Roll Call 113

KITCHEN ...

Letter my T wrote to my new pdoc cuz apparently I can't communicate...

Thai =]]]]]]]]]

Nothing lol.... I'm confused by that

T said I seem to be thinking more clearly today so that's good. I asked am I making sense?? He said yes...yes u are =]

These are my sides then a pear for dessert

If I’m not mistaken, butttternut squassshh! Make some risotto with it. Mmm, my favourite.

Yep butternut. I like to bake it and eat with a spoon

I can't read the letter but your kitchen looks great.

Do you sleep with it in a weird angle or something?

Don't think so

Onion garlic and mushroom for the peas

My weird way of frying sweet potatoes

I took a couple neuroscience courses for my philosophy of mind degree to understand the brain, since so much of that is the basis of my theory of mind. I believe in panpsychism as my metaphysics for reality. The view is that there is one type of stuff that exists, and there are two different aspects to this stuff, intrinsic, psychic aspect that we understand as consciousness, and there there is an extrinsic, physical aspect. Since the two aspects are made of the same stuff there mind brain interaction problem is solved, mind can cause brain functions and brain functions can cause mind states in both direction. It also means that, fundemenatally, all of reality has an intrinsic aspect of consciousness, but not everything is unified and complex of a consciousness as humans and animals. A rock isn't unified in it's consciousness, it was just created by physical forces pushing it around and cementing it. However, the particular indivisible bits have some fundamental aspect of consciousness to them, but its so primitive, as conscious as a toenail since it's not unified.

I have an interesting take on neuroscience that's a bit dated called "The Enlightened Machines, but it's intersting because the author beings Kant and other philosophers into it and doesn't really just on a physicalist interpretation that can't grapple consciousness. Another book that is interesting that i have is Neuroscience and Philosophy. Unfortunately, it doesnt take into account my view. Most philosophers believe in dualism, where most scientists beleive in physicalism. Where i conjoin the two.

I was persuaded by dualism (mind and body as different) but how could something immaterial (the mind) cause somethign material (brain) to move? It's not logical. This also has consequences in the belief of a soul unfortunately, but it also makes one speculate differntly on the big bang...

Oh wow, I never had fried sweet potatoes! Maybe your left hand is stressed by holding food down when you chop/cut it?

Din din....

Or you could try an upper, like people who are in the narcolepsy spectrum have, like Provigil. I'm sorry.

I'll read posts later cuz speaking of narcolepsy ugrhgh I must have it. I dream though. Idk if people with narcolepsy dream.

I'm so tired and don't sleep at night. People with narcolepsy take GHB (Xyrem) to go into a deep sleep and take uppers to wake up. It's horrible.

I have 2 hours of work left.

My brain is tricked into thinking I'm exhausted when I'm not.

I want to sleep until I get old..

But I don't.

I know it's chronic fatigue syndrome. But I guess that's the spectrum idk.

Marriage material.

Im drinking coffee. Last cup of the day.

I was reading a thread on Reddit talking about things that are actually extremely rare but people think is common. Schizophrenia came up a couple of times. Im under the impression they are wrong, but...?...im also at my clinic a lot and see people who are really really sick.

Then i started thinking about how sick i was before i started on meds again. I always forget, but i got that sick because i stopped my meds. It was my fault. I got so bad i was catatonic-like. I say it that was because it was true catatonia. I would go a few days at a time without talking. But that was just cuz i was so far deep in the rabbit hole of my delusions. My voices would wax and wane. But my delusions almost ended me up in jail.

The day is finally over. It was so long! I’m happy to see it go. Can’t wait to go to bed. I’m exhausted .
What’s everyone up to? I’m just hanging out with the dogs playing on my phone.

Im ready to goto bed too.

It’s roughly 1:100 same frequency as red hair.

Yea thats they said on there. But someone said it wasnt. I knew it was that tho.

But still. I dont know anyone outside of my clinic that is schiz

I dont think im happy with my life. In fact i know im not.

I might as well paste a response from what I was writing around two days ago. It's just thoughts and doesn't mean much. I don't take it too seriously but I feel like I'm coming up to your idea of thought..

"I've been looking up psychosis, schizophrenia, paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder for a few minutes.

Like I know sociopaths lack empathy but can feel emotion. Empathy is just a key emotion that is highly dimmed down in their brains. A deficit like how with ADHD there is a deficit in attention.

For us, without antipsychotics, everything is completely detached. That includes thoughts, emotions.. everything.. REALITY ITSELF.. If we are our own reality and we're detached from it, it's like antipsychotics can only do so much. They just pull thoughts and emotions and such closer together to how we see reality. To how the majority of people see reality.. if reality is even real.. it is and it isn't at the same time.. Sometimes people can be completely fine on antipsychotics. Just like how some people can have psychotic symptoms without mental illness like hearing voices. Dopamine and the auditory processing part of the brain are apart of reality.. it's a piece of reality that can be pulled closer or further away in the paradox..

Sometimes schizophrenia is schizoaffective because mood is included in reality. There's depression and mania in mood.. Feeling good is different.. pleasure in reality..

Weed like a psychotic tbh.. if you give someone without schizophrenia an antipsychotic, it does nothing but make them tired. But also because an antipsychotic molecule is like an information code for our reality and there are many that are similar that interact with brain chemistry of an individual by the paradox that matches "reality". Tiredness is in reality. Parkinson's with dopamine, movement disorders..

Giving people with dementia antipsychotics increases the risk of death. Memory is a key roll player in reality.

Weed just makes us anxious and paranoid tbh.. some people with schizophrenia get helped by it though because their neurochemistry is different.

I'm so confused I wanted to talk about anhedonia. But it's doing ok I think. I'm mostly ignoring it. I have more to say but I feel like the bit of what I'm saying will give an idea to what I mean by disconnection.

Schizophrenia is a term to mean losing touch with reality. But finding what losing touch really means first is basically disconnection.. like static and radio signals and radiation everything with particles and quarks just sparking in and out of existence. Literally.

Why antipsychotics don't help with negative symptoms sucks. Maybe one day we will find a drug that does help. Maybe 10k years ago, caffeine for example helped with negative symptoms but our genetics changed.

Genetics in schizophrenia are different and change all the time. That's why scientists try to find the main ones during this time frame.

Everything I say makes sense to me because it's in reality and reality doesn't make sense. Only if I chose it to make sense. But so many problems happen I lose control. I've always wondered why my first psychiatrist had such a horrified look on his face when I told him that I wasn't in control. Because maybe control means control of reality which is our own reality if the definition of reality is in the majority.

Then the subject of God comes into place. But people can't talk about it because it is everything and everything scares people and that's where fear comes from. Paranoia.

Anhedonia must come from something specific but I can't figure out what. It has to be an individual but general life change and the biggest hope unfortunately is probably similar unknown drugs in testing."

Deja vu!