Roll Call 98

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How is everyone doing?

I'm doing okay. Went to print off my journals of symptoms/daily life that I have been recording for my appointment with pdoc and social worker tomorrow. Tomorrow should mark the time we work on getting me into rehabilitation to start getting me on the path of recovery.

Otherwise not a lot going on.

Hey,

I've felt pretty down today. I just stayed in bed until midday... I'd have stayed longer if I thought I could sleep but that was over. I did have another nap in the afternoon though.

I also feel like **** because I bought alcohol and cigarettes. It was because of my mood I'm 100%.

I'm pissed off my flucking physio appointment was changed from today till tomorrow because the physiotherapist is in a bit of a clusterfluck she messed up schedules and only can get me in at 3:30pm which I have no qualms about but they asked me about tomorrow and I was like what are her openings for tomorrow stupid me why do I agree to poop like this? I didn't really agree now to come to it I was told I was to come in tomorrow at this time....when am I ever suppose to get my BC ID done?

I'm not renewing my learners because well insurance went up by 30% and to renew it's going to cost 65$ and gas is staggering on 142.9/litre and the Houston thingy doesn't help and well disability has covered mostly everything so I don't need to waste my time nor money on it!

Ugh what's wrong this week feels like a no good very bad week so far

Sorry you're feeling down and for the setbacks

Thanks

It's just on off day that came at the wrong time.

Hopefully being in college tomorrow until 3 will help. I've just got to manage one day and I think it'll be fairly easy front there.

I cleaned! Feel happy now

Thanks for encouraging me to keep going out. I went to my program today, went to 3 groups and had breakfast and lunch there. Then I went to the library and picked up a few movies and magazines. I accidentally got the Spanish edition of People though...lol So I can't really read that one, will have to exchange it. But I do have a tattoo magazine I'm looking forward to reading.

I cleaned and feel great

Finished working yay. On top of that my daughter will be home in a few minutes. Double yay.
Had a decent day. I worked with another admin assistant today so it was easier than dealing with my boss.
How was your day?

I applied for a couple of jobs today. One had fill out a crazy questionnaire lol.

So I went to buy some cigarettes at the grocery store that I work at. I went to the wrong counter where the cigarettes weren't at. The cashier was trying to find cigarettes on the computer and I didn't even know what was happening I'm dulled out from this Wellbutrin really bad then she called this other woman over and she said to walk up to the front where the cigarettes are and shoed me away with her hand.

Idk why I'm so pissed off about this. Why do people judge over things like this? I hate this place.

I hate my mind.

I can't stand this chemical imbalance. I'm not psychotic right now like I was last week but I'm really broken up. The neurotoxicity of the stimulant is probably getting to me because eventually if I keep taking it, I'll be violent and antisocial and agitated.

It gives me energy though because I'm always so * tired.

I need more cigarettes..

Have you ever gone to any AA meetings loial ? They're supposed to be pretty helpful

Went to barnes and noble and bought some journals, some books and magazines and a messenger bag!!!

That's awesome

I dont feel so well. Felt sick to my stomach and kinda dizzy at the book store. I think im dehydrated. I got a headache.

I got a cool journal awhile back from a local little bookstore. it has the tree of life and Celtic designs on it plus handmade pages.

Thats cool!!!

RCIA begins tomorrow. Technically its just an informal get together for past participants and people who are interested in attending (like me) I'm nervous but am gonna go. Really what's the worst that can happen? It should be fine

That's a good coping skill for me. Telling myself ''what's the worst that can happen?''

Its good for getting me out of the house.

Went out for a late dinner at Burger King...and I'm just feeling anxious. Like, anxious about tomorrow seeing the pdoc. I prepared a letter for him about my desires to give a try and live without APs after coming to terms with my hallucinations. I also discussed made note that my worst times with BPD (approximately 6-7 years ago) had the most dissociation, and yet I didn't hallucinate outside of the occasional whispering voices and hearing people calling my name when it didn't actually happen. The psychotic symptoms didn't appear until early 2016. My BPD symptoms are getting markedly better too in recent days. I don't know what will come out of it, but I just want a pdoc to look at this without the shades of BPD over it. I wouldn't be surprised if he just disregards everything and is like "oh, you need MORE medication". I'm not optimistic. The pdocs here do not listen to their patients.

I'm sorry, that sucks. I had some idiot give me that label when I was younger, a therapist not even a doctor anyway my doctor and people disagreed with it and changed it. I do believe I had some traits when I was younger, but definitely not anymore. Glad I don't have that crap following me around. I hope things work out for you and you're able to explain what's been going on.

I felt like i was gonna throw up at the bookstore today

Hope you feel better, get some water.

Is Philosophy Now a magazine you can subscribe to?

Anyone here?

I can't wait until work is over so I can sleep

I forgot when I took my 15 minute break

Yes it is. I used to be subscribed to it. Not sure why it stopped coming. I guess i didnt renew it.