Roll Call #115

I layed around all day and ate mcdonalds. Yo this isnt like me but lately it has been. The whole past month.

Oh yea i got a letter from that vocational rehab place. My appt with them isnt for another month. Idk if i should be happy about that and that i have time to get myself together or if i should be sad that its taking longer.

I was finally back to sleep when my vape shot out of the charger and across the room on friggin fire. Needless to say after putting that out I’m not tired enough to sleep.

Damnnnn. I'm glad you're okay. That definitely will wake you up....

Going out today with a couple of friends. Drinks and shopping
Saw my psychologist this morning, talked about being off meds. She said I seem a lot brighter and I am. I’m being sensible I’m guna see how it goes, cos she pointed out it’s usually around this time of year that I end up in hospital. So I’ll see how it goes. But I’m running out of options on meds so I’d rather give off meds a chance and have a few bad days than be reliant on meds and run out of options. I’ve never really been off meds long term apart from when I was younger. Longest was 6 months. So I’m interested to see what I’m like.

Wtf??????

How are you feeling?

I'm feeling a lot better today. Went to sleep around 2am...got up some time after 6am. I will be staying up the whole day and turning my sleep around. Depression isn't too bad at the moment. Have an appointment with my counselor in an hour from now. After that going back to the library to work on things. Hopefully this time I don't get so paranoid. Meeting a friend there for the first time in person.

How about you?

Well it’s almost time to get the kids up. It’s been a nice quiet hour and a half. I’m going to be kicking myself for not trying to get more sleep.

Think of it this way if you tried to get any more sleep youd probably have a harder time waking up.

No doubt! I’ll probably work a half day and take a nap.

Oh my God! What happened? Did the battery explode??? I'm so glad you're ok!

Morning/Afternoon,

I’m just back from my p-doc appointment. Pretty straightforward as expected. I did say I had been pondering coming off the AP but my p-doc pretty much said he thinks I should stay on it. I was pretty undecided myself about it anyway so happy to follow his advice.

Not got much planned for the rest of today. Just taking it easy I think. Oh I have the X-Files from last night still to watch...

Morning

Not home alone today! Woohoo! And valentines day is tomorrow!

Had a nice experience earlier, waiting for my vape break, one of the smokers came to my corner and really nicely suggested that I sit closer to the door with the others. That was so nice. Then I had a horrible coughing fit as soon as we were outside. Oh well.

Things have been changing in the room too. I gave both roommates a set of earplugs for my all night coughing, and I started listening to my newest roommate. It's not comfortable for me because she's really hard to hear. And says stuff that's unnecessary that I have to keep pulling out my earplugs to hear. :/

I feel really big today. I stepped on the scale and it was a few pounds heavier. Idk if its from the mcdonalds yesterday or all the tea and water i had but i made a hugeeee mistake eating mcdonalds.

Ugh so much for a good day. Today is miserable. I can’t do anything right and I’m without my vape. I bought a pack of cigarettes this morning and now I feel gross.

Oh no! What happened to your vape?

someone come confiscate my phone, delete every podcast and news app from it and bar me from ever watching/listening/reading a single piece of news again before i completely snap i hate this whole damn earth

Backups, and back ups for the back ups

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How are things going today?

I'm okay. Meeting with my friend at the library went well. We talked for a couple hours and it was nice.

Meeting with my counselor went well. I opened up about my feelings regarding my desire to switch to a new pdoc. I basically made it clear I was frustrated that he didn't listen to the whole story or my thoughts on things. I told her if we don't switch I will go to the other place in city centre. We discussed after the problems that bother me beyond the other symptoms. Like low motivation to do things, hygiene problems, apathy, etc. And she seemed to acknowledge they were negative symptoms. Then one came up in the spurt of the moment I didn't even realize: lack of emotion. Even before APs my emotions were much more dead than in the past. Like when my cockatiel passed away I didn't even cry over that. I got frustrated that I couldn't experience emotions like I used to. Maybe I just got used to it and didn't think about it much....It sucks. I want to be able to discuss possible alternatives and supplement paths for these symptoms. I want to find at least some relief. My counselor got it right at one point: she asked if I wanted to reach a point similar to pre-breakdown, pre-psychosis, and I said yes. I miss that dearly. I don't know how much I'll get back, but I'm going to fight for it.

So yeah we will see where things go.

I think so. There are soot marks where it was on the bureau.

It caught on fire.

Holy ****.

Well dam.......