Roll Call 151

I went three days last week without my meds but went back on them on Friday and have been pretty good except today I was kind of weird.

Thoughts of impulsively cutting my hair or jumping off the roof and obsessively listening to songs looking for hidden meanings. Usual weird stuff that pops up.

I managed to focus on my job and got my work done and going to the gym after work really helped me get focused. Plus got a good arm pump going on so bonus.

thank god, I spotted a spider right as it started to drop down from the ceiling onto my bed, I jumped up so fast grabbed my broom and got it down and the hell away

I remember my therapist at my old clinic said I had OCD.

I knew it did for years but didn't say anything cuz i never thought it was severe enough. But the past 2 or 3 weeks it's been worse. I have to do things 3 times now. All the time. I cant just relax. I feel like if I dont do things either 3 or 5 or 7 times I feel incomplete, stressed, and very anxious. It's really bugging me. But I cant do it more than 7 times cuz then I might as well do it 101 times. Fck. Yea I'm serious, 101.

It's funny, I'm kinda bored, but I'm also exhausted and dont have the energy to do anything.

I tried going to the gym on the elliptical and could only do it for a few minutes, got a drink of water, did it for a few more minutes and it was too boring so I just walked home. I was sweating a lot though.

Everything is annoying. I have no energy or motivation.

Personal shoes and work shoes I bought yesterday.

Fck. The work shoes dont fit. They are my size tho. I gotta take them back tomorrow.

I didnt try any shoes on because I didnt have time.

If you could describe and simplify who I am into that sentence, that's it.

I'm so fcking sad and lonely

Alcohol makes me feel things

Saw this. Thought it was funny and cute.

I'm breaking down mentally and emotionally. My thoughts are just worthless thoughts. They belong to the system. I hate everything and love everything.

Everything sucks. If only I had guidance instead of wondering through life aimlessly.

I'm very distressed as usual. My happy thoughts don't last long. They're just reflections of insight to move crap thoughts forward.

There's sativa strains for fatigue. But they may cause psychosis.

Screw my psychosis. Let me die and my body be blasted through space. But my friends and family won't let me not care. Screw it. Hospitalized. Smoking.

Sorry you’re feeling down, what kind of guidance are you looking for?

I definitely agree u need guidance tweaky.

Gamers get a bad rap (rap, is that the correct word to use?). Honestly, playing games are way better than passively watching a tv. My psychology professor said if you want smart kids then "Games, games, games!"

Idk.. People say school like college or university isn't worth it. That really confuses me. I don't want to work a job I hate.

I need friends. I'm too tired to think. There's no point anymore in trying. I've hit a dead end.

I think its "rep". As in, bad reputation.

Fck it I'm going for a walk into the forest

There’s rap as in rapport.

College is super expensive now why not community college?

I have a conviction where I don't know about post secondary education because I hate how no one in high school ever did anything for me and what I want or goals.

I told my mom I wanted to walk in the forest. She said "Why, are you manic?" and I said no I'm depressed cuz I drank 3 ciders. She asked why and I said cuz I was sad.

Very sad. I literally hate life and this puzzle. I've been neglected my whole life and focus on all the negative things that have happened to me. All I am is an entity that acts and I don't want to act anymore. I just want to be myself. But I hate myself. I want to be better. To transform. But negative symptoms get in the way. I want to be inspired and build skills to something that I like. But I don't know what I like. I fcked up everything.

I feel like sleeping my life away but I'd rather die

Ah yes! Ok.

Did u end up getting a switch, falcon?