Roll Call 98

I've always wanted to climb mountains in the snow and see these things

I have bruises on my leg that look like fingers grabbed my leg. They freaked me out so I cleansed my home with a candle to feel safe.

I cleansed my crystals too in the new moon so I feel safer but idk I just don't feel 100% safe in my home now.

Cameras in lights bruises spies open blinds mirrors tvs and microphones and webcams all watching me and waiting

Something feels very wrong right now...I get these feelings somewhat semi-frequently, and I hate when I get them. I don't know what's wrong, but something is...it's making me very nervous....

Gotcha. He probably wanted to hear your feelings on the ex. Not sure why other than he wants to help? Good luck!

Same. Something is coming on it's way nothing good is on the horizon watch your back.

I hope it will all go well.

So you're feeling it too? Ugh...it sucks. The last time I had this feeling, someone died. I'm terrified it could happen again.

I keep getting messages that someone specific famous (not going to say who) is going to die and there's also going to be a major plane crash.

Yeah, I had this feeling about Chester Bennington...and then it happened. I'm scared hearing that...my wife is flying out of country on Saturday. Ugh, now I'm scared.

So now, that $60 I'm supposed to get each month? Well, now she says it will have to pay for my phone. I believe she gets off on abusing people this way. I despise her.

Omg how cruel. You certainly get more from disability. Is there someone you can complain about her to?

I don't know. My poor friend said he can cover the phone, thank God (and him!). I'm not sure what to do about this money. I was thinking of withdrawing the whole amount and then reimbursing in cash anything I ask my friend to order for me. I don't know what to do about my Dropbox though. They want 9.99/month now.

Ive been been meaning to read the rest of my other book i havent finished but ive been feeling exhausted all day.

Idk what to do.

Whenever i dont take my meds i feel great energy wise. But when i am on them i feel completely exhausted and tired and i just lay in bed all day.

Makes me not want them.

What else happens when you don't take them? Psychosis. You don't want that.

Yea i understand. I wish i didnt have mental illness because its a catch 22: if i dont take them im sick, but if i do, i am in bed all day doing nothing.

This is awful and i wouldnt wish this life on anyone. I hate this so much. It makes me want to cry.

I sympathize...it sucks. A LOT. **sending hugs**

Thank you findingreason

I've been watching the news and it's like the * apocalypse.

I feel ya. I hate meds. I hate the fact my mind is imbalanced. I hate the fact I'm mentally ill.

I wish I could just ignore it and it'll all go away.

Is there anything they can do with your med to take away the tiredness? Maybe it's depression on top of it?

Well i havent been depressed lately. Not the past couple of weeks i havent. Idk maybe im wrong. But i do know haldol has a very strong effect on energy. Because its almost like a tranquilizer. If not one. A good example is, you ever notice in hospitals when they want someone to calm down, they give them haloperidol in shot form and they calm down? Maybe even goto sleep? Yea, thats exactly what im taking. Haloperidol. Its a low dose kinda but it still makes me sleepy.

I drink a lot of coffee. It barely helps.

Omg you guys, i have the biggest dark circles under my eyes. Ugh....

I think its cuz i nap so much lately and im so tired lately.

Omg I forgot about coffee I'm gonna make some now.

@Cog and Newtus: I feel the same way about APs...my other meds not as much simply because they do not have the side effect profile that these do. I hate mental illness and really don't want to accept I need these meds. I know someone else on Haldol and she is tired all the time as well.

My mom and sis push me to work but i simply CANNOT work being this tired and with all these other side effects, plus with my mental illness alone on top of all that.

I just remembered my pdoc put me on 5mg haldol instead of 10mg because he thought i was out of it for a month (and wanted to start me slow again).

I think im gonna start taking that dose, starting tonight to see if this sleepyness gets any less.