Roll Call 110

Just got home from work....snowing heavy here.

Wish it was snowing here. I tend to forget that when it snows, snow absorbs sound so its much much quieter outside.

Omg yall i hope i get engaged in 2018!!!

Thank you

Finally time to relax. Busy day/evening. Hope everyone had a good day.

Have you ever read the short story, Silent Snow, Secret Snow? It's about a child succumbing to schizophrenia.

No i havent.

That reminds me. The bf said the only red flag he saw with me in the beginning was that i had mental illness. I can see why. His ex had mental illness. He didnt want to experience it again i feel like. Plus he doesnt have a mental illness himself. So he doesn’t understand. At least in the beginning he didnt. He knows quite a bit about how i am now and how i react when im having an episode. Hes just never been around me during an episode. Not a full on episode anyway.

He continues to support me nonetheless.

I feel like such a child and immature when im around him. I guess because im still so somewhat sheltered by living with my dad. Theres so many things i dont do out of fear.

Hey you, would you help me to carry the stoooonnee..

Sick of my friend calling me on her time. When i dont answer the phone she’ll text me a few times. But if i call she either doesnt answer or has to go real quick...

This is the friend with BPD...

Ugh. I need friends who live in this area. Sick of relying on calling her. She lives in NY. Now that shes moved in with her boyfriend of 2 months she doesnt really have time for me anymore. Barely talked to her for 2 days and now shes all calling me wanting to talk for an hour.

Ugh!

It's very haunting. It might be accessible on the web somewhere.

I think its best if i dont get my hopes up.

I get real paranoid about if this is all even real. The relationship. My illness has been largely kept under control but theres a lot of times where im just like “i dont think he actually loves me”

Apparently, since i gave him the Xbox his friend told him he should marry me just based on what all i can give him materialistically. He told me that. But he also told me that he told his friend that he actually likes me.

But idk. Maybe im just paranoid?

Why is my paranoia running amok?

Ever since my very first boyfriend ive had this issue. An issue with fear in an interracial relationship. If im being used. Or if im just a fetish for white men. Idk...

OMG it was terrible driving home today in all that snow! I don't mind snow, but i LOATHE driving in it. It's the worst part about winters... sigh. I saw one poor guy btween the highways in the ditch driving straight, parallel to me. I dont know what he was planning, I bet if he stopped though that would be the end of it. I hope he got out! Getting a tow truck for that would have been awful.

That sounds really deep... I read the synopsis by amazon and it said nothing of schizophrenia... Maybe that's one of the secrets though.

Can someone reply?

Ive texted 5 people and no ones answering. I havent talked to anyone in 2 hours. Ive been sitting on my bed...

My friend might be in trouble. He worked for a half day and then left. He said he has a cold and congested but he didn't blow his nose one, or sniff. He battles alcohol pretty badly, and now the boss thinks he was having a hangover and is pissed. I told him he said he was sick though and that he didn't look well rested, and the bosss just assumed the worst. Then a coworker text me and tells me my friends phone is off and that he wont answer anyone. sigh... I hope he made it home safe in the snow. To be honest, his cognition was a little off and slow...

Newt, that's weird. what time is it there in Texas, like 7pm? Maybe they are eating dinner?

9.

Idk people rarely text me back. I always talk to the bf and maybe my friend everyday. But thats it.

Man, i saw a small clip on how hard Mike Tyson hits a practice bag and it looks BRUTAL! One punch would destroy my life lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=BJmL3lpJIr8

Ouch!

Not so secret... Actually I had no idea this was considered to be horror or SciFi. If you're piqued, you can read it here for free. http://fullreads.com/horror/silent-snow-secret-snow/

Weed is going to be legal here across the country next year and I’m tempted to try it. I wouldn’t want to smoke it (the smell &#129314 but I would consider an edible.
But I don’t know. My mother is worried about how it might react with my mental issues.

I guess I can agree but I’m super curious.

I’m drinking to calm myself.

Haha what is wrong with me. I’m terrible. At least I haven’t done anything else.