Roll Call 125

Given how well your weight loss has been going I think maybe there isn’t too much to worry about maybe? Just give it time.

I’m on Citalopram and it’s been weight neutral for me. I mean I went up a few pounds on it before going back on olanzapine but I’m sure that was just because my anxiety had been causing me to lose weight and was brought under control.

As always though, meds affect people differently. Some people gain on certain ADs, but others don’t. If Paxil works well for you then switching could be a risk, might not work out how you want it to.

Just my thoughts.

Ugh 2 more hours until my husband is home. I’m feeling needy today. It sucks because he has to bring my son out tonight so I’ll be alone again. I just need my entire family together for a little while. Dinner!
Really feeling off the charts anxious and bad about myself today. I’ve already smoked everything I had. Ativan doesn’t help.

I’ve decided I’m going to start joining my husband on his weekend excursions. We used to do everything together until we had kids. Then they needed me home. I stopped living when I had kids. My entire world revolves around them. I don’t go out. I don’t do anything but wait for them to need me. Now that they are older I can go out again. Spend time with my husband again. I just need to break the chains that keep me locked up.

Went over to my friends house and we painted and did arts and crafts.

I painted this for my friend in new york.
Just gotta figure out how ima send it.

I call it “depression”

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How are things going?

I'm....still struggling. This sense of not knowing where the direction is that points the right way for me. Singing practice didn't go as well as I wanted. My voice cracked multiple times. So I will be resting my voice for the weekend.


We went to the in laws cause I want to try and resurrect their old Mac Mini cause I want a Mac to run music production software on. (Windows SUCKS in this area) Otherwise, I am going to use my wife's piano to start learning. I figured out some stuff by ear already. We don't have a keyboardist in the band and so I will try and fill that role.

One of my band mates got in a talk with me and another about motivation and expression. It was moving. Then we went and did practice and while I cracked a number of times it was still fun.


Right now I am feeling just...empty. I am trying to communicate what is wrong. Here, others, my wife and partners. It just....it doesn't work. I even talked to them about how I was struggling and what could be done to improve things and its still not working. I feel like I am approaching another emotional breakdown.

I also realise the whole course of my life is changing. I was originally going towards an information technology degree. Now international business. If I can make it work I would do music too. But basically what I made to be a workstation isn't going to be used to its potential and such. I may sell it for a considerable amount and then invest in what is going to happen in the future. But who knows where things are going? I'm lost. I'm a leaf drifting in the wind. No direction. Aimless.

Seems like a lot of us are struggling today.
I’m thinking of going back to Facebook. I miss my sisters going through these life changes. I think I need support from my mommy friends. I miss having my mom to talk to about this stuff. She always reminded me that each stage brings immeasurable joy. I don’t know if these feelings are normal mom growing pains or if my mental health is slipping again. I may need an increase in zoloft if that’s the case. I just don’t know.

nice...I usually get a tube mailer...

Sorry you are struggling...

Heart beating fast.

I wish I had clonazepam for these times.

This is why I'm afraid to get out of bed. I just want to stay in bed forever and my heart will beat slower.

I checked it again and it's not beating that fast just 108bpm.

That's good that's good..

I’m going to ask my husband for money. I’d use the family fund but I’ve already pinched off that and I need a couple hundred more this week. I hope he doesn’t get upset. He doesn’t mind giving me money but when I smoke it away he gets perturbed.
He’s late. He must have stopped for a hair cut. He was talking about it. Wish he’d hurry.

I feel like posting my last post on fb was like a kneejerk reaction to what happened between the bf and i, since he told me social media was getting in between us.

APs definitely knock down anxiety a lot ...

I noticed my AD knocks anxiety for me

When the hospital psychiatrist put me on olanzepine on top of my invega, I wasn't avoiding people. I went up and started talking to people as if it was natural and someone said "You're coming out of your shell" and I said "Shut up" lol.

I did that personality test again and it said ENFP (Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Prospecting) instead of INFP (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Prospecting).

I forgot to take my zoloft this morning.

I just remembered to. I had fun with my friend.

And then i thought...i wonder if my depression would minimalize if i got out more. Not by myself but with other people.

Hanging out with people is what I did a lotttt when I was a kid (Childhood mania) and basically never as a teenager (Teenage severe depression).

So even though I don't want to hang out with people sometimes as an adult, I probably should so I'm doing that..

i want a baby

I gave my biggest dog a bath. she looks gorgeous!!!

Try to relax Blue_Bird. Just take one thing at a time. Lots of people have their cases reviewed and it doesn't mean they lose their benefits.

She had my spare phone in her bag. And her daughter took my charger and returned the wrong cord. Now I'm wondering if she took my phone a few weeks ago.

I'm having a horrible day. Still itching as bad as it was Tuesday. The nurse gave me a double dose of Benadryl so hopefully it helps.

I feel absolutely hopeless about everything in my life. Does Prednisone make you exhausted? I haven't had any today but I'm still exhausted.

Prednisone more commonly makes people feel excited/hyper/agitated.
Others should not be taking your belongings!! Unless it was an honest mistake.
I am genuinely so sorry you are so miserable. I really wish you could move somewhere better in the near future. You're doing a remarkable job of hanging in there.

Have they told you if you are getting out or staying another year?

Oh gosh! I just solved a work problem!
Emailed the supporting documents to my work email. Yay!
This is good. I accidentally didn't filter correctly today, and asked others, "do you hear that?," but i stomped it down pretty quickly.

I wish I can trust people more...