Roll Call 112

Good morning. It’s 4 out. Brrrr. Slept well had a nice night.
Today we’re going to my mother in law’s house for lunch. The absolute last thing I feel like doing. Oh well.
How is everyone today? Anything planned?

Happy new year!

Morning

I slept really good!

Having coffee

I just took the best poop! Hallelujah for coffee!!!

Sigh I have to get everyone ready to go back to school and work. Back to getting up at 6.

I’m window shopping. I want to buy a new jacket. I think I’m going to get a parka from the north face. They are the warmest jackets I’ve ever worn. Then I shopped for new clothes for my daughter and son. I’m going to be broke.

Cleaned my whole house. Feels good. Showered. Colored. Now what

Asked my therapist for an extra session to talk about a flashback and dream I had. He said he probably has Time but he has to check. So I'm waiting to see if he does

I found this app called BodBot and it gives you workout plans. Pretty cool. I did the one it sent me today and man, so much rowing I’m dead.

I’m going to use it on the days I go to the gym without my trainer.

Aside from that, not much going on today. Nothing is open so... I was thinking about going out for lunch but apparently other plans so I’m waiting for soup to be done.

*shrug*

Any resolutions for 2018?

I plan on hopefully exercising more regularly and losing weight.

Eating better for my family. Gonna do better eating when I should do I can take my meds regularly.

I don’t really like doing resolutions. But in general just keep up exercising and losing weight and eating healthy and making myself not crazy

Not a resolutions person either. But gonna try to continue my good state of mental health into 2018. Get things going for school, rehabilitation and the like.

Am a little paranoid though. My roommate’s ex wife is staying in the room where my computer is. I’ve been paranoid she will steal my identity, do bad things to me etc. I went to get my water glass out of there and then a voice said she poisoned it. Then when I drank it the voice said I was going to die....

Hey, happy new year!

I'm just relaxing at home. Got a busy rest of the week though! And the then week I can go get my books and notebooks and stuff for school. So excited!!!!

It's gonna be a fabulous year!

Im having a real stressful day...

I start a week long orientation class for ASU. Plus i still dont have my financial aid worked out so i wont be starting school til march then...

And the bf is struggling to find work this season because they cut hours during the cold season cuz its an amusement park place. I feel absolutely helpless and stressed to help him. Because i want to help him but then i think about my future with him and i wonder if its gonna be like this forever. Especially with his record.

I feel so stressed out i feel like im gonna be sick and idk who to talk to about it...

My son has waited until now to do his homework. He’s had 3 weeks.

Also, my peer worker told me they are cutting my pss sessions to an hour because their boss retired and this new person at the clinic/state agency doesnt understand the value of peer workers. Apparently they saw i was meeting with her for up to 2 hours and said i needed to be seen by a therapist. But i already see a therapist for 50 minutes once a month. I work on sorting my life out with my symptoms with my therapist and work on life skills training with my pss.

Can you see her more often for a shorter period of time?

No i cant

I feel so stressed with everything that i just threw up my lunch.

I made a pizza but im not hungry since i threw up. Too stressed out.

Ultimate procrastinator

Things have been going well lately. My anxiety is a lot better. I haven't had a panic attack in 5 days, it's much more manageable. Not sure what changed , probably focusing on other things rather than sitting at home worrying about every single damn thing for hours at a time

I'm into this new Stephen King book called Sleeping Beauties, he wrote it along with his son author Owen King.

It. Is. Amazing.

Read it. Please. Someone. And tell me what you think

So I started asking my wife if the way I did my hair was bad and if I looked bad...and she looked at me and said "you look good. you're being paranoid." and I asked if that was sarcasm cause I honestly didn't know. She said she was being serious. I guess I have to take her word for it. Combine that with the things I mentioned earlier....I do not want to go through this again. I took 10mg of olanzapine tonight. And I set alarms to go off for my morning and evening meds. I went out driving to the store and Burger King with my wife, and then now going to have a Skype call with our partner. I will not let my illness take over me. Or if it does, I am giving it a hell of a fight.

I'm gonna try jogging on the treadmill tomorrow while at the gym. I've only ever done brisk walking at 3.4 miles an hour on them. Kinda nervous but I need to start getting aerobic exercise , let's hope I don't go flying off the treadmill and make a fool out of myself lol

... I’ve kept a bag of salt, and another bag of a mix of cayenne pepper and cinnamon in my purse and I’ve had them in there since April.

The salt protects me and the other bag was a spell for weight loss...

I haven’t admitted this to anyone. No one knows about them. Well until now...