoughts off so I can't fall asleep with all those thoughts, with all those noises, and with the entities themselves talking to my thoughts while Nevs try to call me down, and the random voice recoder playing what I have heard during the day with the same and exact voices that who originally said that, or producing random phrases thad doesn't make sense.

I have two Nevs, they are always good, the same creature in a different state. They are these type of creatures
'Some are not entities but they are next to me, sometimes they talk, what they say it's more complex than what entities say. These ones sometimes sound inside my head, but mostly they talk inside my mind, they sound more like thoughts that are not made by me, but they are not intrusive thoughts either, they are not forced inside my head, it's just what they think. They are like book characters. One of them has a name and loves maths.'

Entities are more like this.
Some of them put ideas inside my head.
Some of them tries to control me.
Some of them talk inside my head, but not inside my mind.
Some of them make noises outisde my head.
Some of them send me messages without talking.
Some of them show me images.
Some of them prevent me to get in troubles.
Some of them make me feel things I don't feel.
Some of them tell me what to do.

These ones are mainly absent, but I want to talk about them too because I loved them.
Some are not entities but still talk to me, mostly they comment on what I do, or narrate it, or see the future and tell me what happens.

I want to talk about all of this because most of time I can't, and I have been living with this too much years.

Entities are smart, they don't want to be uncovered, and the only way to don't be discovered it's making me the most normal it's possible and don't allow me to say anything related to them -'don't talk, shut up, say only yes or no, few you say more coherent you sound, they won't believe you and will think you are faking so don't tell them, ...'- , but you know, now I am doing it without being tortured by them.

I feel free.

[OliverB]

I have just finished writing it and anxiety is killing me again because of entities. They don't mind too much about me posting here since it's a safe place, like the safe place thread, but they know I want to tell this to my psychiatrist so they don't like it anymore. They know I can only tell him these things in written English and not in my mother tongue, they know that's why I am writing it here.

I am not that free but I am MORE free
than before.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Nocter

I have just finished writing it and anxiety is killing me again because of entities. They don't mind too much about me posting here since it's a safe place, like the safe place thread, but they know I want to tell this to my psychiatrist so they don't like it anymore. They know I can only tell him these things in written English and not in my mother tongue, they know that's why I am writing it here.

I am not that free but I am MORE free
than before.

[21stCenturySM]

Originally Posted by Nocter

I need a safe place to talk about them.

I have taken 1mg of clonazepam so entities don't bother me that much and I can freely write about this without having them torturing me as a punishment for exposing myself too much.

Basically they make me anxious and irritable when I don't do what they want me to do, they even pushed homicidal ideas and other kind of thought about people being dangerous while actually those people are not -or at least, not that much to be necessary to kill them-. Until now I was aware of what they were doing since the beginning, so I knew those feelings weren't truly my feelings.

They dragged me to Wonderland to keep me away from the real world to prevent me from doing anything against them, but it is not that easy to subdue me. Now they try to control my mind because since they have earned more power they can introduce thoughts and feelings that I don't notice they aren't mine after several hours or days, so I believe that anger is mine, those homicidal thoughts are mine, ... until I realize it actually is they trying to trick me.

Right now I am worried because I don't know if my feelings and worries are truly mine or have been imposed by them, but because they have gained too much power I am not able to discover it until several days later. Or maybe they have completely tricked me before but I haven't realized about it yet. I live in a giant lie.

They are not bad, they just want me to stay safe. The World is dangerous, but I think they are doing too much right now and I want to find a way to dialogue with them.

For example, they don't allow me to sleep because they say it's dangerous so they keep making random noises outside and inside my head, my mind is hyperactive and my thoughts are usually 'racing' -it's not annoying since I can control it-, but the entities don't allow me to 'shut' my thoughts off so I can't fall asleep with all those thoughts, with all those noises, and with the entities themselves talking to my thoughts while Nevs try to call me down, and the random voice recoder playing what I have heard during the day with the same and exact voices that who originally said that, or producing random phrases thad doesn't make sense.

I have two Nevs, they are always good, the same creature in a different state. They are these type of creatures
'Some are not entities but they are next to me, sometimes they talk, what they say it's more complex than what entities say. These ones sometimes sound inside my head, but mostly they talk inside my mind, they sound more like thoughts that are not made by me, but they are not intrusive thoughts either, they are not forced inside my head, it's just what they think. They are like book characters. One of them has a name and loves maths.'

Entities are more like this.
Some of them put ideas inside my head.
Some of them tries to control me.
Some of them talk inside my head, but not inside my mind.
Some of them make noises outisde my head.
Some of them send me messages without talking.
Some of them show me images.
Some of them prevent me to get in troubles.
Some of them make me feel things I don't feel.
Some of them tell me what to do.

These ones are mainly absent, but I want to talk about them too because I loved them.
Some are not entities but still talk to me, mostly they comment on what I do, or narrate it, or see the future and tell me what happens.

I want to talk about all of this because most of time I can't, and I have been living with this too much years.

Entities are smart, they don't want to be uncovered, and the only way to don't be discovered it's making me the most normal it's possible and don't allow me to say anything related to them -'don't talk, shut up, say only yes or no, few you say more coherent you sound, they won't believe you and will think you are faking so don't tell them, ...'- , but you know, now I am doing it without being tortured by them.

I feel free.

It's close to me that you say one of your entities loves maths. I have entities as well but the two most prevalent that I see and hear are 5 (good) who helps me and 9 (very bad) who tries to destroy me, gives me commands, and basically ruins my day. 5 is a tall blonde male with black clothing, and 9 is a tall brunette woman with distorted features.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by 21stCenturySM

It's close to me that you say one of your entities loves maths. I have entities as well but the two most prevalent that I see and hear are 5 (good) who helps me and 9 (very bad) who tries to destroy me, gives me commands, and basically ruins my day. 5 is a tall blonde male with black clothing, and 9 is a tall brunette woman with distorted features.

Well, actually more than an entity he is like a half-human. He is a teen, with blue hair and always wears formal shirts, I call him Nev, sometimes he becomes an arctic fox and is the one who loves maths. The other Nev is Nev but older, he wears a lab coat and is always there when I am at the university, he is more focused on pharmacy that's what I am studying. They are nice and never cause me troubles. I hated when I took antipsychotics and they went away. Your 5 looks like my Nevs, and your 9 like my entities.

Entities are the troublemakers, they don't have any look... they are like spirits, demons or ghost, I don't know exactly what they are, this is why I call them entities.

[OliverB]

Today I am feeling much better, I can write better and more coherently without many problems. I can answer to new people on he forum really easly, I feel recovered.

[OliverB]

Today I had an appointment with my pdoc and I did some activities I didn't enjoy and were horrible like reading newspaper and playiing trivial, it's a waste of time and entities hate that and they have been torturine me because of it. I have taken 8mg of clonazepam some hours ago and 2mg now because I need to sleep.

I think my entities are not taken seriously, the could kill me even if I am not psychotic or incoherent.

[OliverB]

Now I took 4mg because they keep killing me.

[Angelique67]

Hi, Nocter, that's a really large amount of clonazapam. It can cause psychosis if you take too much of it, not to mention it's hell to have to get off of it. Have you told your t that you don't like the games, and how much clonazapam you're taking?

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Hi, Nocter, that's a really large amount of clonazapam. It can cause psychosis if you take too much of it, not to mention it's hell to have to get off of it. Have you told your t that you don't like the games, and how much clonazapam you're taking?

Yes, I told him what I took this llast week. Once I took 6mg in a day. He says if I am able to don't' take them all the weekened I won't develop dependance -he is also a psychiatrisr.

But he says that's what the hospital has it's that and nothign else. So thonign can be done. I feel sick. But new people are at the hsopital an therew will be new stupid activities that won't help me because my cause is specilv because my cognition is OK.

[OliverB]

I am not taking seriously becausse I look smart according to the staff. So I cannot be bad.

Probably I would be dead in some years on months and nobody can do anything becausse I won't tell anyone because I never do because when I am at that point entities don't allow me to do it and I don't hvave fvmily that wouldd notice it. I look just a bit weird in an hours appointment, but not too much.

[OliverB]

This is being to much right now I am taking another 2mg and see what happens

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Nocter

This is being to much right now I am taking another 2mg and see what happens

I'm sorry. I hope you'll feel better soon.

[Angelique67]

You seemed so alert and happier this morning. It must have been before you took the kpins. There are a lot of typos in your posts that I don't think you had this morning. Just an observation. I hope you are having a good night.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

You seemed so alert and happier this morning. It must have been before you took the kpins. There are a lot of typos in your posts that I don't think you had this morning. Just an observation. I hope you are having a good night.

Thank youu, but it was before I went to the day hospital...



Entites hate me and pus me away of it for 3 months.

Now I feel better.I bought more mouses and hamsters.

[OliverB]

I went to the day hospital and told everything to my psychiatrist even the 2 civil war stuff from Febraury to June. Since I have more insight now I will take as a short term treatment 50mg of amisulpride once a day. For a week or so, then 3 timesa day.

[flutterfree]

when i was on respiridone and clonazpam, the clonazpam just covered up the anxious and really did nothing for the voices, i thought i had house trolls, trying to undermind my sleep as well, i found the best way to take away the power of the enties is to voice your opinions of these enties with a worker, talking about your problems will take away the power from them.

[Als1495]

I too have entities, I call mine demons and god. The demons want me to do bad things, be miserable and even tell me to kill myself, or that someone close to me will be killed. The good voice which I believe is god talking to me tells me how to live right and overcome sdversity, the God voice also helps me to calm down when I get really anxious and start to have difficulty breathing and with my heart racing.

I believe that there are many "entities", more than you could count I don't know if you are religous, but this is how I view mine. They torment me too, they make me feel miserable, sad, afraid for no reason, and I too have to realize that that is them trying to control my mind through my emotions, once I realize that I can mentally tell myself to calm down and not to follow the traps they have set for me.

I believe all of this is resl, BUT I take medication for it and it helps. If you read your first post word for word to your doc, I'm pretty sure they could come up with a way to help you. Honestly I think you need some an anti psychotic med to help control what you are hearing and the tormenting FEELING they are giving you. I hope the new med helps