Roll Call 158!

On the plus side you actually get paid to read....

This is weird but has been helping me. When I get stressed about something , I think what's the worst possible most outrageous outcome to some situation, and that would be death, (not likely) basically I'm saying that if something isn't going to literally kill me then whatever's stressing me out, I'll make it through

That's what I do. That exact same thing, and it calms my anxiety to the point where I wont freak out.

Had a package stolen off our doorstep

What was it?

I felt sluggish this morning and my pain tolerance felt really low. I didn't want to have a cold shower cuz I know it would feel horrible and it did.. But now I feel soooo much better!

I'd rather not say, for safety reasons. But it wasnt anything expensive.

Watching documentaries on Alaska

tornado watch today until 9pm, had to deal with a tornado warning earlier. I hate severe weather

Fiance is sick. Pretty sure he got it down there. Either from one of the kids or some hotel guest down there. Hes gonna goto the doctor tomorrow. Thank god he has sick days for work.

This is what I think happened;

Light aspie with OCD and ADHD, developed avoidant personality disorder at age 5-7, manic as a kid, got depression at 12 then severe depression and psychosis at age 16, took psychedelics, helped with aspie, OCD, avoidant and depression.

Now when the injection wears off, I get quasi-psychosis caused by autism which causes manic like symptoms. Then when it kicks in, my brain doesn't have enough neurotransmitters to BE MYSELF.

Unfortunately I got depression and that's the whole reason why I wanted to die. Now I don't have depression anymore cuz of the psychedelics.

I realize negative symptoms were caused by depression and prospecting personality trait instead of judging.

I'm getting sleepy.

Just realized how much I've gained over the past three months. I have to stop the APs. I can't keep gaining and get back to the weight I was on Invega that was horrible. When I was off APs for awhile I dropped 100lbs easily.

Talked with my friend "Tim". Met him in Tim Hortons again.

The things we talk about in public are ridiculous lmao. He said he finds me interesting (Even though I said I was a zombie from my injection) and wants me to meet his son. His son is a genius from the sounds of it. Tim said that if he gives his son a piece of paper, he can sit there for hours just writing mathematical equations.. He's studying to be a physicist or something..

My mom is feeling sick. I bought her three bottles of ginger ale, did the dishes for her and asked if she needs anything to just call or text me cuz I'm in my room. I asked if she took her beta blocker (I always do cuz she forgets.. I'm gonna get her a med box so she doesn't forget..)..

I have been ocd'ing about choking too. Especially when I have to take my huge potassium pill. I get scared everyday.

See if they'll let you take metformin. I still haven't asked the damn doctor here because she never comes see me even when I'm sick, but I'm pretty sure they won't do that for me.

Yesterday I was pleased to find out that the meds I took two nights ago were still working. All I needed to do was just top off with half a tiz and half an Ativan. Lately I've been feeling really crappy so it's wonderful to have a supply. I just hate to think of it running out because I doubt I can get scripts for them ever again. But I could die any time from an aneurysm or whatever, so I try to live for today.

Hopefully my friend and I will get to the vape store this week and I can buy a bunch of kratom and CBD. I still haven't tried a dose of 50mg, it probably helps a lot more than the 10mg doses I've got. I need to find if they'll help calm akathisia because I've been getting it bad lately.

I'll get two different kinds of kratom. The kpins used to be magic for akathisia. Ativan doesn't help it much unless I take two and then all I can really do is sleep. I wish my friend could stay here in my apartment. I always hate it when he goes home.

I hope my doctor doesn't get frustrated with me if I stop the two APs I'm on. I just can't do the weight gain anymore. Maybe I should talk to her first. Idk.

Talk to your doc....I don’t believe the Thorazine causes weight gain and I can’t remember what else you were on......

Hey bb, I wanted to say something.

Getting on a weight neutral med is kinda like half the battle.

I know personally, I cant eat candy and pastries anymore. It's just off limits if I want to lose weight. Diet is a much bigger thing, than exercise when it comes to losing weight. Many people say diet is 70 percent how u lose weight and exercise is 30 percent. Everyone has heard something a little different but its largely the same. Diet is key. I ate like crap during this vacation. I had 3 fast food meals, alcohol, and very fatty breakfasts. Keeping that up I'd personally gain tons of weight.

The past few months I've cut back on how much I ate. Having a job helped tons. I no longer have extra time in my day to snack. I personally dont eat breakfast really. If I feel nauseous with my new meds recently, I may eat like something very small, but nothing sugary. Like, a plain bagel. Bread has sugar in it, yes, but I meant like I dont eat donuts or sugary cereals/breakfast meals. For lunch, since I dont take lunch at work, i eat maybe a bag of chips from the vending machine at work, but that's it. I'm more of a salt-aholic anyway. Lunch is usually my time of time where I indulge very slightly.

For dinner is really where I've been shining. I eat tons of vegetables. But I'll make like spaghetti squash and put regular tomato sauce on it. So it's like I'm eating spaghetti. A lot of times I've been cooking rice, with veggies as sides. But I'll buy frozen veggies, and put my own seasonings on it. Theres some really interesting seasonings at home goods stores like ross or tj maxx. I havent exactly found where I could get a good variety of multi-blended seasonings. But my mom got me one at tj maxx or Kroger one, which is a regional grocery store. Its roasted garlic, roasted onion, and pepper in one bottle. I put that on steamed veggies and it tastes AMAZING.

That's what I've been doing right now. And I drink tons and tons of water. I only been walking at work really, nothing besides that. I know this may not be the best advice, since I'm starting out too, but I've lost 11 pounds so far in the last few months.

I found that CBD (100mg) works ok for dystonia when I don't take a Vyvanse. 50mg doesn't work too well. But just take max 50mg cuz it's expensive and still works good.

I've been finding it hard to lower my dose of phenibut to 1g (From 1.5g). I feel much happier and have cool interesting thoughts when I'm not withdrawing from it but it's harder when at the start of the injection. But I'll try lower it to 1400mg tomorrow. If that's too much then I'll lower it to 1450mg, then 1400mg, then 1350mg etc..

Meds are a roller coaster when it comes to weight issues. Some meds made me feel like I was always starving, so I'd eat and eat and eat to relieve the the starvation feeling. Then others I'd gain 55lbs in weeks like Lithium and Risperdone, then after that, I'd get back on a weight neutral, id be skinny again, then something else went wrong and I could no longer lose the weight. Now I hardly eat anything at all because of what these meds have done to me and I still would like to lose 40lbs. I barely eat anything at all. I just had to learn that this is my new normal, my metabolism crawls now, but at least I don't have that starving feeling...

I get the struggle, friends. I couldn't lose it on some meds, now I just barely eat anything.

((hugs))

Been backing up things to samsung cloud. I'm organizing everything. But I half organize and then go about doing other things.

Having OCD and ADHD at the same time is like a whole other different thing altogether..

ADHD: *Loses train of thought* and as soon as it *Wants to talk about something else*, OCD kicks in..
OCD: *NOPE. FIND THE THOUGHT. TRY REALLY HARD TO FIND THE THOUGHT*,
ADHD: "WTF DO I DO?".. *Thinks about other things..*
OCD: "WTF ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT"
RANDOM BRAIN: *Thought just floats past the two..*
OCD: "YES I FOUND IT"... *CONTINUES TO TALK ABOUT IT*
ADHD: "That was a boring thought anyways. I have waaay more interesting thoughts that that.."
OCD: "I DON'T CARE THERE MUST BE ORDER!! Usually the thought isn't found because of you!!"