Roll Call 155

It's not really an opiate or even an opioid either

Oh ok. Well hopefully I'll get some to try. It's against the rules but I haven't let that stop me before. I hope they don't have like only a vaping liquid because I won't try that.

It comes in plain leaf powder and capsules. People usually drink the powder as a hot tea. It tastes nasty and very bitter

Theres also a lot of different strains that have different effects. It's a plan that grows in southwest Asia. So different "veins" cause different effects

I suggest researching it

Sorry think jts south east Asia,Idonesia namely. It's actually banned in Indonesia

Yes, I should. I don't think I can drink a bitter tea. In my younger life I used to make strong valerian tea and force myself to get it down. Once I brewed valerian, hops, and catnip and maybe another calming tea, it was really nice. Not the taste but the affect.

Got my meds sorted with the pharm...they said I still had six refills even though their text had zero. Going to make a shrimp boil sheet pan this week. Kinda breaking my weekday vegetarian rules but it looked good.

I voted! Now I had a couple shots to drown my sorrows hoping for the best. I’ll probably be asleep before the results all come in so I hope I wake up to good news.

Today is my birthday.

I'm so tired, I just keep sleeping.

Happy birthday......again lol

Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday @falcon09 Hope you have a great day!

Happy bday!

Happy bday!!!

I'm tired today. I didn't do much this weekend. Sort of vegged out. It felt good and bad. My Dad is doing better. He has to follow up with the GP and a cardiologist but he is feeling much better. Feel like SH-ing but IDK I'm trying not to. Work is boring today. And I feel like I am getting a migraine. Ugh.

Thanks everyone! <3 <3 <3

I’m glad your dad is doing better but sorry about how you’re feeling...hugs.

Anxiety is high. I think partially from sipping coffee all day at work. Plus I had 2 gulps of some this morning. I cant have more than two gulps a day right now and I still sipped it all day. Very tiny sips. The coffee only went down maybe an inch or two max.

I blame the geodon. But I'm not too mad, because I used to have to take 2 cups of coffee for it to work on me. Now two gulps will do. Plus I'm on some vitamins that are supposed to help my energy.

I have so much energy these days. It's actually too much. I have had a few nights where I cant sleep at all. If i didnt have the benadryl i wouldnt be able to sleep at all. But those nights are far and few in between. The last two times were closer together like within a week ago, but I think its cuz I'm SO excited about moving and getting to decorate and choose furniture and everything.

But I cant ignore that I feel hypomanic nearly everyday now. But idk how much of that is true hypomania. Cuz in the past 4 years when I dont do anything all day I'm tired. Like now. But whenever I lived with my dad, and had like my pdoc or therapy appt, I felt energized. I just think a lot of this is just because once I get going, i get going. If i dont do anything, then I'm tired all day.

Now I'm starting to doubt having any thyroid issues. I know some much of my low energy used to be from the medicine. I'm wondering, from what I said in the last paragraph, if i actually like worked out properly, if I would have even more energy and wouldnt have to take the vitamins and thyroid med. Idk.

My self improvement notes are awesome. I just need to read more. I feel really motivated today.

Playing lo-fi hip hop while I cleaned. Now chilling in the couch listening to it on my google hub. I love that kind of music. It's like a mix of jazz and hip hop. When I was a teen I loved listening to the local jazz radio station to help me fall asleep. It usually worked.

Imma sleep

I don't trust anybody anymore. Not even my doctor or therapist. Not my parents. Nobody. Seriously. This is ridiculous.

Edit: I need to say my true emotions otherwise I get no benefit from anything. And these are my true emotions.

I was held back in the first grade. There, I had to read James and the Giant Peach. It was awful. Who cares about some nobody, flying in a peach that nobody cares about, to who knows where. I don't even like peaches! I want to keep roasting this terrible book but that's not my entire point. The point is that we, as humans, need to find books that custom suit what we are moved by.

The first great book I read was Ender's Game. A book about a kid genius who suffers isolation in order to grow in creativity in combat. What I learned is that I enjoy books where the character is of higher intelligence that is meant to suffer to become more than who he is now. It's part of the "hero's journey" found in great literature. A common book me and SP love is The Name of the Wind. Again a protagonist of higher intelligence that must encounter suffering for the sake of overcoming to forge his steel. Homer's Odyssey has a lot of the same makings and it was written like 2,700 years ago! If you do enjoy this formula I recommend googling genius protagonists and a goodreads.com list will be found and check out those books.

However, that might not be your jam. And that's cool. I started my journey reading with the Great Books of Western Civilization works to give me focus. I read most of them. The only downfall is that female writers are slim. Still, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is in the top 10, a must. But theres just not enough o them, or people of color. So there is a limitation or a flaw.

So what moves you? Why do you want to read? What are you looking for in a book exactly? Fiction, nonfiction, biographies? I need to read more biographies.

What I find interesting, and what you find interesting, might be vastly different though. Part of my trick to focus on reading is the setting I choose. I often go without my laptop to a café, library, or bar and put my ear buds in.

If you don't have an electronic/instrumental playlist that helps you focus, you can always use mine on Spotify! I'll link you to it if you want to check it out.

The point is that you don't want to be distracted by the ubiquitous screen found everywhere. It kills focus.

I've been shaking lately. Like my hands. They shake. I think it's from the geodon. When I need to sit still to write or text or anything like that, my hands shake.

This book always cheers me up