Roll Call 166!

Got my sisters epa/dha fish oil in the mail just now! Yes so excited! This stuff helps me so much. I noticed my cognitive and memory facets were declining without it!

I've been taking short cat naps throughout the morning today at work. Like I will actually fall asleep for a few minutes and start dreaming but then I remember that I'm at work, or the phone will ring or something and I'll wake back up. I do feel less tired now though I am still tired. I think I would rather just be asleep today than awake. Awake is painful. Sleep is bliss.

Feeling anxious idk why unless it’s heartburn. Mostly not tho.

But the fish oil...idk how to explain. I feel like I can think slightly clearer right now.

I think I'm about ready to cry right now. We're all going to die.

It’s okay if you want to cry, crying makes me feel better after that

I think my phone’s battery is starting to mess up again. I’m not sure whether my underground gangsta guy who I often go to still accept phone reparation.. His store must be closed though, I hope I have his phone number somewhere.

How was it, Falcs?

Got put on Fanapt, gonna start taking 1mg twice a day tomorrow, working up to taking 6mg twice a day.

I hope it helps. Let us know how it goes

Watching anime on Netflix and drinking some coffee. It's been a good day, I'm very thankful. I'm thinking of looking up some drawing tutorials maybe later or tomorrow so I can sketch something.

Hope the new med helps! @falcon09

My insurance won't cover Fanapt according to my doctor, but he can provide me samples every month if it works.

I don't love animals as much as my mom. She said if she won the lottery, she'd play piano for elephants, take care of koalas and tigers etc..

I have nothing wrong with people that are such free spirits. I wish I was one. I feel like I'll spend my whole life being analytical just to find out that all I needed to do was live - And reconnect with my spirit. That's what my doctor says.. He just wants me to have control to be happy with my medications and then just exercise, go to school, enjoy life, laugh, love, live. It's that simple.

But I'm like a philosopher. What puts me off about philosophy is that it's so ancient and people have written down philosophical ideas and died a long time ago. I feel that it's hard to idolize someone. The few people that I do have inspired me so much with art and inventions. I'm tired of talking about how aware I've become - But I have so much time left to go still. As I've said many times, I wish I became more mature a longer time ago.

I thought about becoming a biochemist. That would be really awesome.. Something like that..

To study animals wouldn't be what I'd want to do. I'd like to study plants and their chemical properties and how they relate to synthetic chemicals like their cellular mechanisms.

It's like I'm too out of touch with what life is really about. I only get it when I'm crying on ecstasy or laughing too hard, excited about something..

When people are excited and expect an emotional reaction out of me, I can't be excited with them.. Because it jinxes it.. I'm private and have a lot of inhibitions. I'm afraid when people don't realize that this is some sort of simulation. I'm nihilistic. I want other people to realize the optimism in that in order for me to have reassurance to be optimistic about it.

I'm a good person possessed by the devil.

Pharmacognosy Would be perfect for you, it’s a PhD but you’d get an undergrad in something like biochem.....it includes stuff like ethnobotany....

Is this how I become a western shaman?

I like it

Listened to a few lectures today. I think I'll listen to the name of the wind again on audiobook, or maybe game of thrones, or wheel off time. I don't know. Maybe I'll just keep listening to lectures so I have ideas for my little book on romanticism. My friend's copy of my book came in. I'm excited for him to read it.

It was a hot one here in Michigan today! SP, are you still in the mitten?

I've decided to make an "afterword" on my romanticism book on the state of the present regarding the topic, but no preface.

Spotify's playlists have been making terrible mixes for me lately. Electronic bumping music with no grit, it's not even dark, it's just beats. lol Is music getting worse? Maybe I'm just too old and can't relate, but that's what the young kids at work listen too as well and it's really nothing but beats.

Well I I think I will finish my episode o the sopranos and continue writing my introduction.

How can quantum physics explain that there isn't a floating orange beside us everywhere we go? What is colour? What is considered an actual orange? Go deep inside it's biological properties and genetics, it's use.. And combined with environmental factors - The fact that life reproduces, what will the orange be? What is life? Do oranges really exist? Or just in our minds?

I know I shouldn't take an olanzepine for thinking this stuff but I just want to ignore the mental pain and focus on the online course now.. But I also want to play guitar and read a book.. So many options..

I'll chose the online course and maybe the olanzepine will help me focus. lol..

Nope Chicago burbs at the moment...hot here too though....

Yes this is exactly how to do that

Oh man just saw a great job if I had my masters......I’m thinking of applying anyway just in case they are willing to wait or train or something.

Hands Up - Sam Sparro.

Listen to that song. It explains everything!

I’m putting my poetry (spoken word) on Spotify and Apple Music soon.

Good day actually. A little anxiety but I got through it with ativan and tree meditation (barely).

I scheduled an appt for an ultrasound on my uterus for issues I’m having. Called fiancés mom and talked a bit. Got bank stuff worked out. Got couple bills paid. Got my vitamins from my sis in the mail. Very happy for that. Got a nap in. Played with the doggos.

No writing or cleaning down as I said I would.

Got my uni orientiation on Thursday.

I feel lightheaded or whatever. Probably cuz I haven’t eaten.

I don’t feel like I’m going to be able to do 20 pictures in my poetry book. Not even photographs idk. Maybe I can.

I did nothing terribly important today except answer a bunch of questions on Quora and Reddit. I feel like it might be decent for professional success, though I don't really know. I guess I'll just bank on it helping me, though I'm not sure. I think I fail to engage in a lot of ways. I need to work on marketing myself, I guess, according to one of my friends. That's a hard thing! I don't know, it seems just a little counterintuitive for a philosopher to market himself. I think it's contrary to the task of a philosopher. I don't know where I am going with this, other than just lodging a complaint with how people use words, I guess!