Roll Call 157

Hello. Post. And don't be all like "I'll not post". Just post damn it! We need memes! Memes! No jk..

I'm gonna go to the library today and get books.. Cuz I need to read..

Thanks for the new roll call!

Thanks for the new roll call Desoxyn

I'm not sure why but I'm getting obsessed about weight loss again and am being restrictive. I'm trying not to resort to my ED behaviors, it's just I feel really guilty when I eat, even if it's healthy stuff. I'm trying to continue to do well in recovery though

I think I have a hard time with not crossing the line from healthy lifestyle/ weight loss to unhealthy behaviors. It's hard to stay on the right side and not overdo it

Thanks for the new Roll Call tweaky!

And just like that, I sat on a plane for five hours that I am not getting back.

I think it’s hard enough not to develop an eating disorder with APs but if you’ve had one in the past it’s even harder. Even the more weight neutral APs you have to eat with....it’s been said that the eating is tied to the effectiveness of APs though it’s hard to prove. There’s just something wrong with that, that they can’t find truly weight neutral APs.

As far as restriction realize it’s fuel that your body needs to be healthy. You don’t want to be running on fumes. I think the minimum number of calories docs want you to get is 1200 a day.

Thanks tweaks!

Thank you,, I'll work on trying to see food that way

The obsession comes and goes. I'll go through phases where it's harder and phases where it's much less of a problem.

I definitely don't want to end up in the ER again , so I'm making myself eat

Made plans to have dinner with my friend tomorrow

Closes psych central in browser...opens tapatalk, lol

Have only read 45 books this year, in the middle of another 2 so almost 47. My usual amount is closer to 100. I think I'll set my goal to 100 for this coming year since my concentration has greatly improved over the past few months and I'm reading at my normal frequency/speed again.

My concentration is crap. I need to organize myself. I don't feel like talking right now. Maybe I need phenibut but then my concentration is much less... I prefer apathy and focus with crap in my head than happiness and being unable to focus..

I went to the library and got the book "Blade Runner". I haven't seen the movies yet. Also another one by Philip K. **** called "Valis" - "It's is... about madness, pain, deception, death, obsessive delusory states of the mind, cruelty, solitude, imprisonment, and it is a joy to read" - "about a schizophrenic hero, the hidden mysteries of Gnostic Christianity; and the reality as revealed through a pink laser".

Day Tripper will be happy about this lol.. I needs to read..

my psychiatrist thinks I might be BP1 w/ psychotic features rather than schizoaffective because I don't really have thought disorder

Thought disorder!.. A clouded mind of lightning and slowly moving revolving doors, spitting out random objects that all make sense to you while letting everyone in to see nothing at all..

Hmmm I thought the difference was if you had mood elements triggering the psychosis or if thy occurred independently?

It's hard to tell if it's bipolar with psychosis or schizoaffective while on antipsychotics unless it's observed from past perspective

When my cat meows, I fill her food dish but she doesn't notice so I point at the food and then she looks at my finger..

Fack

My doctor explained to me that I have manic episodes, depressive episodes, psychotic symtpoms that can occur inside and outside mood episodes and other symptoms of schizophrenia such as flat affect, loosely connected ideas like word salad sometimes, etc and negative symptoms. Apparently the diagnosis is a little more complex than the common view of it's just when you have psychotic symptoms outside of mood episodes. there's another diagnosis, i forget what it's called. I think Bipolar w/ mood incongruent psychotic features or something like that

there's an interesting thread on it in the bipolar forum here

Bipolar 2, Bipolar 1, Schizoaffective Disorder

The universe invented negative symptoms as a sick joke

I'm "window shopping" on amazon

In reality though, if my label changes from schizoaffective to bipolar 1 it doesn't mean much. My med regimen won't change because of it, I still experience psychosis, etc.

Have a 1/2 gallon milk gift certificate to a local store that came with my turkey basket, so I'll head over there and pick one up tomorrow

Sometimes I wonder if I'm normal. Or maybe dont have psychosis. But then something happens with my meds and it's like how I used to be.

That's why it's apart of the illness.. to think that you don't have it, the meds are poison - and when you're on them, you're better and when not, everyone that's trying to help are actually harming you and are enemies..

Messed up