Roll Call 112

Hahahahahah

The Toastgirl Cometh

morning. trying this cool new thing where i don't just listen to news podcasts and whip myself into a terrified hopeless frenzy all day. got some killer stomach cramps and achy bits to contend with but the cold has gone away somewhat so i'm gonna try to run by the library at lunch anyway

Hmm, nap time! Zzz...

That's nightmare inducing **** right there.

I definitely keep in mind that this is a public forum and that what I write can be seen by anyone around the world. I find if I can be there for people though on these forums as support, it helps others out and that makes it worth it to me. I know I've posted photos before, but I suspect it is unlikely someone I know will visit.

Though for what it is worth, while I understood what people were getting at yesterday, I feel like you guys may have been a little too hard on Newtus. Just my opinion.

How is everyone doing today? I am okay. Took a shower, in preparation for meeting with my social worker and the coordinator of the program done by the city. Bought Rainbow Six Siege last night; gonna try to get my motor skills improved by playing FPS games. Watched YouTube videos earlier today on tech stuff while drinking coffee. What is everyone up to?

I’m just playing game waiting for my meds to kick in. I hope I can sleep early tonight so I can wake up early again tomorrow

Just a little, if anything.

Geez.

The regulars here, I respect their opinions and while i disagree with some, the people whove been here a long time or at least awhile, know how i am. And i know how they are here. So its easy for me to not get offended. Im not an easy person to get along with sometimes. Im strong in my beliefs and tend to stand up for myself. You really have to know me on a deep deep level before coming at me with some things. Which is why in real life i dont mingle with certain people. And not just certain individuals but groups of people.

But not gonna continue to vent or rant...

#sorrynotsorry

I feel like sharing one of my poems, I made this for the fiancé (who is a much better poet than me), but I think this poem can be applied to friendships as well. Love you guys

Do you cleanse in the clouds, hey wind rider
Do you smile at the sun, and hum louder
Do you dance to the moon, around fire
Do you crave a new life, true adventure

Paradise is a world of lone fighters
With headphones on your ears,
Shut the laugher
They refuse to relax and look closer
Spirits like mine and yours,
The true lovers

And you ask why dreaming, makes you sinner
While you just want to walk, by the river
Becoming nature’s walker, an explorer
To find the great above, the designer

I know the ocean inspired, hey poem writer
I hear song when you speak, we both singer
I see silence of night, takes you higher
I know my heart makes yours, beats faster

Paradise is a place of survivors
Win the war not with arrows,
But flowers
Keep the candles on, be the light keeper
Don’t be scare for I am here,
Your true lover

Here is my thing----- The advice I give is biased to the way I live my life. What I was trying to convey was that when people come at you wanting you to change there is a strong tendency to want to push them away or ignore them rather than change. I'm concerned that you're going to push the bf away. Maybe you aren't? Maybe this kind of tough love is exactly what he needs? I've known you on the forum for years and I want the best for you but I don't know as much about your situation as you do. You are the one who has to deal with the consequences or rewards or each decision.

As much as I and others think they might know you by reading your daily postings I'm sure that we don't.

Perhaps i am a little like that towards him. But it legit didnt start until a couple of weeks ago being this way with him. And i only told him this a few days ago. I am a bit of a pushy person. But i only push out of love. With that said, i know when to stop. He does need a bit of a push. I can tell. But ive only told him in the nicest way. I wouldnt actually have pushed him at all, but he was telling me he was very concerned about not being able to pay his bills this month and sometime after. So yes i pushed him to not dwindle his time away playing video games on the days hes not getting hours. Not only that but i helped him look for work. I was stepping up and supporting him just as much as i was pushing him (if not just plainly supporting him more-so than actual pushing). He told me later that i was right and that yes hes been procrastinating.

He realizes im persistent. Thats what he calls it. And he said he doesnt believe thats a bad thing.

I have never ever complained about him. I dont have anything to complain about. Hes an awesome guy and he makes me happy and i make him happy. He tells me i do and tells everyone else i do. And i brag about him too just as equally. Hes been a driving force in my life to be a positive person and has helped me see a different shade and way of life id thought id never see, ever.

That's awesome----I'm glad everything is OK with you guys

Good morning. Snowing like mad. Thankfully they dropped the predicted snowfall to 5-8 inches instead of 12+. Definitely a blizzard though. We just lost power for a few minutes.
Angelique, how’s the snow where you are?

46 with sun today

Idk whether these chips I’m eating is really good or Zyprexa makes everything taste delicious, I can’t stop eating it.

Man I feel so unclean---I was due to wash my hair last night---it's been 3 days, I have it in a pony tail but its all greasy. The finally turned on the water around 7:30 am but still had the street blocked off. I'm not sure how long it would have taken the water heater to heat water so I could take a shower but I decided that I should just go in to work. I'm totally convinced I smell at least a little funky but the water was like ice, there was no way to take a shower. I just want to go home and get clean but it will be hours still.

Bets on the Zyprexa---when I was on risperidone I ate 2 stale cupcakes like I needed to have them....

I think a dry shampoo can be useful at times like this. It cleans and freshen your head though not as good as shampooing of course.

Pot will do the same thing lol.

Not saying 12am smokes but I recognize the feeling

I remember i ate stale veggie chips. A whole bag after smoking

Funny thing is i couldnt stand them fresh while i was sober

Im a mess...

Im sitting here crying watching sad animal videos while eating peanut butter.

I keep losing power it makes work very difficult. I have to restart my computer every time it goes out.

I'll have to keep one in stock any brands you recommend?

Might I recommend chocolate instead?

The top brand is Batiste. You can get it in different scents or unscented.

Lol i already all the choco from Christmas