Roll Call 158!

HUGS SP, glad everything went well. Will pray for speedy recovery

I work today, and tomorrow, and then I work Thursday. I took Friday off. Today has been okay. I'm kind of dreading my Skype session with Pastor T tonight even though I did all my homework. I don't want to meet with him or Skype him next week. I hope I can tell him that. I'm not *exactly* depressed, but I feel sort of at the end of my emotional coping skills. I don't want to have to try to do therapy homework over the holiday and I don't want to have to interact more than I already will have to. Sis and family decided to come Christmas day instead of the day after so my nice quiet Christmas went out the window. Now I am going to have a houseful. I keep wanting to SH though. Not sure what that is about. I'm at 6 weeks no SH though. HUGS all. Happy Christmas Eve's Eve! I spent most of the weekend at Church, volunteering, going to services etc. Tomorrow is the third most Holy day in my religion. Church tomorrow night. HUGS Kit

Good to see you Kit! Sorry about the SH urges, it's awesome that you've made it 6 weeks without doing it though, great job! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas 😃

I'm home!!!

Yeah! you got through the workday and now it's time to party!

Yayyayayayaya let's do this!!!

It's been a week since the thorazine was increased. I'll likely not start the wellbutrin increase until Wednesday, but hoping it all goes well. I'll at least pick up the prescription tomorrow. I can't wait till it's like 2 months from now and I'm stable for a good period of time and in my new apartment, that will be really nice

I'm basically going to get things finalized next Monday at the new apartment place, then hopefully I can move in in February.

So I was just going to share this because I thought it was funny. We’re in the car and my phone doesnt announce from google maps when plugged in for some reason so I asked to use the bfs phone. I was like do you have google maps he’s like no I normally just google in the browser. So I open safari and get the following message....you have 500 tabs open would you like to close those older than the last month. So I tell him you have 500 tabs open and he’s like what? Just open safari....I’m like it won’t let me since you have five hundred tabs open so he grabs the phone to see for himself, closes all the tabs and opens google maps. He totally had the app the whole time. I just couldn’t believe he had five hundred tabs...apparently he thought he was closing them the whole time lol.

That's hilarious, I've done that before and didn't realize they were open but never in the hundreds lol

Hahah that's cute. I have 50 tabs open. I just close the internet when I'm finished. I used to press the x, then I was like "what if I need this information again?".

Yeah i guess 500 is the max.......

I'm trying to watch a Charlie Brown Christmas but I can't seem to make any sense of it, brain feels fried. Even though I've watched it tons of times. Maybe I just need to go to sleep

I hope everyone's doing okay!

I'm just playing the waiting game for my book to be edited. I started an experimental short story of a wizard's journal, just going wherever it leads.

An interesting thought I had... I started to write about the stages of enlightenment, and it dawned on me that they closely resembled how a baby is born. Feel a force, with confusion and frustration, then blinded by the light, vision gets restored and you see things you've never seen before, and understand the world differently.

When it gets to like 40 I spend a few minutes closing the ones I don't need lmao

I want to go to Woodstock 2020..

Actually no.. It sucked in 99...

"Beyond Zero and One
MACHINES, PSYCHEDELICS, AND CONSCIOUSNESS

ANDREW SMART

“Andrew Smart deftly shows why it’s time for us to think deeply about thinking machines before they begin thinking deeply about us.” —Douglas Rushkoff, author, Escaping the Growth Trap, Present Shock, and Program or Be Programmed

“Provocative and cool.” —Cory Doctorow

“Forget the Turing test—will the supersmart AIs that we hear so much about these days pass the acid test? In this playful, informative, and prescient book, Andrew Smart brings psychedelics into dialogue with neuroscience in order to challenge the whiz-bang computational views of human and machine sentience that dominate the headlines. Giving robots LSD sounds like a joke, but Smart is dead serious in his critique of the hidden and sometimes dangerous biases that underlie both popular and scientific fantasies of digital minds.” —Erik Davis, host of “Expanding Mind” and author, Techgnosis: Myth, Magic, and Mysticism in the Age of Information

“Philosophy, psychedelics, robots, and the future; consciousness and intelligence, what else do you desire? Here you will see why those machines that reach singularity will be smarter than us and take over the world—and shall need to be conscious…and maybe they can only be conscious if they are human enough. The thesis of the book, and the path shown us by Smart, leads to a great trip, of imagination and philosophy, of maths and neuroscience.” —Dr. Tristan Bekinschtein, Lecturer, Department of Psychology, University of Cambridge"

This is my number one book that I must read cuz I found it after googling "AI consciousness and psychedelics".

I feel like I have to shy away from this type of thinking cuz I don't want to go psychotic..

Just reading the summary gives me hope even before reading the book, I have hope that reality is real.

My sanity has been restored. Finally.

took a small hit of shatter. Too much thc in my life. THC in s not the answer it’s a solution.

That better not be a gateway drug to shrooms and then crack/heroin!! Let me do more research first!!

Lol how is shrooms a gateway drug?

Shatter is basically pure thc abstract from the pot flower. Dabs, wax, shatter

FInished a 16,000 word translation in a few days. Now my brain is like jelly...

At the end of the injection, every single time, I feel alive. Like an inner burning fire that can't be put out... But with the "Medication".

I just want to stop taking it for a while and just live. I wish I didn't have schiz. "It's not fair" we say, etc etc..

It goes around in loops. But right now I don't feel like it's a real loop. This is the real me. I say medicated is the real me but this is realer.

I don't have schiz. But now it's too late. I should have never entered the mental health system. But I was suicidal. If I wasn't suicidal, everything would be fine.

But I get suicidal unfortunately.

Cant sleep. Too excited.