Roll Call 101

Can you take another aspirin yet?

Yea i did 30 min ago. But i hate taking them so much because they make my stomach hurt.

Idk. But she always tells me she sees a lot of herself in me. When she was younger. So she does have issues like i do. Similar anyway. She tells me stories about herself and her family. It is kinda parallel.

I sort of wonder if this isnt, like, a situation where shes trying to live her life through me. Like not letting me make mistakes she made. With all the advice she gives me, ya know.

My back hurts so much. It kinda hurts to breathe. But this kinda reminds me of an anxiety attack.

I mean that's kinda good but hard for her to see you in the same position positively, like if she went back to school and failed she won't be able to see you succeeding.

That's what I'm saying.....

Do you get acid reflux----it can impact your ability to breath and hurts in your chest......

Yes i do. But its near my shoulders right now. So kinda tension. But yea my chest still hurts.

Idk. Thats just what i think. Who knows. Shes the only person that fully listens to me tho.

Im tempted to get a massage. But i cant afford it.

Do you think the tension could be secondary? I just wonder if you should try some omeprazole or something?

That's what bfs are for

Oh yea! He gives me a massage everytime i ask. Problem is i have more times that im stressed than when he can ACTUALLY give me one. Ugh.

Texting is a hassle!!!!

Gonna make me a cup of cinnamon spice tea.

I made 4 glasses of cinnamon spice tea today and put it in a flask. Coffee creamer though..

Coffee creamer with tea..

The paranoia is strong today

Screw sleeping. I just toss and turn every night constantly. It sucks.

But so does being awake *Sighs*

Im not sure if im having an episode and im really scared, becUse im starting to blow things out of proportion. I really need my meds man.

Why don't you go on standby tomorrow?

I think i will becUse im taking another haldol right now before my actual med time. And i dont even have enough haldol to last me a week. Then ill be out of both meds for longer.

For godsakes i dont have enough meds. I never thought id throw a temper tantrum over not having enough meds dammit.

I also never realized how much anxiety plays a role in my psychotic episodes.

Bf is telling me to calm down and im trying to rationalize everything i just told him. This is extremely tough.

Heres the thing: i called up my neighbors just to say sorry that i havent visited and their like “we saw youve been stressed out”. How did they see? I only have her added on fb. But i have her granddaughters added on snapchat. Which snapchat is the only place ive talked about being stressed and that was this morning. But only 5 people viewed it and it wasnt her granddaughters. How did they see it?

Well backtrack to my dad been telling me people have been telling him what ive been posting on social media. So now im thinking someone is obviously looking at all my stuff and idk how. Im VERY cautious about what i put on my social media. Turned everything to private. In the past month. Well? Its like how are these people still telling me dad what i post if i know exactly who is looking at all my posts?

Hes been telling me people have told him what i post. I know EVERYONE who looks at my social media.

I asked for a prn, and took it with my night time meds. I think it might be starting to work. It's only 8:24 and I feel like going to sleep.

I had a lot of anxiety today. Just feeling so lonely and alone here. Knowing that some people really dislike me. And having no friends.

I'm so sorry. That sounds just miserable.
I'm glad you were able to get your prn. Maybe you'll get some restful sleep.