Roll Call 155

Haven't had a panic attack in 4 days

I want to go somewhere fun like a holiday. I might be going to Mexico to visit my dad in November. If not, my mom will come with us in December when she's done radiation. She finds out tomorrow I think if she has to do chemo.

But also I need to focus on learning about investing to become overnight success in ~10 years. Many skills to be learned and variety of colourful actions instead of being a dead zombie.

But I just can't focus. I took a Vyvanse but it calmed my thoughts down.

My thoughts were really nice and completely perfect when I took a vyvanse with an energy drink while hiking. I made like 5 scientific discoveries just by walking and meditating but forgot what I was thinking about.

I always forget what I'm thinking about. My mind is a constant thought machine making a string chain of thoughts that goes on forever and ever. I'm constantly entertained by my thoughts that I don't need anything to entertain me. But I'm addicted to music because my frequency is that of music. My mind works in musical repetitive beats and lyrics. My thoughts are lyrics.

My mom and sister are going to a vollyball tournament and it funds breast cancer <3 I'll be alone for 2 days.

I tried being civil with them and my mom told me I should just go "crazy" on them like my uncle did to get any ****ing real help. I'm on 6 or 7 different medications including the injection. I miss my uncle I miss him so much. Everyone leaves me. Every ****ing one of them. I give people a chance.

They will go away eventually don't worry. They just... slowly go away. Make sure to only take a benzo 1-2 times a week.

Every panic attack that you have, you realize that you're not going to die and you're like "Oh.. well I guess I'm having another panic attack.. whatever.."..

Hi @Blue_Bird I'm doing okay. I cancelled my T appointment this week because I had too much going on. Work has been hectic because the owner has been here and the controller so I haven't spent as much time on PC as usual but I've been reading and trying to keep up. Thanks for asking! HUGS to all, Kit

Wow! That is great progress!

Sorry @Erti Sometimes I just don't know what to say, but I read and try to give hugs or thanks. HUGS!!! Kit

Thanks Yeah, the Inderal has helped a lot, I haven't needed the klonopin at all in 4 days, glad about that because I hated relying on it. It's good to have something better for long term and save klonopin for emergencies

It's the small things!

Home! Off til monday! I goto the super 2 story furniture store on Saturday! Then a halloween party! Yeet!

Yeet.. =[

Good to hear from you hope things settle down at work soon

Get my work paycheck tomorrow!

That's always awesome!

The owner of the company left but she said she would be back in about a month, and the controller left. They fly out tomorrow morning but had a meeting in another city with some consultants of ours. They both told me I am doing a good job and not to let anyone tell me otherwise and they both thanked me for what I do. I hugged them both as they left. I probably won't see the controller again for a long time but it is nice to put a face with the name, as I am always sending her messages on skype and emailing her.

Yea I love it that I get my paycheck on the day I dont work for the week. But I gotta try to save it for moving.

What pissed me off a few days ago is fiance spent 100 dollars on smoke. I was really upset. I told him we are trying to move. He acted like he just brushed it off. He knows he fckd up tho.

Slight psychosis will take an olanzepine

Screw it im not taking a nasty olanzepine it will ruin my productivity

I'll just listen to some music.. chill.. then if that doesn't work I'll meditate.

Is it true that one doesn't know when they're in psychosis? (Important question) cuz I do... But I'm never sure.. I just know because I know I was psychotic for definite on my bad trip. And this feels slightly like it.

But it's manageable. I just don't like meds.

Had a slight anxiety attack after eating something

My story got posted on Yahoo

Link it on snap if it’s under your real name....

Can't wait to sleep tonight. I'm worn out from walking many miles yesterday and today, it's gonna feel good

My mood crashed again... Having sui thoughts... Gonna go prepared to PHP tomorrow with a bag of clothes and everything...