Roll Call 126!

Meh. I'm feeling depressed and tired. I think the tiredness is due to the decrease in sugar and caffeine that I have been doing. Trying to eat better. Want to lose weight. Also will save me money to do it as well.


I'm also stressed. My partner is in the final stretch; we're almost to the goal for her going to school in Finland. Almost.


What's everyone up to this evening?

I'd cry if I weren't so numb. He doesn't think it's a good idea for me to get out of my situation here. He is depressive and always seeing doom ahead. He says he only has a year or two before his work lets him go. But he's been doing that the whole past 18 years.

PowerAmp's shuffle play is so damn good. It keeps making neat segues and playing my favorite files. It's a legacy app now that they came out with Poweramp 3. I don't like having to figure out new apps.

My mom is upset with me cuz i didnt goto my grandpas birthday in cali.

The reason i didnt go is because the bf was gonna go and he couldn’t. So i didnt.

Last time i went I spent 8 days watching tv on the couch with my grandma. Im not going without someone this next time.

Im just not. I refuse to be bored

Numbing self with alcohol instead of dealing with emotions

Same......

I have an alcohol problem again

I feel manic and angry and have akathisia

I am hearing voices. I can tell they are because they do not match the acoustical profile of my surroundings. They don't match. Plus they are...different.


Also felt a demon trying to take me over. To do bad things.

Why. Why is this happening. I need to find a way to fight.

I’m sorry FR. Have you taken a prn?

I seem to feel better after ive had a shower

#selfcare

No more beer tonight

Just like a white wing dove sings a song sounds like she singing... Oh baby oh said oh

I always feel better after a shower.

Made it without drinking. Got there early, they took me right away, the scan took 5 minutes, I was on my way out of the parking lot before my actual appt time.
Ate and took my meds. I had a tomato sandwich. It was so good.
I’m determined to stay awake tonight. I’ve fallen asleep every night.
What’s everyone up to?

My stepdads sister defended me on Facebook :3

Thanks.

I didn’t, I did at least distract myself playing some games and such. We shall see what happens with the rest of the night...

wish ppl would stop setting off stupid azz fireworks

Fr... Take a prn maybe you'll feel better?

Fireworks piss me off too. Really only loud ones.

Yesterday in our neighborhood someone had to of set off 2000 dollars worth of big *** fireworks.

I jump every time

eating a spring lasagna I got fo free

No plans, I'm just staying home and hanging out with whoever is logged on here. I'll probably read more, and buy a few books from Amazon.

I think I might get the Norton critical edition of Paradise Lost and Dr. Faustus by Marlowe. These Norton Critical Edition of books are the best thing ever. It would be amazing if they actually made them for philosophical works like Plato's Republic and Hume.

So... Ive lost all appetite... and my digestive system is like new again. I'm liking this new med cocktail a lot. It took me 45 minutes to fall asleep last night, which is terrific... but tonight im going to not take Benadryl for the first time in months since I have no work tomorrow. The only bad thing is that I'm getting tremors. I'd rather live with it than do another med change and risk all these benefits. I think this med cocktail is the one, I don't think it gets better than this.

I wonder if the Benadryl would help with the tremors?

Cold got way worse. Nose is stuffed.

It was like severe akathisia and heart paranoia this morning. I got no sleep last night because I was too cold then I became too hot and started sweating.

I hope I don't go through another night of this heelllllll