Roll Call 160!

I just had like a panic attack

My anxiety is so high past few days.

I hope your mom will get through the illness as fast as possible, and feel much better soon.

Thinking about stopping the Haldol. It just makes me way too sleepy and I can't handle that.

Oh, that's too bad.

I am so in reality rn

Like not losing touch with it at all. I'm not disturbed by it or anything

What will you try next?

That's the thing.

My only real option left is Clozaril, but that's far more likely to cause me to be sleepy than Haldol. I might just have to deal with the sleepiness but it's so uncomfortable.

Sorry you’re options are so few....does the haldol at least work?

Yeah it does. It works pretty well. Which is why the sedation is so frustrating.

It’s really sad to me seeing people that are around me fighting fire with fire. I used to be like that, what a dark place to live in. And they don’t realize that they’re doing that, they think they stand up for the right thing. They think they’re the good people by doing that. What happened to the compassions. It’s so sad. Just need to vent.

The sedation from Olanzapine never goes away for me. I still sleep a lot. I wish I could take some stimulant but it worsen my symptoms instead.

Time to join SnapChat

I did personality test on invega, vyvanse and phenibut and it said "INFJ"

Yet I feel so extroverted. I thought it would say "E something" but INFJ's are the most extroverted introverts.

Maybe I am becoming INFJ? That would be really cool cuz my invega/vyvanse/phenibut mood is the best..

I also feel like helping ppl more

Idk what stimulant is legal where you live but there's no harm in trying a very low dose to see how you do. Newtus did it (Focalin - Dexmethylphenidate).. many people with schizophrenia try it and most fail.. but worth a shot.. especially narcolepsy wakefulness promoting agents like modafinil. I think it was you that tried Concerta? Idk.. Someone here did.

I am completely immune to stimulant psychosis.. (Like how Terence McKenna was immune to paranoia from psychedelics..).. I took high doses of 20 different stimulants.. they were my forté..

I think some are legal here. I tried Concerta but it basically made the AP’s effect disappeared. I will try some others at one point but I can’t risk my stability right now, there’s many things I need to do this year.

Yeah just wait until you're stable for a while no rush That gives some hope for your sleepiness.. But there's many other ways to wake yourself up. I'm dependent on stimulant which isn't a good thing either.. I bet if i really set my mind to it, i could be content without it..

Yup, what is life without hope. The lights at the end of tunnel is what we need to keep walking.

Sleepiness isn't supposed to be uncomfortable.. It's supposed to be comfortable..

Antipsychotics have like a dystonia sleepiness like quality to them.. It's not real sleepiness..

That's why if I don't take a Vyvanse, I get pretty bad dystonia from the antipsychotics where it feels HORRIBLY uncomfortable and my muscles feel tense and restless (Probably a bit of akathisia as well)..

Movement disorder.. dopamine = comfortable movement so.. Cuz that's why they give L-DOPA (Synthesizes into dopamine in the brain) to parkinsons patients because they can't voluntarily move..

Had a really good day today. Went for a walk, went home then went to the street party to watch the fireworks, ate candy floss, chicken skewers, chilli, walked home..

I don't feel like writing all this stuff out right now. But I played with my cat for a bit. I let her go into the bathtub because she likes when I turn on the water for her to drink and look at me. Then I rolled coins on the ground for her to catch like I did with her when she was a kitten 12 years ago (She still remembers).

Then I started doing Tai Chi like movements in my room to music. That gave me an idea.. I'm gonna learn Tai Chi on YouTube tomorrow morning (If the Seroquel doesn't sedate the hell out of me with the Invega).. It will be awesome! I would be so ****ing good at martial arts cuz I'm so intuitive..

Edit: I know.. the phenibut has made me crazy.. Or I'm just my normal self..

This weekend went by too fast. I missed it. We need to start over.

Morning

Coming back to PsychCentral has really helped me better understand my illness and the effects of my meds. I'm so glad I've reconnected here!

Today is laundry day which I take to my folk's place and we have a nice long visit--my sister comes over too. Most of my social life these days revolves around family but that's okay. I talked with my T about joining a MeetUp social group and she said to wait until I start the volunteering as it all might be too much too soon. She's probably right.

It looks like it's going to be a gorgeous day out--Sunny and cool. Maybe I'll get out for a walk today.

Hang in there today people!

hugs, Ceara

I’m so tired 24/7 due to my meds

I’ve lost 5lbs since cutting out sweets, pastries etc. from 170lbs down to 165. I’ll eventually eat them again in the future but it will be after a long period of being healthy so when I do have a treat once in awhile I’ll have more self control

I suppose I was in a bit of psychosis at the end of the injection. It's not good to have those cool thoughts if I'm disturbed by things in reality - Although I can see how it could make someone a social genius.. Being so sensitive to reality socially.. When phenibut taken into account (Or any other antidepressant), I'm able to say things that disturbs other people without realizing it - Although I don't know if they realize it or not (I don't know how much they've lost touch with reality naturally - And that I'm just numb to normal things).. But I feel OK. This is fairly how mentally stable I've realized myself to be (At day 2 of injection + waking up in the morning from double Seroquel at night)..