Roll Call 139

it;s cool. don't be embarrassed. i'm just here listening to music as my day goes along into of never ending nothingness.

So I took my anger and frustration and threw it into something productive.


Called two of my therapists back in the United States for statements accounting for my gender dysphoria being present on medical records reaching back to 2010. Then also the pdoc too in 2014-2015. And I am getting my letter of approval for GRS dug up in my other stuff. Once all this is gathered and completed I am going to Trasek again and coordinating with them to negotiate with Tampere University Hospital for referral for surgery. I will concede to a year of stability for approval to GRS.


If they refuse after all this stuff, I will employ legal help with this. Additionally, I will get politically active with the National Coalition Party, Centre Party, and Green Party as lately there has been strong pressure to change transgender healthcare law. They own the majority of parliamentary votes so I will leverage that seeing as a good percentage of these parties support trans rights.


Yeah. I am getting dead serious and will not apologize for advocating for my own health. Enough is enough.

I ended up doing 100 jumping jacks instead of the workout I was planning. II felt like the workout I was planning to do would be just too advanced for me to begin with right away because I haven't exercised in many months... it's a start though

like i've said before i'd trade you genitalia if i could.

I want a cold crisp apple.

Will probably get some on Monday

Hahahahaha I love this so much. I wish I could show this to people.

Making tea, putting vanilla caramel scented wax in the melter and going to read my kindle with the Yule log DVD playing on my TV

I'm being an audio geek again...listening to various live music and identifying microphone brands and types. Figuring out the sound signature of each brand and what their best use situations are. Very interesting thing. I personally think my voice range would shine most on Sennheiser. I'd love to get an e865 or e965 condenser stage mic one day.

Gonna go see my nephew's football game tomorrow night. He's in the playoffs! Kit.

Might drink a 3rd coffee because I have seroquel to sleep and ativan in case something goes wrong.

I miss when I was drinking like 10 cups of coffee a day..

Covefefe!

Finished an assignment, about to play a videogame

Still awake, got out of bed. I just don’t feel tired. Maybe will soon.

About to take a shower then play games. Will be up all night since I slept so late

Took my meds at 8

Waiting for the bf to come home to take The benadryl

I have racing thoughts
I get interested in so many things
That's the way my focus works
Stop
I want to be a musician or a doctor or something. I want to be a psychedelic researcher mostly.
The conversations that I have with myself are insane.
The coffee is doing what I want it to do
I need to keep a steady level of motivation
I'm going somewhere but it feels like I'm going no where
I left my treatment to do what I want. Go on your own curve then keep me on a steady direction
Where do I go? I want to benefit the world on a global scale because I know where the future is headed. The iPhone.. the creator of the iPhone said that LSD was one of the most important things that he has done. He did it and then stopped messing around with the knowledge of consciousness in the world or outer space to continue on his journey. Its important stuff. Everything is important stuff but I cant explain what is in my mind or what my motivations are. Something magical. Explosions of the mind.
People sit around and do nothing. They have to keep moving or they die.
Music, relationships, religion, dynamics of economy and frustration about it is what the people care about. No one listens to my struggle about something magical. Smoke your weed. Theres people that get something out of it.
Heart and soul and art and chemicals flowing through the rivers. What are we doing? Is there no control? Money! Money controls. There will eventually be no more of that.

And that's what I think about things. But theres so much more. My personal life. Other people's dreams. So much pain. Fentanyl. Guns. War.

War about what? War about what? Left and right, identities, like colors funneling down a drain. The drain leads to God himself, herself, itself, flowers dying, sun setting.

So yeah that's enough writing I suppose. But what about time? It just goes so fast and the little things are slow and cherished..

Sleep. Dreams.

I wish I could still get that euphoria I used to get. I used to have it all the time, I can never get that rush of amazing feeling anymore. I mean, I'm happy but that feeling is a whole different level of amazingness it's like electricity rushing through your veins. It's literally better than getting high.

I want that back. I don't like that the mood stabilizer gets rid of it, it was special to me.

Many bipolar people miss their mania. But mood stabilizer helping the depression is worth it..

I’ve been hypomanic once and although I felt really euphoric, I was restless and couldn’t concentrate.

Maybe you’re looking back with rose-tinted glasses? Or maybe it was that way for you.

I think I’m not going to go back to bed now. Up 20 hours and counting.

Slept for 2 hours. Better than nothing.

working today 7-330
apparently my roommate is leaving rehab early and will be coming home today

I have mixed feelings... being here living alone has made me miss living alone all the time. I just need to have my own space with my own things to feel safe

but I cannot afford to live alone in this city. at all

I am drunk (Because I need to counteract the caffeine) and alone so I'm posting on here...

Hellooooo

Helloooooo

Drunk people are cute. Especially people that are tripping though. They the cutest..

Yeah, you're right. There were many issues that came along with it. Not being able to focus, sit still, recklessness, etc