Roll Call 86

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentires4me

Well I phoned my mom because I said I would she asked me why I have been sleeping my days away I told her because I am depressed and grieving. Then she asked me why I missed dad I started to say why so she cut me off with "my cousin Debbie story.." which I said how does that relate to my dad or how I am feeling? Basically she said that we have to pay our debts first before we even think about having things in our lives that mean stuff like tablets or extra cash to buy things with.

No one wonder I hate talking to her she's concending and rude!

But I feel like I am wasting away I told my pdoc last week so she upped my abilify what's wrong with her? I told her it's the truth I told her it's the abilify causing it but she said is because you have a lack of self esteem well when your mothers voice plays in your head telling you your fat and then when she says it in real life it's hard not to believe it when you been hearing it all your life! It's incredibly damaging to the psyche, and extremely hurtful! All I wanna do is hide all week and not do anything but sadly that's not going to happen?!?! I'm sick of hearing voices and being told that their not real or to tell them "to shut up go away for their not real" all because my pdoc told me to say that to them! you know it just makes them background noise but I hear the scheming all day long and I don't think I can contain them anymore I'm to lost and sad to be honest and sick of everyone trying to say to me to cheer up because it could be worse, well I have been worse that was 2-3 years when all I did was overdose from 2011-2014. Worse years of my life all because of the voices and wrong dx.

Yet I am really sad, sore, in pain(scoliosis & nerve pain/right ankle),depressed, and probably anemic because today was the first time I ate an meal that wasn't cookies and water.

I'm sorry about your mom

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 07:47 AM

Morning everyone. After a good night's sleep I am feeling better. The only downside of my day is my boss wants to talk to me about a problem with his automation process. I hate talking to him. It always makes me nervous.
I plan on napping today. I'm still sleepy. Not having a job during the day is really starting to get to me. I can't get a real job because of the kids so working from home is my only option. For a while my current job had me working during the day but that ended. I just don't know what to do with myself so I sleep.
I hope everyone has a good day.

Blue_Bird · Mar 06, 2017, 08:16 AM

Hey guys. Doing well. Back at school. Spring break starts for me Thursday afternoon and I get the whole following week off. Excited about that. I ordered the new Nintendo 3DS XL galaxy style , looking forward to that getting here. I'm back to being motivated about school again, and about keeping my apartment clean. I have a ton of stuff I got yesterday from the dollar store for my apartment (cleaning supplies, etc)

12AM · Mar 06, 2017, 09:14 AM

I'm depressed and this is triggering and boring. Obviously not something to enjoy a cup of morning coffee with. Just ignore, I just need a place to vent.

Possible trigger:

Ex put a bunch of his own blood on a paper as his profile picture. I feel guilty and sad. Yes it sounds like a manipulation but I know it is just because his illness that he doesn't know any other way to say "help me". I want to text him telling him that he's not alone and still has me as a friend but I am too afraid of him. This makes me asking myself, is it really the right thing to do to seek my own happiness if by doing so I bring him a very deep pain? I am not going back, if he did something stupid and I have to live with the guilt and pain forever then I would live in guilt and pain, bravely.

12AM · Mar 06, 2017, 09:48 AM

Me got haunted by my past.

Roll Call 86

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 11:00 AM

Morning.

Boring day.

Its been 4 days and i still havent been contacted by this therapy app. Its costing me 156 dollars a month. I hope they contact me today.

Desoxyn · Mar 06, 2017, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Possible trigger:

This makes me asking myself, is it really the right thing to do to seek my own happiness if by doing so I bring him a very deep pain?

Yes! =] You seem to know "The truth" more than him.

Or I'm just being cold hearted right now. But that's what you need to do to be yourself and he will understand that in time.

Desoxyn · Mar 06, 2017, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I downloaded a sample of "Where is your mind?" By Dan Siegel. I might buy it.

I can't seem to focus anymore. Maybe the increase in Concerta will help I hope.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 11:52 AM

Im sick of being constantly turned down to hang out with people. I ask multiple times a week to hang out with everybody i can think of which is only a few people i know. They always turn me down constantly for any and all reasons.

"Sorry. Cant go anywhere. No money"
"Have to work"
"Waiting for a package"

Or the classic
"Just cant today. Sorry".

Sick of this bs. People tell me to ask my friends to hang out. They constantly turn me down.

Mar 06, 2017, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I can't seem to focus anymore. Maybe the increase in Concerta will help I hope.

What is "Where is your mind" by dan Siegal? Is it a book, a movie, a song? I looked it up on amazon and couldn't find anything. One of my specialties is philosophy of mind so it peaked my interest. Oh I think I found his other works. He's a psychologist right? Works on education for children and compassion?

Desoxyn · Mar 06, 2017, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

What is "Where is your mind" by dan Siegal? Is it a book, a movie, a song? I looked it up on amazon and couldn't find anything. One of my specialties is philosophy of mind so it peaked my interest.

Maybe try typing in "Mind" by Dan Siegel. I wrote his name wrong.

Loial · Mar 06, 2017, 12:43 PM

Another day of nothing.

justmeandmyhead · Mar 06, 2017, 12:49 PM

Feeling much better today. Meds must have kicked in. On a training course this week for work, it's a kind of self defence style class. It's been fun today, got to know this girl from work and had a laugh.
We did a role play exercise and I had to deal with someone playing a difficult patient and everyone said I handled it really well. It's given me more confidence for my job

Not weighing myself and just being happy is going well. Haven't had any urges to weigh myself what so ever. I feel better when I look in the mirror, I don't see my weight I just go on how I look and feel.
Hope you guys have a good day.
Sorry to those who aren't having a good one

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 03:29 PM

So i actually got out of the house today and went to see my dads ex wife. But sat on her phone the whole time geez

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 03:44 PM

THIS.

She completely shot me down.

Ill be waiting another 1-2 days for a new therapist match. Thatll be a week where ive been waiting to talk to someone and havent talked to 1 person. Not sure ill keep this long.

Starting to piss me off actually.

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 04:08 PM

What kind of **** is that? She was already matched to you. Why all of a sudden is she not the best match? I'd be ******** since your paying for a service you're not getting. Grrr

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 04:13 PM

My nap wasn't long enough. I'm still tired. Who am I kidding I'm always tired lol.
Feeling much better today. No voices just anxiety. That I can handle. P

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

What kind of **** is that? She was already matched to you. Why all of a sudden is she not the best match? I'd be ******** since your paying for a service you're not getting. Grrr

I hate this. That was the first interaction ive had with her and she always sending me somewhere else. Im ****ing paying 150 dollars for this service.

BullShT

ray68 · Mar 06, 2017, 05:15 PM

That is ******** newtus. I'm sorry, I would have asked her wth she thought she wasn't a good match.

I got some good news today, I think. I just got done talking with the estate representative and the lawyer who was representing my landlady who passed away. They inspected the properties and reassured me that I wasn't being kicked out. Yay! They said I probably have until the fall for them to figure out all the moving parts to the properties. and even then I could request to rent from the estate which he made it sound like wouldn't be too much of a problem. Ah, hope! Finally some hope! I won't be homeless! At least until the fall, haha. In the meantime I'm planning on disputing the f'd up stuff on my credit report from my ex and saving money to maybe buy a house. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they let me buy this house?! Time to buckle down and work. Yeah, baby!

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ray68

That is ******** newtus. I'm sorry, I would have asked her wth she thought she wasn't a good match.

I got some good news today, I think. I just got done talking with the estate representative and the lawyer who was representing my landlady who passed away. They inspected the properties and reassured me that I wasn't being kicked out. Yay! They said I probably have until the fall for them to figure out all the moving parts to the properties. and even then I could request to rent from the estate which he made it sound like wouldn't be too much of a problem. Ah, hope! Finally some hope! I won't be homeless! At least until the fall, haha. In the meantime I'm planning on disputing the f'd up stuff on my credit report from my ex and saving money to maybe buy a house. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they let me buy this house?! Time to buckle down and work. Yeah, baby!

Congrats! I hope your plans follow through for you!

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I hate this. That was the first interaction ive had with her and she always sending me somewhere else. Im ****ing paying 150 dollars for this service.

BullShT

Hopefully they match you with someone else soon. Is there a limit on how many interactions you can have?

Mar 06, 2017, 05:23 PM

She probably got paid just to shoot you down.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

She probably got paid just to shoot you down.

Good lord. I bet that too.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

Hopefully they match you with someone else soon. Is there a limit on how many interactions you can have?

I paid a few dollars extra WEEKLY. Which is probably 20 extra bucks a month to have 2 interactions a day, as long as the subscription is for. Otherwise id only get to talk once a day to them. I paid extra to get two full responses.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 05:48 PM

On top of that, allllll my friends turned me down to hang out. All of them. And this isnt the first time. I rarely see anyone ever. The last i saw of one of my friends was 4 months ago. Ive been asking them to hang out WEEKLY. I get turned down every flipping week. Eff you all.

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