Roll Call 157

Wow this is interesting stuff -----> Thought - Wikipedia

God I'm writing such nonsense. I'm writing nonsense right now. As AD said, How have us humans even gotten this far in communicating without blowing ourselves up?

Idk...

WW1 and 2.. Oh wait people are blowing each other up right now as we speak..

@Desoxyn
My dad uses pot. It works for him. It has long term effects on me when I use it continually. Plus pot doesn't allow me to entertain long trains of thought which is not productive for my passion of writing. That's why I stay away from it personally.

It's interesting that you seem to think with pictures, for I tend to thing by experience. I never really thought about this either until you told me you think in pictures. I crave the experience of awe in the dark sublime found in sadnesss, regret, dread; or in bright beauty found in Plato, hope, the gift of giving. Whatever I find interesting I try to crown it in an experience that I hope to cultivate an emotion around it. That's part of why the Myers Brigg test got me right when they labeled me an Infj, which is intuition base, which is directed towards emotional experience. My second story is all about this.

Being an INFP, I did the test again but manipulated it to what someone would be if they were able to focus and had discipline and got INFJ.

But I could be wrong in explaining this. (The J and P function is what I mean). I know what it is I just can't explain it.

I associated it with "current negative symptoms" (Not the ones that got better cuz those were really bad like anhedonia, etc which you currently have).

Give me your judging function.. Although I like the prospecting one.. idk.. If I wanted to bad enough, I'd change.. Idk..

I was about to say before I was writing about thoughts that I was right about the Vyvanse withdrawal and feeling "Pain in my whole body but not really pain.. More like I'm being tortured" and I found a lot of articles saying "Antipsychotic induces acute DYSTONIA following stimulant withdrawal"..

I do kinda hate myself and my flaws atm imo

Can't wait till Saturday, coffee with my sister

Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I'm very thankful for all here. The food today was horrible. I don't know what changed, but it went from excellent to inedible in not long of time. My Mom's food was horrible too, she's in a rehab place like where I am short term while she recovers from some issues.

And I thought a lot about the friend I lost in the 2000's. I'm so regretful of that. Since then I've disappeared. Phone number, etc. To this day I don't know why I did that.

Another charger and wall adapter was stolen today. And the original cord was tampered with. Someone cut the plastic to expose the wire in two places. I ****ing hate it here.

I hope everyone is ok. Falcon, I hope your meds/med changes go well.

I have had that all my life, can't wait until it's over.

Going to start taking lots of walks again. Want to get back in shape.

The meds and snack are done so I can vape under my blanket without too much trouble. My friend should be in town momentarily but it's too late to visit tonight. Hopefully I'll see him tomorrow. I hope he can get me a new charger.

I have another bottle of Coke Zero to break into. And my headphones should be charged by now and I have 92% full battery on my phone. I'm daf.

I'm still craving cigarettes. I think being forced to hang out with the smokers has a lot to do with it.

I can't believe I'm still addicted to nicotine. It's been 4 months without smoking cigarettes but I still use the nicotine spray.

I'm brainwashed by the tobacco companies.. Or I just naturally need some reason to be avoidant.

I had avoidant personality disorder when I was a teenager. I'd buy food and candy so I could stand there and eat so it looks like I'm doing something so I could avoid everyone and not make friends. I'd always go to the store at lunch and buy food to heat up. I was a bit underweight before stimulants probably from all the stress.

It worked but it's like an addiction. It killed me in the end. I was lonely and afraid of rejection but convinced myself that I wasn't and didn't need friends.

"Avoidant personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called anxious personality disorders, which are marked by feelings of nervousness and fear. People with avoidant personality disorder have poor self-esteem. They also have an intense fear of rejection and being negatively judged by others."

I guess I did have poor self esteem @ Atypical Disaster but I pretended that I was too cool to have it lol

The psychedelics provided a cure to that anxiety for me and allowed me to be more open and want to talk to people again.

trying to work up the courage to text my therapist

Morning

Had 2 gulps of coffee and I feel nauseous. I dont think I can drink coffee anymore. Idk why. Maybe the acidity of the coffee hurts my stomach. Idk what to do to get that morning energy. I cant do creamer cuz lactose intolerance.

You need to figure out if it’s the acidity if the coffee or the caffeine that bother you because there are other ways to get caffeine. If you can’t have caffeine then you probably need more sleep.

I seem to be fine drinking energy drinks.

I gotta try to wake up. I only got today, tomorrow, and the next day to finish this video thing.

So tired even though I slept fine last night and took a nap earlier

Me too. I slept the whole night. Got up and had 2 sips of coffee and went back to bed til now.

I think you have your answer then......

I'm out of coffee and breakfast tea so I don't have caffeine to help wake me up today lol I'll get some more on Monday

It's only a 3-5 min video. Why am I freaking out.

I need to write a script first.

Sometimes it helps to realize you’re probably just excited not so much freaked out.....they kinda go together.