Roll Call 99

i am up,
but not really active right now

i just dont know what to say

The only thing I found probiotics useful for were for helping with IBS. After a flare up things got back to normal after a week of using them. I've never used them long term though. Best to leave things as natural as possible IMO.

The problem is if you've ever taken antibiotics or antipsychotics your flora isn't in a natural state anymore......

I read that they are making gabapentin a controlled drug

Apparently it is in Kentucky...I didn't realize this was determined at the state level.....

Wow really? That seems insane to me. It doesn't even do anything got me anyway. It might help the anxiety but I can't tell. Certainly doesn't seem like a controlled substance.

Again. Wow!

Good morning. Having a good day so far. I'm laying back in bed. Hoping to take a nap. I had a hell of a time getting up this morning. I snoozed the alarm which I never do.
I guess I'm working today. I still have DOR calls to make. So a lot of waiting around.
What are you up to today?

Doctor today!

I lived in Kentucky for 8 years. Most people there at least in the rural poorer towns are on drugs of some kind usually meth...

I went to RCIA last night it was really nice!

Oh ok. Yeah it is. Same with other legal drugs like kratom

I've never taken it so idk

Going grocery shopping tomorrow. Getting fruits. Vegetables, salads , Greek yogurts, and ...French fries! (For a treat)

Mood stabilizers messed mine up.

Mood stabilizers messed mine up.
I checked the long term effects of taking probiotics and it's not bad at all.

Well here i go:

Morning

My pss is cutting me off. She said another pss told her i was sick of her and her groups. Which i never said. She prob said that because i told the other pss i was angry at her for saying something about me.

So she is cutting me off. She said shes getting an intern to work with me. Which im not doing. And i cant come to her groups anymore and i will have to go 30 min away to goto group.

I never thought id wake up to this..

Im NOT going to group anymore. I quit. Im not traveling half an hour away to goto groups.

But its too late. Im done.
I cant meet with her anymore.

I really feel like my life is turning upside down. Because i was making a lot of progress in the group. She even said i was and she has just cut me off. She told me not to contact her anymore.

Im not taking my meds anymore. Im not going into an appt.

Im tired. Im tired of this clinic.

I cant do this anymore

This pss was the ONLY person in real life i could talk to about anything. She was the only person that understood

This is why i never speak up about what the clinic does to me or other people because im VERY SURE that because i said all the stuff i did last night, that this happened.

This is what i get

Im really scared because i had jusy started making progress in that group and i made a lot of friends and now either i dont go at all or ill have to start from scratch again in a new group 30 miles away

Im extremely depressed and im only waiting at this point to end up in the hospital from a sui attempt or something. I just almost really am. With everything that has gone on this past 2 months.

I feel so lost. I lost a friend.

I'm so sorry newtus. I wish I knew what to say to help. *hugs*

Don't do anything rash

Went well at the doc this morning. I really like him he's easy to talk to. I told him everything I had written down. Admitting to the self harming and the drinking and the paranoid delusions. He's upped my meds to take twice a day instead of once a day.

See him again in a week. He wants to keep a close eye on me because he's worried about me but he's hopeful with how I'm opening up and how my mood is seeming to improve. I touched upon my delusions a bit more.