Roll Call 151

Your mom is like an evil entity that sucks the blood from your neck

I'm having trouble losing weight still. I've been exercising every other day for quite awhile, and cutting calories for 3 weeks, but have only lost 6 pounds.

6 lb in 3 weeks is really good. Usually people can only lose 1 lb. a week.

Yea I guess your right. Cuz that's like 2 pounds a week.

Yeah weight loss takes a lot of time and patience. It took me 2 years to lose 100 lbs

I feel absolutely horrible from the lack of sleep

Man I cant do anything but drink. This shooting stuff in the news and the reaction on my personal facebook. Man Idk where to begin man.

It was pretty stupid of me to psychologize white supremacy, so I deleted my post. I feel a headache coming on. Anything positive happen today? I messaged a couple women, but for some reason they wait a week to respond until it's too late to go on a date :-/

I got clothes for work. But I'm doubting my ability to work since I could barely walk for an hour straight. I got a new job.

After your first day of work I recommend some CBD oil for the pain your legs will be in. During the weekend im on my ***, so I know how it feels that first work day!

Seeing my pdoc tomorrow.

Injecting some happiness and beauty....

Thanks yea. I think I'll mostly be sitting tho. Thank the lord god almighty...

That last one is cool

Thanks

I'm soooooo happy meeting my cousin. We get along really well. She moved to the city here and will be visiting more. I love my extremely dysfunctional family <3 My mom was talking about why she and my dad are divorced and how a previously married man (Her bf) said to his wife that he wants my mom even though they were just friends.. and my sister reading a text from my dads almost 30 year old hoe saying "I miss you daddy" in spanish... stuff like that..

All I've been doing the past 3 days is talking, hiking, going to restaurants and having coffee. I took my cousin to the top of one of the mountains to see the mountain range. We had a lot of laughs cuz we're all funny people.

My mom is getting a bit stubborn about her breast cancer and taking her beta blockers. She's not dwelling on it anymore and just living as normal which is a good sign I suppose because it's likely stage 2 and they'll take a lymph node to see if it's stage 3. She'll definitely do radiation but might refuse chemo.

I cleaned my room at midnight and will sleep soon. I put the water and meds closer to my bed so I can wake up earlier by reaching to my bedside table and taking the Vyvanse easier then go back to sleep. I think that's considered abuse of the medication but there's nothing else I can do. The mornings are really bad for me and I always feel better at night.

I feel more social and my medications are adjusted perfectly. I smoked a bowl of temple CBD strain this morning and one in the evening. In between that, I took a few puffs of pineapple express high THC strain. Whatever I'm doing with my meds and drugs, I'm doing it right and want this feeling to last forever.

My mom's friend with bipolar looked like she was having a hard time when we were all at the restaurant. She wasn't saying much which isn't like her at all and was self conscious about herself. I should have talked to her more but usually she is the one that is always hyper. She works two jobs and seemed depressed so I'm gonna talk to her the next time I see her and tell her positive things. I said that she is family.

Glad to hear you're doing well Desoxyn

I feel a lot better today, got 9 hours of sleep

Morning. Still feel like **** in a cracker. Managed about 4 hrs sleep. Yay me.
Working for a bit today then I’m going to take my daughter and gram to the outdoor coffee shop to waste some time. My aunt is working today and my uncle has something going on so he was going to leave her alone. Uhh no not the best idea.

Yay for finally sleeping! Glad you feel better!

I only got 4 hrs of sleep too... I feel pretty awful also. My sleep schedule is really getting to me now. My body can't take much more of this not sleeping well or at all.

Pretty busy day. Feels good to relax. Maintenance is fixing my ceiling tomorrow and Wednesday

Back from the pdoc.

She raised my geodon another 20mg. I told her I was having slight paranoia and fear about leaving the house. Like people hurting me. And some other stuff like being too open with hurtful thoughts towards others.

I told her about the job I'm getting. She is happy for me. She said she can tell I am very knowledgeable about how to maintain my personal mental health.

So that was good.

Fiance got mad at me this morning. Very angry. I let xena out of the kennel and outside to pee, and then let her back in to roam. I fell asleep and she tore up many things. Like a pillow to shreds. There were feathers everywhere. Fiance was extremely mad.

This is an example of how my mental illness causes confusion with everyday things. I was confused cuz he tells me if I'm the first one up, to let her out of the kennel. So I did. But then he told me if I'm going to sleep I need to put her back in. I understand. I got confused.

Confusion happens to me a lot. I seem to miss or not understand certain things. A lot of them simple to most everyone. But when I'm told to do something and I'm told a lot of little details, I get confused.

I seem to only be able to understand something with a couple or few instructions to them. Things with multiple instructions given to me causes me major confusion.

I think I read something about this in a book about schizophrenia I have. Like caregivers and partners of people with this illness should give simpler instructions when they tell them to the person, like instead of making a long statement like " go to the store buy coffee and stop by this place on your way back then do this thing" etc they should just break it down into simpler straightforward statements one at a time.