Roll Call 151

I'm just way too relaxed, lethargic, fatigued, tired, sleepy, unmotivated, sedated to do anything.

I took an extra Vyvanse. It barely did anything. I literally can't fight this. It's way too hard. I've never felt this useless before. I don't even want to do anything.

There was a time that I was going to the gym and feeling motivated and doing so many things. Now I feel dead.

I say I'm doing well sometimes but I just have to accept that I'm somewhat unstable and will always try harder than I would without mental illness and a really ****** isolated adolescence.

Oh and btw I was feeling better after watching some podcasts and TED Talks.

Now I feel like I'm being possessed by the devil again. But I'm good.

I'm not a sociopath. I am tortured by my own mind. I have no desire to hurt people. Just the ones that need to learn a lesson. But I always get blamed for **** that I didn't do. It happens all the time since I was a kid. I just have **** luck.

sometimes wonder if I'm really a sociopath well more so narcissistic with the thoughts that go on inside my mind. I mean I know I'm not but can't help but question my motives... Everyone do things for selfish reasons. Even if it seems to be a selfless act... they're doing it to make them feel better about themselves. I don't know if I'm being manipulative or if I'm just expressing true feelings in my head when I'm saying I want to die. I do feel like I want to die... but then if I think about it... maybe it's not that I want to die... more so I don't want to feel this mental anguish anymore. I feel really bad right now. I feel like a horrible person. I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve to feel at least sane. That's why the gods curse me with this. I can't express how heartbroken I am right now but I probably deserve it no matter how unfair I feel like it is.

No sleep yet again... At an AA meeting before PHP. May not stay for the whole day of PHP... May head home and nap...

The likelihood of this is minute I promise you.
I think you need to talk to your care team, Falcs. Perhaps this isn’t the best time to discharge.

You are a good person, Desoxyn. Your illness lies to you.

You do not deserve what your mind is telling you.
I’m sorry you are hurting and struggling so much right now.

Morning

With everything going on, I feel so idk. I cant explain it. Many times lately I feel like I've been breathing through a coffee straw. Those extremely skinny straws u get with your coffee.

I've not been eating and barely sleeping. Throwing up everyday from anxiety.

Idk

I'm so sorry newt. That sounds awful.

Sorry I went to sleep. I'm feeling a bit better in the morning, just got hit by a wave of psychosis last night.

I think I'll be fine to discharge. My doc says I will always have little flare ups, and last night was just one of those. I'm not in psychosis this morning, I'm better.

I did tell my therapist though and he offered me support

So sorry you are having so much anxiety. Is there anything you can try to do to self soothe so the anxiety doesn't cause you to be physically ill? Can you try some deep breathing? I know you said you feel like you are breathing through a coffee straw, maybe you aren't able to breathe deep enough, to get your belly to move up and down due to the breathing. Can you try something soothing like a warm shower, or hugging a stuffie, or coloring, or listening to music? I hope you feel better soon. HUGS Kit

Morning all. Trying to get through another day. Feeling like I might SH. Trying to avoid it. I feel a bit paranoid so I'm trying to stay calm and do some self talk. We'll see how that works out! HUGS Kit

Hello, I'm feeling a lot better

Is it just me or these past six months most of Roll Callers have been really struggling with life? Whether it’s mental or physical illness or just life in general? But hey July is almost over, here’s hoping for a better last half of the year

Thanks @12AM

Thank you, @12AM !!!

Anyone know how I get a case worker? I see people like @Blue_Bird mentioning them and they seem like a real help.

I think it’s different everywhere but in my state you can get one if you’re on Medicaid....

Sometimes I wish I had one! But I'm on insurance through my work. Pretty good insurance, but I can't have a case worker

I'm not really sure how I got one, I have medicaid and it covers it, ask your doctor or therapist if they know any agencies who have case managers available, mine comes from a local agency

I think I was referred to them several years ago after getting out of the hospital

They are very helpful