Roll Call 160!

I can’t focus on reading my book for some reason. I’ve tried the past few days and I just can’t absorb the information. Idk if it’s because I’m exhausted and worn out from everything I’ve been doing or because I’m in a new environment.

Can you do an audio book instead.?

Yeah I could try that. I've never listened to an audiobook before

I did it! I wrote something this week!

The cloud of psychosis has passed, and now I'm faced with the fact that everybody knows because everybody talked. There was no hacking or gangstalking, it's just that truth willed out, that's Occam's razor, and because of the extreme nature of how crazy and radical my psychosis was, and the effect it caused, of course everyone would know because it was so crazy.

This doesn't make me feel much better. However, it explains everything. It all makes sense now. Now it's just a matter of how further it will spread. And all of this time I was on twitter yelling out into the void of how frustrated I was making an *** of myself. I'm such a fool, and it makes me look even worse as an individual.

God I'm lucky that my psychiatrist recommended me to exactly the person I needed. I see him Monday evening.

If it's Sophie's World, I completely understand. Philosophy is one o the most difficult things to read. It's so abstract and theoretical that sometimes the words just get lost and lose meaning.

I can't believe how stupid I am to not see this long ago. I mean, I made adjustments to not go to my hometown any longer, but there was still confusion regarding my circumstance, so I fell into psychosis again. There are still a few things I don't understand but screw it, I know enough not to worry about the details. Now I need to work on how to go from here. That I don't know what to do.

My therapist was wiser about my situation, and I think my psychiatrist told him what was actually going on, which I'm glad she did, even if I didn't.

I don't think I can do anything else about my situation though.

I am struck with fear regarding my situation. I am not comfortable with the truth.

Well I'm just gonna continue watching educational videos on youtube for hours and days or weeks to make my extroverted thinking stronger

Yes it is that book, I was really enjoying it but I guess I’ll take a little break till I’m through with the moving process. It’s stressful and my mind is a million other places right now. I think once I’m all settled in fully I’ll be able to get back into it.

I like doing that too , it’s fun to learn

Great job! 👍 😃

Had another panic attack. These two days just aren’t my days.

It’s early morning and it’s raining. So beautiful

Picked up one of the community calendars for this apartment. Only thing going on this month is tenants meeting on the 13th. They have movie nights though every week in one of the community rooms and holiday parties. I’m making Saturday’s my vacuuming and cleaning day.

Maybe you should taper more gradually down to the 200mg..?

I only have 200mg tablets, when she started me on it she went from 200 for a week then straight to 400

Is there any danger in going from 400 to 200? I do recall her saying I could take one tablet if two were too much

Oh, I see.

Probably no real danger, but discomfort might be there. If you had a pill cutter you could decrease by 100mg two or three times.

Yeah for me my mind was unsettled.. Like I was craving something.. I was thinking of taking a benzo to settle me but benzos are bad and it wouldn't work.. Olanzepine would just make me sleepy.. Maybe a Dexedrine would work but my doctor says he won't prescribe because I then won't sleep at night..

So I bought junk food... Now I'm just browsing through youtube while eating junk food..

I want to visit where you live. My dad used to work there and he'd bring me back these really cool tribal things like carvings, a dart blower, knives.. Cool things you can buy at markets I bet..

And something about the jungle I just love.. Rain forests.. The humidity and heat.., The food (Even though my Se sucks and I don't talk about food or drinks.. Just sugar..), and everyone has average IQ of like 110!

Cuz they must trip on some exotic psychedelic herb.. (And Yaba tbh...)

Yeah, that's probably a better idea. Maybe I should just stick with it anyway and see if things get better with exercise and healthy diet. I haven't really given that a long enough chance, and I really am afraid of risking the stability I have. I might get a gym membership. There's a treadmill in the laundry room but I don't know how to use it and don't want to fly off it, I'd just use it for walking fast.

It's hard to exercise in winter.. We need extra weight to survive.. Now we can import fruit from equator..

I'm so spoiled by my friend being here every weekend. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have brunch and go to the vape store.

Those little disposables are not illegal. Somehow there's a loophole for disposable pods to have flavors. I just love them but they're too expensive to use regularly. It's more cost effective to use my little Juul knock off with replaceable cartridges. I get used to the menthol after a day or so. But I still miss flavors.

Still using my open system mod and tank and juice. I'm going to try getting more juice from Vapewild soon, I hope I can.

Come here one day. The big cities suck but we have many beautiful beaches, forests, lakes, temples. We’re rich in cultures as well. The food is awesome. Some tribes are still holding on ancient traditions which is cool to experience. Exotic psychedelic herb got me laugh haha.