Roll Call 153

Think of it as transitional, eventually you’ll get back to feeling good and happy.

I hope so. I can't even remember what good and happy feels like, but there must have been a time when I felt that way. But I remain hopeful that it can happen, and will happen. While I breathe, I hope.

@newtus are you doing okay?

I have a headache from all the crying. Sigh.

I feel quite horrible cuz I depleted the GABA from my all my brain cells.

How did you do that?

Hey yea thanks for asking.

In a lot of pain with my lower back from sitting at work lately. It really hurts to sit.

HUGS @newtus I'm sorry you are in pain. Can you use a heating pad or anything like that? Might help. Thanks for the update. HUGS.

Was talking with my mom, going to give her some gardenia soap, a small hummingbird figurine and a dragonfly window glass when I go visit in October...she’s not feeling as optimistic as during the previous chemo so I want to cheer her up.

Yea probably gonna get Bengay or whatever.

HUGS @Sometimes psychotic That's really kind of you to think of things to cheer your Mom up. Chemo is hard. My Dad had Chemo and Radiation when he had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I hope your Mom will be okay. Does she live far from you? If she does, maybe you can send her a little note or one of your drawings or card once a week, to let her know you're there. IDK your religious preference but when a friend of mine was going through something really tough I sent her a Bible verse every day via text for like 45 days. You could do something like that, or just like a positive quote or something. HUGS. I hope your Mom will be okay.

I like aspercreame with lidocane. Good stuff. Just cause I don't like how bengay smells.

Scared myself a minute ago when I went to the bathroom at work. I was hallucinating and I thought there was a racoon in the bathroom. But there wasn't. There was a spider in my office but someone must have killed it. I don't kill them. I just let them be. I'm pretty sure the spider wasn't a hallucination, but I'm not 100% sure.

Going to my cousin's wedding in Vegas this weekend. Yeah. (Sarcasm) Get to spend time with the extended family. Yeah. (Sarcasm). There's a few people I like in my family but most of them think I'm a loser. I end up just feeling bad about myself.

I feel like everyone is stepping all over me and I'm sick of it.

HUGS @Day Tripper

Thanks S.K. she lives like five hours away I usually take the train when I go there so it’s probably only about four times a year but we talk on the phone every day and I send her photos of my paintings...still you’ve given me a good idea I have these water color cards that I can easily send by regular mail...I think she’d really like getting a card periodically 😀

I think I should just IGNORE EVERYTHING and learn how to draw. I don't care about anything else. I'm going to block out the world, the bad news on TV and the internet, the environmental disasters, the economy, the brainwashing, the successful people, my responsibilities and just draw.

@ Kit, my GABA is less cuz I was taking beta-phenyl-GABA. It will take two weeks for me to go back to normal.

I'm thinking of tripping one day soon but I can't bring myself to thinking about doing it because my set and setting is bad. I would love to go to a hippie commune where everyone's tripping and trip with them and talk, maybe one of those places where you get free accommodation if you do work such as feeding cows (Mushrooms grow in the cow pie), watering plants, carrying things, etc..

Why would they think you are a loser? I think you’re great and it sounds like you do a great job at work too.

Because I'm not married and I still live with my parents. Everyone in my extended family thinks there's something wrong with me.

Sorry to hear they are so judgy....

First mini card for my mom

Looks beautiful

I turn 31 in a few weeks I still live with my mom and my sister. No shame.

Hope I can get some sleep tonight