roll call 89

Morning.

Idk what i was thinking. People tell me meds dont wear off fast enough to become psychotic or anything. Last night i wasnt psychotic but about midnight i was hearing voices badly.

I took my meds.

I was hearing birds chirping, seeing demons, everything looked brighter, plus i couldnt sleep.

I'm sorry Newtus .

Therapist said come on let me drive you to the hospital like 3 times. Asked if he needs to commit. I said no plz thank you. Sobbed. I'm feeling better today though

I sincerely regret taking my meds. Idc how much of an asshole people think im off them or how much down the rabbit hole i go.

My friend got me to take them and i ****ing regret it

Group sucked. Wish i never went.

Need a drink. Almost dont give a **** anymore

I was just told that they put me in this place for the rest of my life. I'm so upset I don't know what to do.

Sorry. Im in a pissy mood cuz of group. But i really dont even want my meds. Plus it bothers me that everyone is telling me that i dont have the balls to go off them.

Plus other ****

I hope that isn't true.

uh what???? did they say WHY? what is your diagnosis that requires you to be there fOREVER???

have they said you have dementia?

i broke my phone COOL.

They did some interviews with me to test my alertness and memory. They didn't say anything to me about how they evaluated me. I don't know what labels they stuck to me this time. It's no use to request a hearing until transit Saturn leaves my 12th house. The Saturn return you're going through is the second go round for me.

I wish my life were over. I have to talk to my conservator and ask her why she lied to me. She said I'd be here for a week. And she told my friend she wants me to move to another town with some sort of assisted living. I just wish I'd never been born.

Thank you! It was really hard and I am completely mentally exhausted from the effort of it all, but I'm pleased I was able to support my brother.

How come you're not allowed to drive? How long for? I haven't told the dvla my sz diagnosis. I am scared they will take away my license, which isn't fair because I don't even agree with the diagnosis! But I haven't driven for over a year because I cba and my Mum is around to drive me.

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. Long may it continue!

*Willow*

Gr3tta

I hope things settle down soon and you both find a way through this.

*Willow*

What happened??? Id be so sad

My hair got really long. I'm so depressed as fluck. I don't even know which social worker I spoke to today. There's another social worker for this place. I wasn't bad when I went to the hospital. I had dirty hair. But I was free of hallucinations and delusions.

It was just time for something bad to happen in my life. I'd better keep a cheerful demeanor.

I detest the person at the hospital. She didn't even talk to me, I don't think. Giving me a different dx every time I'm there.

The SW I spoke to today said there are millions of people with my dx (I have no idea what it is now) in this country and they live successfully with jobs, etc.

Why are they trying to kick me off disability? I can't function - I have tried.

Taking or not taking meds has nothing whatsoever to do with "balls"! You can stop meds any time you like, but if you want to stay off them, you need to be 'smart' about it. Ideally you should be stable, so not newly sober. You should also taper slowly to minimise withdrawal effects that masquerade as symptoms. And you need to have a load of coping skills well rehearsed so you know exactly what to do when things get tough. The self soothe box is a good first step, but I'm not convinced you're ready yet. Give your sobriety time to settle first, and practise practise practise your coping skills. That way you will give yourself a decent chance at success.

*Willow*

How can they be trying to kick you off disability, yet telling you that you have to live in a home for the rest of your life??! Did they actually say that about disability or are you catastrophising?

Do you have a lawyer? In the UK, when you are under section, you get free legal advice. I don't know if that's the same in the US, but you need to find out what's going on and whether they can legally keep you there forever.

*Willow*

Meanwhile they're trying to strengthen me up with PT. Why??? Just to live here? That ***** also wrote in the discharge notes that I'm free of physical defects, again trying to dump my disability.

I want to go home. When bad news hits, I want my flucking vape. God damn them!

I'm wondering if they'd be more interested in freeing me if I were married.

i dropped it on my porch and it fell HARD flat on the screen. now the screen stays black even tho the phone is on and working. like i can hear people calling me i just cant see anything

im going to verizon tomorrow. i have an upgrade available

i had just finished sending my therapist a snapchat pic of me with a beard on. KARMA. hes prob glad my phone broke lol

Thank you willow. I think your right.

Let us know what you get

I think i was having an episode earlier. I heard the animals and birds praising me like out of the lion king when rafiki held up simba.

I obviously had too much coffee and i took some prn meds.