Roll Call CIV (104)

Sorry you are feeling down.

If my boss doesn't call I am done for the day. We'll see through it is Monday. Mondays are usually busy.

Morning

Having coffee

Bf smokes weed. He says it doesnt affect him. Just uses it as a stress reliever. But he doesnt deal with mental illness.

Hot coffee on a chilly fall morning is great!

Yeah, I couldn't do that at all then. I was getting anxiety from pot starting when I was 23. I was hoping that they have strains without anxiety.

Thanks, valley. I wonder if they use the anti anxiety strains here. I think you have to be very sick to get it though, like severely underweight, etc. I'm not sure what was wrong with the man who was getting it though.

I just want to reiterate that july through mid-October or maybe September was really hard for me. Thankfully i think things are getting better and im excited to see what the future holds for me.

I have a medical Mary Jane card. The only strains I have really got completely paranoid off of was sativa they also made me hallucinate and freak out. Yet right now I am taking a break from smoking it.

only doing edibles every once in a blue moon. I found salt water taffy it's great for me only 15mg a piece only ever eat the one piece anything higher and I black out. I forget what I am doing because I have tendency to gun ho on it and eat the whole thing really bad idea so I stick with the one piece of salt water taffy. Or I have a jar of CBD honey take a very small amount with tea.
That's enough sharing about that today.

I woke up at 6 couldn't actually sleep past that it's now 8. It's miserably raining outside! Me don't want to go out...

Waiting in line to get my oil changed. Everywhere I've gone today is there's been a line. Why aren't people at work? I have the day off to see my pdoc.

That always amazes me too but then I remember the retired and the retail workers whose hours are weird.

Snapchat filter

Going to my clinic. I got the fall hair going on.

It's an interesting picture. You look good, but you also kind of look like a zombie in the walking dead.

I've been at this oil change place for an hour. All I want is an oil change. That should take ten minutes. Why are they taking air out of my tires and asking me a hundred questions. I had to tell them to stop and just give me an oil change and that's all I want. I'm cranky.

Because oil change places try to sell you tonnes of things while their at it

Afternoon,

It's a strange day here today. Really cloudy and seems later than it is because it's pretty dark. I blame Hurricane (storm) Ophelia. Not had much winds here but it's been fairly rainy.

Other than that I'm ok. Slept in today and missed college. Seems to be a theme lately. It seems fairly likely I'm going to drop out of college now.

Oh well, back to playing my racing game. At least I'm getting some enjoyment.

I use to smoke in highschool from sophomore to Junior. I didn't like what it was doing to my cognition even when I wasn't high. I have trouble following sentences, I couldn't understand people. It was making me dumber, so I stopped. My roommate smokes every day as a stress reliever, I finally tried it with her after 16 years and I couldn't cognize on big ideas on it. It put me in a lighter mood but, as a philosopher, I find life interesting through intellectual discourse or contemplation. I couldn't do that. Therefore, I wont try it again. I was hoping it would relieve anhedonia but it didn't at all.

There's no point in me smoking it.

I loved pot in my teens. I was a giggly pot smoker and so were my friends. We went out for food, pie, etc with the Munchies. And I loved it. But after I moved cross country, I had a certain amount of anxiety all the time from living hand to mouth (what a weird saying). So after I got a job as a taxi driver I stopped smoking it altogether.

I see my pdoc in 3.5 hours. I'm writing everything in bullet points to share with her on my illness. I'm thinking about my father and the shape of his home and his sex life. Since he feels he is being monitored he has given up his sex life. Also, his home is a wreck, total mess. Also, he has given up reading entirely. He just sits at home listening to music and watching movies and shows he's seen a million times while watching the news like a hawk, because it pertains to his delusions. These are signs of a lack of motivation, and the lack of the sex drive he might have might have led to him giving up his sex life. I couldn't do that, but mu sex drive is purely physical and not mental anymore really, the rush of euphoria when wanting sex isn't there, and I'm wondering if that's what he is feeling to, but on a weaker scale since he's been going through this psychosis since 2001. He still thinks clearly like I do. That is a good sign.

Why do people with schizophrenia have sometimes a cognitive and sometimes an emotional decline?

I'm working out finances and dates heavily right now for my trip. I got less than a month to do this. It's stressing me out. Things I used to do well are sooo hard now. I have a hard time thinking straight with problem solving.

Does it help to write it down?

Instead of thinking about it all in your head?

Or having someone else to think it threw to with?

I'm keeping organized with it, I'm used charts and Excel spreadsheets to do all the calculations. Even with the help of digital stuff, it still is super difficult.

Sounds incredibly confusing...to be honest!

You have a lot of cool stories about your youth/younger days