Roll Call 113

Soo I've gone 3 days straight obsessing about my therapist . It's sheer torture . I cannot describe to y'all how maddening it is. My brain is a prison right now and I cannot escape. I'm hoping today is a little better. I came to my moms. So we'll see

I texted my old pdoc last night. Looking for support . He said he knows the real me and that he loves me like a daughter . And he offered me to come stay with him and his wife. I am considering it. I haven't seen him in 8 years though.

Do you take any sleep aids? They can cause you to do stuff without remembering.....

Morning

Had coffee. Really tired for some reason.

Aaaaannndddd here come the voices .

-_-

Wow. That is so nice. You should consider it. It would be good to catch up after 8 years.
My old podcast wouldn’t know me if she fell over me. Same goes in reverse. Sounds like you had a great relationship
I hope today is a better day for you.

Yes he was a great pdoc. I feel like it might be awkward at first . But it would be a nice change of scenery. He lives 2 hours away outside of a city on a farm

Sounds a lot nicer than the hospital....are they going to change your meds back to invega? Its possible you don’t metabolize risperidone the same way as everyone else.

Did one of my tattoos. The “breathe” one.

Good morning everyone. Hope you are all doing well.
My husband and son went to visit a machine shop and my daughter is sleeping. I’m just hanging out with the dogs and watching Mom. I love this show.
Nothing going on today. Watching some football lol.
Well I have nothing to talk about

Not sure if i should have the bf take the actual day of valentines off (14th,15th) or some other days around there to book the hotel. Just cuz the price and busy-ness of the day. I wanna ask my mom but thats kinda awkward.

That sounds perfect.

I donno about the meds they've gotten all Fd up with all these changes

Going shopping with mom

Youre probably going to pay a premium for the 14th. I know a lot of hotels have romance packages though so that could help. We always avoided going away for Valentine’s Day just because everyone was there. It was just too busy. I like a hotel with a hot tub. So I’d rather it not be packed.

I didnt think about the hot tub being packed. Or the restaurant. My mom told me to book in advance for any date whether it was the 14 or even what we did this week.

Good morning.

Took a Concerta.

I work today so the thing I'll look forward to is vape breaks.

I’m hungry but have nothing good to eat. I don’t know what to have. Maybe some crackers.

I don't....the only time I take anything is melatonin but that's during the summer when we get 20 hours of sunlight....

It smells like spring is on the way but the breeze has a slight chill to it. Going out on break in a few.

Im not sure how to go about achieving those things i listed. They would make me the happiest but i have no clue where to start. Well for most of them.

Deleted. Too identifiable

I think i realized im not overall happy with my life and im just doing stuff to forget about how unhappy i am.

Like im having sex and spending lots of money and on my phone all the time (those are just a few) cuz those things i posted aren’t being met in my life.

Its not a mental illness thing. Its not a bipolar thing. Because i have control over what im doing. Its more like im just trying to mask the feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Which is why i drank last year so much. Like im constantly onto the next thing to fill the void.

Im pretty sure thats why im depressed all the time right now. Cuz its all hitting me at once.

Very nice day out. I finally changed my coil and forgot myself, and got a nasty dry hit. I tried one of my freebies and it's good. But only filled a little because it's only 3 mg of nicotine. I'll either refill with cinnamon roll or grape later. Would rather have ZSG but there's only maybe one tankful left.

I feel very confined here today. I keep forgetting it's Saturday. I wish there were a candy machine here. I'd love some m&m's or chuckles. And I wish there was a pool here. That would be amazing.

Uninvited company. Yay .