Roll call 94?

Well, I got up really late again, like 12:30pm. So I ate fast and went out to vape at 1pm.

I'm supposed to shower but there is a creepy dude near the shower entrance. He already touched me last week, and saw me half naked in my room, and did not look away, as a gentleman should. But I have to shower! Wah!

That sounds horrible angelique

Thanks newtus! I'm wondering if he's still out there.

I'm also on Lithium, Abilify Injections, Ativan and Ambien. Good news is I was able to get a refill on my Ambien today!

I'm sorry to hear this, that sounds terrible. Is there anyone you can tell?

Yes, thank you, but all they could do is ask him to forget I'm here. It would be very embarrassing for me.

Good afternoon/evening everyone. How is everyone?

I'm doing okay, spent the day at my in-laws with my wife. Got mildly drunk, sobering up now. We may be getting my wife a new car, as her car is on it's last leg and has a number of mechanical problems that are proving to be costly to fix.

I don't want to take my olanzapine, I don't feel I need it. It's not good for me anyway...

Oh my goodness Angelique. That's awful. I'd report him to staff. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Welp. Guess im back on tinder.

Not feeling well again .
I have a sports orientation at my son's school tonight so no naps. I couldn't sleep this afternoon, I was waiting all day for my daughter to be done at her sleepover. Of course she just called and is staying for another hour. Kids!
It was nice to have the day off from work. I just have to work tonight. I am on vacation week after next. Can't wait to sleep late and hang out with the kids all day. My kids go back to school the following week bummed that summer vacation is just about over.
Boy I'm just a bundle of laughs today. Sorry.

Its ok valley. Im with you.

Im laying in bed looking at tinder. Lame.

Im a loser

Its my dream to have an education, get a job i like, and to get married. Not necessarily have kids. But maybe.

I hope to do this all within the next 10 years. I know that's a stretch tho. By the time im 35.

Ive got recovery under my belt pretty good. So that goal has been reached pretty much. Not tryiing to stifle it. But i feel like if i had someone that shared my goals and interests, life would be so much better.

I know i shouldnt put all my eggs in the love basket. And im not. May not even spend the rest of my life with this person but i hope so.

I have a secret to share, here. But...i am scared i will be judged. Its important to me, and a lot of my life revolves around it...

I was diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar disorder with Psychotic tendencies in 2014. Yesterday my pdoc asked me to begin the process of seeing a neurologist to get an MRI and confirm schizophrenia. Through therapy I've started coming to terms that it might be my real diagnosis and explain so much.. this is so hard for me and I'm looking for support. I've been in a lot of institutions, but the only people I have met with schizophrenia had it so severe that they couldn't function. Any advice and suppprt on living a normal life with it will be welcome. Once I finish this process they are recommending that I go into intensive treatment.

Before i said it, i just want to say, i was deeply in love with my ex. Deeply. And WAS. Not anymore. But i was in love with him. I still love him but i cant say that im IN love with him anymore.

It wasnt just that i was in love, but i felt so comfortable around him. I could say anything and do anything and he was ok with it. To this day hanging out has never been a problem. We are always cool when we hang out but its over text and phone when things always got rocky.

I cant tell you how many....HUNDREDS...of dollars i spent on him for his uber rides because he didnt have a car. To my house. From work to home and home to work. To his house and other places. Whatever he wanted i gave it to him. I had no problem doing that til a couple of months ago. Then i started to resent him for it. He never saved money. So he cant pay for a car or pay for drivers ed. Cant pay for anything. His aunt maintains his disability as she is the payee. For both that and his work check.

I did so much for him because i literally thought this was the guy i was gonna marry. We even talked about it. Talked about moving in.

He was just addicted to drugs amongst being beyond broke and mentally unstable. And when i read that back to myself NOW...i see it as a disaster.

Anyway yea. Just wanted to share my story.

Does it have to do with Jiffy Crunchy Peanut Butter?

No its darker than that. Sorry to say.

TL;DR

I thought i was gonna marry my ex. Thats why its so devastating to me. Thats why i keep talking about it.

It helps to let it out.

It's a bad day at Spiders Corner. The nurse's aides who monitor the smoke breaks have been doing this lately, hanging out in my room gossiping. And then triggering me repeatedly. It's a disgusting, horrible place and I want to leave already. My newest roommate is very sweet, but she is illiterate and suffering from dementia. It makes it very hard for her to learn how to use her phone. She hasn't been here for very long yet. This is a really depressing place. I want to go!

Im so sorry angelique

I understand that.

I've been wondering if the social worker here is aware of this roommate's conditions. Because they should hire a literacy volunteer for her.

Home from work, I worked late tonight because some things came up at the end of the day. Glad to be home. So home isn't really home. I don't go to my apartment anymore other than to sleep because I don't feel safe there anymore. Instead, I go to my mom's house on the other side of the town. About to figure out dinner for tonight.