Roll Call 125

Basically anything I say doesn't really mean anything.

Everything is a trigger. It's either good or bad. That's how emotions, thoughts, actions are regulated. From eachother.

We are all in this dance involving atoms from a massive explosion in the universe.

But people have flaws. Everyone. I was told not to bring bad things up after I'm done with them. Maybe that makes sense. Maybe I'm just so flawed that I can't get around it.

And other people are better than me. Now, I revert to fixing myself or just continuing not believing in free will.

I don't know and this is why I'm so screwed up. Other people can be screwed but they have a good sense of self and can roll with it. I can't unless I get what I want and what I want is hardly attainable.

I'm so screwed I don't want the injection tomorrow I don't even want to li..

What if I don't get psychosis anymore? I can stop taking it. I'm lowering it I'm sick of this back and forth argument with myself it's driving me nuts it's torture.

I wish people could support me in not taking the injection. I vow to not take the injection tomorrow and my mom should leave me alone about it. I'm too curious to see what happens. What if I live a life of never knowing what it's like to not be on so much Invega?

Please don't blame me. There's nothing I can do. This isn't in my control.

Never mind I'll take the injection..

Come on over. There's a sauna in my apartment.

I'm bringing sexy back! 😘

I ended up not having the beer. Ill have if tomorrow.

Im staying away from liquor not beer

I dont plan to quit again i think angelique

Chipped a tooth. To the dentist I shall go

Good morning/afternoon everyone. How are things going today?


I'm doing pretty okay. Been up since 4am. Went to band practice from 9am-1230pm. They were working on prep for another gig that I'm not in this week. But I'm using the free rooms down the hall to practice singing. Mannn, being able to perform without being concerned of bugging neighbors helps a lot. I sang like 5-6 songs in a row, and don't want to take it too far cause I need to build my endurance up. I will be practicing this song at the cabin over next week:




I want to nail it and show them I am a vocalist with potential, lol. Though my mentor already liked my voice a lot. So I guess I have proven it.


What's everyone up to?

I chipped my front tooth years ago in a drug induced haze. I opened my car door right into my face. busted my lip and chipped my front tooth

this year I finally got it fixed!!! I have to be careful about biting into things

I was fixed years ago but it came off

It's my back tooth... I went to floss and it chipped on me. A cavity more than likely.

Morning. Slept good even through my husbands alarms.
Nothing going on today. Looks to be an easy day of work so I’ll probably get a nap in. My hours have reduced quite a bit. I’m happy about that though I will miss the money. It’ll be nice to have the afternoons off with the kids.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Well ****. That stinks. Good luck at the dentist.

I'm calling them at 7:30.... Got about 15mins... Thanks

I woke up to a person outside the gate to the underground below my window. Talking really loud doesn’t he know people are sleeping if he hung out there longer I was going to drop a egg on his head. Grr!

I think I might go back to sleep ...

Morning

Had coffee

Eating cinnamon toast crunch now

working 9-3

here's a photo when I went in the woods by myself yesterday

Took my med

Ugh what a *****... When I say last year I meant last year of course I mean over 6 months ago.

Watch out for dead bodies, serial killers, and bears

In that order.

I feel like I have this nervous energy filling me up today. It’s making my mind drift getting too into music and thinking odd things. Like messages in music again but just sort of off. I can’t explain it I just feel kind of weird.

I took my meds last night, don’t worry.

Its raining here hard

I wish it were raining men so I can go outside and get myself absolutely soaking wet.

So I’m reading this book on hygge the Danish art of happiness and they are all about fires and candles and stuff and I was like where am I going to have a fire and was looking into cabins etc...ideally with a gas click on fire or at least an outdoor fire pit but then I remembered Netflix has a 4K fire channel so right now I’m watching birch wood edition

Maybe it’sbecause it’s been so long since I’ve had an actual fire but it’s filling the void. Also if any of you want to be happy I recommend reading the little book of hygge...the images it evokes have made me happy just reading it. I feel like making rice crispy treats or something from my childhood.