Roll Call 125

Going to my dad's

Happy birthday DT!!!!!

Ate a fudge round while drinking my coffee.

Coke?!...

I think she means the beverage

Good!!! Lol.

Haha. Yes the beverage.

Im bored as hell

I dont feel good.

I feel physically sick, depressed, and slow.

Idk whats going on. It started off with a migraine last night. Then a couple of hours ago i started feeling depressed and slow and nauseous.

I used cbd oil on my temple for the migraine. It worked. But i think smoking it (since it made me kinda high) and then it wearing off made me depressed like thc did.

This is all speculation. Cuz its never done this before. Not cbd anyway.

My headache is pretty much gone, its kinda residual right now. But i still feel nauseous and depressed and slow and heavy feeling.

I think i need to cut back on all that shyt. And the drinking too.

Im supposed to see my peer worker tomorrow but i dont want to. Because i feel like id tell her id been drinking and smoking. And then ill get kicked out of group and probably have to do pee tests. At least thats what they made my ex do. And when they found out i was drinking they were gonna kick me out anyway.

So much for help

Happy birthday DT and happy late birthday Bluebird!

I was tired as all hell yesterday and had to sleep when I got home. My mom left the Concerta for me in the cupboard. I will take one when I get home and play guitar and watch a movie with people. I can't puff from the magic dragon they're smoking though unfortunately.

Went for a 15 min walk and still feel sickly

All of a sudden I feel really weird. So I took a Concerta.

This happens when I don't take one and work when I'm tired. I become awake but terrified.

Of my shadow and cars and people looking at me. My phone is looking at me. The letters of typing. It's really odd.

I hope this goes away.

Feeling a bit better but this laundry room is so hot I want to go home..

I'm not my body. I am the environment. Every creek in the ceiling is me.

What is this I hear? A waterfall

Forced to be doing repetitive things all day makes me disorientated.

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone I just had a quiet birthday and read a book. I'm home now with my cat. Hopefully my mom and sister call... My grandmother called. That was really nice. Haven't talked to her in awhile.

We did the indoor picnic today, the bf and I had a good time then we were bad and went and got bear claw ice cream 🍦

wow my mom and sister never called. they are under the same roof right now too. makes me paranoid like I must have said something wrong...

Possible they just forgot? Idk my mom texted me today and was like did you wish your father happy Father’s Day....I was all...oh crap no but that’s because it’s not until next week.

Im feeling depressed. I didnt want to but i posted about it on my fb. Probably shouldnt have but i feel extremely alone within myself.

I didnt post about my psychosis or even say the word depression. But its what i was talking about when i posted “ever since what happened to me”.

I would try not to take it personally They probably forgot. People are pretty self-absorbed. Most of my friends forgot my birthday, and one of my brothers did too. It happens.

Happy birthday btw

*Willow*

I’m not sure whether it’s the Meds or the psychosis that changes you but I’m totally different now...it’s hard to reestablish the old ways....

I love indoor picnics! I had one the other night at 1:40am lol Have you ever tried a car picnic? Those are nice too when it’s too cold/wet to picnic outside. My parents live by the coast and we used to drive to the beach and watch the ocean whilst eating a picnic in the car. There’s no ocean where I live But sometimes we go and find a nice spot next to a park, or in the countryside for a car picnic.

*Willow*

That actually sounds like a really good idea....we don’t have the ocean but there are trees and ponds etc.

I think its both honestly. At least for me.

Me too. I honestly think it’s made me a better person.