Roll Call 127

So yeah, the appointment earlier with the counselor went well. She had me present my voices and visual hallucinations journal and she gave me some advice as to the details I should write about. Making it easier to remember as well as identify what voices might say something about my mind and such. Hopefully I can deal with better skills sets and get better at handling this.

In other news, I pieced together a problem with my aunt. She has for years claimed to care about me a lot, but will visit everyone else before me. She claims to be on my side. When I lived in the States, when I was on the way to getting my 2 year degree, she said she would visit when I graduated. She didn’t. She never visited me in CT like she promised she would. She’s promised she wants to see me in Finland. Two years living here and counting, nothing.

My cousin and his wife have a baby and she flights out to see them on a dime. A few months notice but still. She didn’t drop a thought at the idea of doing it. And this is the cousin that she criticized behind his back multiple times. The one she complained about to me. I’m glad they are getting support from my family, my cousin. He’s gone through so much and I’m grateful his life is getting better. But I’ve always felt like an outcast in my family. My mom, sister and brother and I are all close. I am grateful for them. The rest of my family? **** them. If they don’t give a crap about me, why should I with them?

Indeed indeed

family...

Falling asleep in my chair. The guys aren’t even home yet. I’m a loser with a capital L.
Everything is quiet tonight. Even my Facebook is dead. Maybe everyone is watching slasher films.

Im with the bf

On the bright side I finally showered today and trimmed my nails. Gonna put blue nail polish on tomorrow.

Saaaaame

Bf left

I seriously cant stand to be without him.

I love him oh so much

Or Christmas in July movies on hallmark....

God

I guess im a grinch

Aaahhh in bed.

Me too!!!

Me three

I'm still up and its 5.30am. XD

My roommate was too stoned so he's sleeping across the room. He gave me a small amount to smoke then another friend gave me a 60/40 sativa dominant strain and I became the universe.

I realize how bad my negative symptoms are. I want to go to school and stuff and weed makes me realize how unproductive I can be even though it makes me really creative. I felt like I was psychic. Now I believe in being psychic.

I've never been like this since only the first time I smoked. Psychosis can be very scary if you lose insight but I feel like the Invega makes me tuned into reality long enough for environmental factors to make me better.

I have a lot of convictions that I need to deal with like a LOT. Basically everything I need to figure out.

I'd prefer to have my own place to live instead of with people. But then I'd feel alone idk.

I think it's worse to feel alone around the wrong people than alone without people. But the people I'm with are good people. Sometimes I was just thinking if people were laughing at me but I brush it off because I have a lot of insight.

I think "The government or other higher people like the 1% of illuminati is brainwashing everyone to make them more money" but I just brush off these thoughts by saying "Don't even think about that stuff - You'll get psychosis. Just chill...".

What an ahole. Was there alcohol involved?

Hey anyone up?

Morning Newtus.

Morning! How are you? You sleep good?

I’m good. Yeah slept from 10 to 5:30. Finally a decent night.
How are you? Plans for the day?

Im ok.

No. No plans for the day as of yet. Gotta figure it out. What about you?

Nothing. Everyone has plans.

Sorry to hear. When are you going on the vacation?

August 20th. I’m so excited. Wish my husband was coming though.