Roll Call 151

I got a pound of death wish coffee so I'll be trying that in the morning 😃

Find Your Anchor

I know I posted this before but it might be beneficial to you right now.....

There are ups and down to a college or university. The down is the cost and the gamble of good professors,. In my experience, that's mostly with philosophy--the philosophy professors were awesomely bad a, but only in philosophy! It's 50/50 that you'll get a bad philosophy professor. I had one racist philosophy professor that said one white man was more creative than 10 Asian men. I had another that would childishly call me names like "meno". I had another one that tortured his students with Wittgensteining Philosophy in my phl of mind class. The level of stress this man brought to the class because he wanted them all to give up philosophy. It ultimately lead to my sz breakdown because I had him in two classes in a semester, and did a symposium with him. My ancient philosophy professor read a few paragraphs of Homer in an anthology and decided to "teach" homer--the first day of class of that he lost the entire class because many of them already read Homer and disagreed with him outloud.. A kid in the front row would always take naps because it never got above room temperature in that class. He never showed excitement. I think he didn't like me right away because I politely asked him if he would go over Pythagoras, but instead he didn't want to excite a student, and instead dragged us through every other pre socratic, except Socrates the man, and Pythagoras,

All my experiences with math, science, psychology, History, lit, were fantastic though. But with phl,, I don't know, I had a better experience with philosophers in community college rather than the university. I don't know why that is. It was crazy to see my philosophy of science professor openly criticize my philosophy of early modern philosophy just because I asked her what's the distinction between continental and analytical, and then I went to him to ask the same question. Then He criticize my philosophy of mind, and thought he took down Wittgenstein while he was at it in like a 2 minute period.

Philosophers at the university basically want you to be a good dog, sit in the chair and not ask questions, and agree with their own philosophy. Then you're a good boy, and if you're a good enough boy by obeying them, then they will write you a letter of recommendation.

I wasn't a blank slate coming into the university regarding philosophy, because I read most of the books before hand.

For instance, my philosophy of science professor somehow tried to do a Segway into 1984 while I was under psychosis, thinking everything was hacked, and that people were spying on me and my girlfriend. He said the meaning of 1984 was that you couldn't make love in private.
A: that triggered the **** out of me
B: he was so far off from the true meaning, which was right there on the first page, that you can't be an individual with individual thoughts. Winston Smith's first act was that he started a journal--that was the original sin he committed against his government.

Okay, im venting. I'll stop now.

If I can vent anywhere, I guess this might be the best place. Sorry guys.

Double the caffeine so watch out....

I never know what constitutes an emergency. Like when it is that I should call my T. How bad do I have to feel before I call her. I imagine it's like I'm feeling so bad I'm going to the hospital, but it's unlikely that T would be able to help at that moment anyway so it seems pointless.

While I ve never called in an emergency I’ve been surprised quite often by the solutions my T has, it can’t hurt to call.

BB, do you feel sedated after taking Trileptal? Does the sedation go away? Honestly, I hope it doesn't.

The Trileptal I think is helping me sleep. I haven't taken any Benadryl for a few days. After I take the Trileptal I get a bit tired, but it's not overwhelming. I can't tell weather it's because it has a sedating effect or that I'm actually really tired. It's more sedating than any other med I've taken.

For some reason, I've gotten two hits on my Torch project that's not even a post but only part of my menu on my wordpress and I haven't updated it yet because I want to finish part 2 of my storm and stress 2 part series. I wonder why it's getting hits at all.

It used to help me sleep really well too, it is very sedating, it lasted for a long time, I can't tell anymore whether it is still or not though because I also take 3mg of vraylar and 600 mg seroquel which make me pretty tired too

I can definitely feel the trileptal slow me down a lot though an hour after I take my morning dose and my night dose

I'm trying like hell to lose weight on the seroquel

I totally forgot I had Oreos...they are the 100 calorie packs which is seriously two cookies but I think it will be nice with some mint tea. Hopefully I can control myself and only open one pack or it will defeat the purpose of getting the 100 cal packs.

By accidently, I ended up losing like 20lbs, While taking 100mgs of Seroquel, because I started the chip diet lol. Basically, all I'd eat is chips with 3 beers to keep my anxiety down and save money. Otherwise, I'd spend $30 bucks on lunch EVERY SINGLE lunch, and spend 200 a week just on lunches because I'd always order 2 tall beers. But now that im on payroll, my taxes are taken out automatically. Thank god for my boss doing that. It's nice to not have to worry about taxes in the middle of the winter.

I shouldn't drink beer at work, I know, but It's nice to look forward to something in the middle of the day to feel a little emotion and to take away anxiety and depressing thoughts. I don't drink otherwise except when I write on the weekends.

I've had soooo much to do lately.

Had to run errands today. Make phone calls. And people called me. And now I've been cleaning the house ever since I been home. Except for the hour break I took.

Tomorrow i go up to the job to do paperwork to put me on the payroll and stuff. Etc.

They make mint oreos

FUN FACT! Oreos are vegan!

Not that I'm vegan, but one of my friends are. I don't know how he does it. I keep failing at being a vegetarian.

I've been using coffee to help with my junk food cravings, like drinking black coffee no sugar or anything and water throughout the day , it seems to help I tend to buy a bunch of crap I shouldn't convincing myself I'll just have a little snack now and then then it snowballs to out of control bingeing

Yeah I was careful to get the packed ones though which are only originals because I can eat like 1/3 to half a pack of the normal packages without even thinking.

We reached 100 pages so I made a new Roll call

https://psychcentralforums.com/schiz...ml#post6600678

Rants are one of my favourite things.

I just have no energy but I feel excited and inspired to continue my progress on the internet. Having access to all information is a good thing and all I did as a teenager is sleep.

I know more about myself and how the world works and reality in my 20[s than a 40 year old a few decades ago.