Roll Call 113

ofthevalley · Jan 13, 2018, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

Never mind deleted. Too personal.

I hope typing it out gave you some relief.

cogladaid · Jan 13, 2018, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

I hope typing it out gave you some relief.

No it just made me all paranoid that someone was going to read it and judge me lol.

Basically intrusive thoughts never told anyone before and I’m ashamed and don’t want to cause worry.

junkDNA · Jan 13, 2018, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

No it just made me all paranoid that someone was going to read it and judge me lol.

Basically intrusive thoughts never told anyone before and I’m ashamed and don’t want to cause worry.

I have some pretty bad ones too

Angelique67 · Jan 13, 2018, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

I’m here for a few. I’m waiting for my dinner. I got a ham & cheese grinder again. Just not feeling the pizza.
I’ve done nothing today. I took a shower and changed my pajamas.
Getting ready to watch the X-Files. I’m excited to watch this week. Though I wish we had more Stranger Things to watch but we have to wait until 2019 for those.
I don’t feel great. Have a cough and sore throat and chest from coughing so much. Oh well could be worse I could have the flu which I heard is pretty bad this year.

I hope you'll feel better soon. I swear by ColdEeze lozenges, but it's possible that Airborne and a few other products also contain zinc. I hope you'll get rid of it before it gets entrenched.

newtus · Jan 13, 2018, 08:39 PM

Im gonna vape til i fall asleep

Findingreason · Jan 13, 2018, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I hope you'll feel better soon. I swear by ColdEeze lozenges, but it's possible that Airborne and a few other products also contain zinc. I hope you'll get rid of it before it gets entrenched.

Zicam and Emergen-C are also really good. I bought two packages of Emergen-C while in the US cause I can't find it here in Finland....

Angelique67 · Jan 13, 2018, 08:45 PM

My poor tank. It's almost new and already I'm stripping threads blah blah blah. I put cinnamon roll back in. I'm missing one of my bottles of that. Have to go through the whole supplies bag. But it was so good. I'm looking forward to the morning vape, I hope it won't be cancelled.

I should have put my clothes in the wash a long time ago. Just worried I'll never see them again.

All the women here have large bald patches. I'm going to go.out on a limb and say maybe it's the body wash/shampoo 2 in one soap. I won't put that stuff anywhere near my hair. It's thin.

Craving chocolate now. :/

Angelique67 · Jan 13, 2018, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

Zicam and Emergen-C are also really good. I bought two packages of Emergen-C while in the US cause I can't find it here in Finland....

Haha, I was thinking of those but couldn't remember the names lol. I hope you'll ward off all the viruses swirling around in the air.

Jan 13, 2018, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Ive been taking this flu medicine to sleep. And i think its getting out of hand. Problem is im not sleeping at all really at night. I havent slept much in the past 2 months. Maybe a few hours a night. Only getting a full nights rest maybe once every 2 weeks.

I have no clue what to do. Being taken off the ambien really hurt my sleep ever since.

Im just so lost

I resorted to taking Benadryl. My doctor told me I probably wont build up a tolerance, and thought it was a good idea after I shot down ambien, antidepressants, anti psychotics, and refuse to believe it's mania

so i wont take a mood stabilizer either.

Jan 13, 2018, 09:49 PM

ofthevalley, i hear the best over the counter med you can take for the flu is something called tamiflu. My roommate says it works and she's a nurse.

eighteyedspy23 · Jan 13, 2018, 09:53 PM

Hello. It seems that no one is out there at this moment. Have a good night.

eighteyedspy23 · Jan 13, 2018, 09:54 PM

Weird, the page completely changed when i replied. Hello.

Findingreason · Jan 13, 2018, 10:02 PM

So I am more convinced that my electronics definitely are listening to what I am doing. I was talking to my wife and partner about my gender dysphoria, and during that talk we were discussing reproductive organs. Well, at some other point we were joking around about same sex couples in games...

So fast forward to about 20 minutes ago, and when I was watching Youtube and voila! An ad for in-vitro fertilization.

Like, I am an IT person, I know computers can be used for surveillance and monitoring and such. I've taken networking security courses where at points we were given assignments that challenged security measures and hacking computers in our classroom to understand how it worked.

Also add in that earlier I went to take a drink of my water that I left unattended. It had a fine salt/sugar like granules in it, and when I emptied it out some remained in the bottom. So I rinsed it, but it in the dishwasher, and then got a new glass. I feel like someone was trying to poison the water on me. But there's only my wife and roommate in here. Why would they do that? It makes no sense.

....am I being excessively paranoid lately?

Jan 13, 2018, 11:13 PM

Finding Reason, the app will only survey you while you are using it. Once you close said app it will no longer survey you, or at least it's not suppose to. Facebook apps will listen to key words while it is open and then knit them together to custom fit ads to what you said, even though you're not using any talk to text feature. Its terms and conditions allows for this but it's only suppose to be to make money on ads. So if you talk about catfood with your partner, while the app is open, then it will use that key word it over heard and have cat stuff for sale.

Here is proof.

It's just a bad time to be a schizophrenic. It's not being used against you, it's being used to sell you stuff. There just algorithms though, like how shazam works.

Findingreason · Jan 13, 2018, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Finding Reason, the app will only survey you while you are using it. Once you close said app it will no longer survey you, or at least it's not suppose to. Facebook apps will listen to key words while it is open and then knit them together to custom fit ads to what you said, even though you're not using any talk to text feature. Its terms and conditions allows for this but it's only suppose to be to make money on ads. So if you talk about catfood with your partner, while the app is open, then it will use that key word it over heard and have cat stuff for sale.

Here is proof.

It's just a bad time to be a schizophrenic. It's not being used against you, it's being used to sell you stuff.

Thanks...yeah, I've seen this experiment before. Just yeah, it still creeps me out. Cause Google does it too, as does Facebook. Basically in most cases your phone is listening to you...and it is beginning to really make me paranoid. But I need it to keep in contact with people. Ugh.

Jan 14, 2018, 12:40 AM

yeah i wish the companies knew what they were doing to people like us. Everyone should shame these companies for "listening" for key words. And why does a flash light app need to use your GPS? It bothers me.

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 12:52 AM

I think I'm having ego death.

I don't know who I am. I'm fine sometimes where everything is completely fine and there's a whole other side to me and then I just get so dark..

My personality is changing..

I don't know what persona of me I should believe is real.

This is a letter I just wrote and I want to read it to my psychiatrist;

Possible trigger:

My mom isn’t coming in because I’m an adult and I should be able to speak for myself and make my own decisions - and I want to make good decisions.

I expect you to listen to what I’m about to say because I’m getting no where in life and I’m sick of it. I’m really sick of it and I’m going to go completely nuts if nothing changes.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I pretend I’m fine for my family because I don’t want to be the one that has to be taken care of. I want to see beautiful things in life but I’m really scared because I don’t know who I am. I have no motivation and I can’t even watch TV. I don’t know why.

I’m not a delinquent or a sociopath. I want help because schizophrenia has ruined my life. I’m a really smart person. I just sometimes do really stupid things. I want to go to college and be a doctor and I want to see a future for myself but everything I know about myself is just disconnected emotions and thoughts and events in reality and it disturbs me. If my mom wasn’t alive, I would probably just kill myself because it seems hopeless that I’ll ever have a future.

I am doing better now people say but it’s ****ing fake. I need you to help me more. I went to the independent living unit but they didn’t know what to do with me because I couldn’t set goals for myself. I get so depressed sometimes because of what has happened.

The fact that I isolated myself from everyone in my life and still do. I still don’t have a drivers license, I live with my mom and she does everything for me. I feel like that this is it for me. I’m afraid of close relationships and I can’t face the world. I’m not happy I’m miserable.

I go to bed early and just lay there for hours because I think to myself, why should I watch TV or play guitar when I can just sleep?

If I’m here so you can just prescribe the Invega injection and nothing else because it works so well for psychosis then **** me. It’s not making my life any better. It’s just keeping my out of the psych ward.

That's not me though. Maybe it is though and I just switch personas and do drugs to mask the pain. I dissociate or something.

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 01:06 AM

I drank an energy drink so many I will calm down later idk

I don't like this part of me.

I'm just really angry. I bet a benzo would help like DT said.

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 02:23 AM

I took 7.5mg of Olanzepine. I'll see if that helps.

Jan 14, 2018, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I drank an energy drink so many I will calm down later idk

I don't like this part of me.

I'm just really angry. I bet a benzo would help like DT said.

Hey buddy. I read your other post.

Something i noticed about you is that you're a fighter. It takes a ton of effort to hold a job while you have negative symptoms with emotion and motivation. I found it nearly impossible, but you do it somehow. The fact that you keep trying, even if you stumble from time to time, says a lot, man.

I wish i could understand your dissociation better, and could be in your shoes to better understand what your going through. Then i could offer you some advice.

The fact that you play computer games shows some interest, although it concerns me that you don't have any for movies. You were posting in the Netflix page though, you recommended Sense 8 if i remember correctly, so maybe it's not a complete lack of interest...

As for goals, you keep on mentioning college. Is there a community college nearby where you could take a bus and experiment with classes until you find something that crystalizes into an interest? It took me years of experimenting until i found my passion... I was probably 27 when i finally found out what i wanted to get my degree in, then i finished my two years at community college and went all in at the university. Community colleges are great for discovery, and saving money. If your behind in anything when you test they have pre 100 courses to catch you right up. I had to get caught up on algebra.

And there's more likely going to be night classes there too. Plus, you're a handsome dude. You'll be outnumbered 1/3 when it come to women! Haha. Take it slow if you need to, enjoy it, savor it!

What helps with my motivation is just focusing on starting a task. Once i start i have no problem finishing. It becomes a breeze after that, because once your in the motions you're in the butter zone!

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Hey buddy. I read your other post.

Something i noticed about you is that you're a fighter. It takes a ton of effort to hold a job while you have negative symptoms with emotion and motivation. I found it nearly impossible, but you do it somehow. The fact that you keep trying, even if you stumble from time to time, says a lot, man.

I wish i could understand your dissociation better, and could be in your shoes to better understand what your going through. Then i could offer you some advice.

The fact that you play computer games shows some interest, although it concerns me that you don't have any for movies. You were posting in the Netflix page though, you recommended Sense 8 if i remember correctly, so maybe it's not a complete lack of interest...

As for goals, you keep on mentioning college. Is there a community college nearby where you could take a bus and experiment with classes until you find something that crystalizes into an interest? It took me years of experimenting until i found my passion... I was probably 27 when i finally found out what i wanted to get my degree in, then i finished my two years at community college and went all in at the university. Community colleges are great for discovery, and saving money. If your behind in anything when you test they have pre 100 courses to catch you right up. I had to get caught up on algebra.

And there's more likely going to be night classes there too. Plus, you're a handsome dude. You'll be outnumbered 1/3 when it come to women! Haha. Take it slow if you need to, enjoy it, savor it!

What helps with my motivation is just focusing on starting a task. Once i start i have no problem finishing. It becomes a breeze after that, because once your in the motions you're in the butter zone!

Thanks so much for the insight. I thought everyone was asleep and I was shouting in the dark.

I just need to take things slow I guess. I just get so agitated about it sometimes.

There is a community college near here but it's mostly trades and I have lots of experience in heavy duty mechanics and welding to know that trades isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I'll have to look into what it offers. I just don't understand how post secondary education is understood by everyone and I'm blind. People go to parties and study and I think.. how do they get to that point and why..

Thanks again =]

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 02:48 AM

You're definitely a fighter too btw with anhedonia. I haven't read up on the anhedonia thread that you made. I did a bit but it was a lot of reading and I feel like I need music playing constantly for every bit of feeling I can get idk.

I will though.

Jan 14, 2018, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

You're definitely a fighter too btw with anhedonia. I haven't read up on the anhedonia thread that you made. I did a bit but it was a lot of reading and I feel like I need music playing constantly for every bit of feeling I can get idk.

I will though.

I don't recommend the anhedonia thread personally. It's a place of hopelessness, me trying to escape my biology doesn't seem promising now, now that i know it's not one of my meds...

About music, I play music all the time while i read too. I have a play list of mostly dramatic sound track music just for reading, a bunch of it is Hans Zimmer, the guy who did the Interstellar sound track. It's really intense stuff, and there are no lyrics so you can easily read with it.

Desoxyn · Jan 14, 2018, 03:46 AM

Zyprexa.. sleep..

falcon09 · Jan 14, 2018, 05:39 AM

Hey guys, been a while, sorry for being gone.

What's up?

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