Roll Call 170

I’ve been hypo and bought like a whole bunch of stuff to make my own computer and then I never made the computer. 5k worth of computer items. I ended buying a 1k computer like 6 months later that was store built.

I don’t have many issues with hypo, but full blown mania I was so close to writing a check for 100% of my savings to the food bank....

Hey people, I forgot to say thanks for the birthday wishes.

Anyway, I am doing fine today.

I think the meds are okay but now I'm concerned about being on too much stuff med-wise. I guess I just worry about it. And I taught a class last night and felt like a zombie during it. That is bad.

I don’t really have any epic war stories. Post it notes on walls, thought people were after me. Mostly boring stuff. I lived at home and was very quiet about things. Staying up watching live K-Pop shows and getting two hours of sleep like nothing.

Ooh! One time I went to write an exam and left papers all over the college with something I wrote exposing the ‘truth’ how the government was after me and I was an experimental cyborg.

Ah man, good thing I’m medicated. Those were not good times.

So, the class I taught last night just didn't go well. I guess I felt like I was talking the whole time. Which isn't necessarily good if you're not giving a lecture. I guess I feel like that is somewhat contributing to wanting to go off of Zyprexa and Xanax. I don't know. It's weird. I don't know why I have these thoughts about going off of those meds even after I've kind of confirmed that they are working for me. Hmmm....

Gonna take geodon and clozaril when supper is ready in 20 mins and hopefully that will help. I'm very paranoid

Uh, yeah, careful with those tattos, especially, the ones with people's names...

Oh for sure. I have five small tattoos all well thought out and planned. Couldn’t imagine what else I would have if I lived within walking distance while unmedicated hahaha.

Yeah, zombification is never good. Which of your current meds do you think might be not necessary or whatever?

It is really the rule in bp 1 for patients to feel they should d/c their meds. happens 8 katrillion time a day. All teh time. And people do it. They stop everything, thinking they are cured. In your case, if it is zombification, then, you rpdoc should be able to address that. Being zombified is not something you should have to put up with.

Maybe a lower Xanax dose worth a shot?

Hugs!!!!

Still awaiting that payment from the phones...

Yeah I think lower to no Xanax and maybe no Zyprexa. Because I was fine on the other stuff alone and I guess my pdoc just listens to me too much, which can sort of be a negative thing in some regards. I am all over the place usually, and him listening to me doesn't really help too much because we end up changing things a lot and then I'm stuck not knowing what to do a lot of the time... I wish he was more steady. Maybe changing pdocs is in order after all.

Omg...

Again with this dude throwing his hands into the fan cuz the VR. It was hard this time and I said “what happened?!” He was quiet. Said he was doing something stupid with his gun in Vr. Throwing it up in the air.

I said...”my VR over here getting beat up...you gonna make me so mad one day”.

It wasn’t a scam or something was it?

I don’t think so. I hope. They have bbb complaints but very few like 5 or 7 and they’ve been rated really good. And most of their complaints have been resolved.

How much Zyprexa?

He had me on 5 mg... So not a ton, but also not a little.

You almost dropped out of grad school though.....if you’re going to reduce meds I’d say that you don’t make any major decisions for a couple of months at least.

Yeah, good point. I just get anxious about meds, that they're not the right ones, or that I'm on too much, or that I need to switch pdocs, etc.

I absolutely understand. My pdoc wanted me off meds and so did I, while I was “fine” for nine months every day I was afraid I’d relapse , it just didn’t feel right and then one day I did......so we went for as low a dose as possible. 7.5mg abilify....my golden ticket.....not a zombie not psychotic.....abilify is nice because it’s a partial agonist so it’s more activating than zombifying....

I hope you find a golden ticket.....

Yeah but I talked to my mom and sister and then my dad through text to explain my confusion and feel a little bit better.

Also the fact that I've been lowering the phenibut has been making me so nihilistic. I went down to 540mg today and then just took an extra 700mg (1240mg).

It hasn't kicked in yet but I already feel a bit better. Anticipation placebo?

My reckless ~10-15k spending on chemicals that said "Not for human consumption" would have been considered mania but idk.

If I kept the bitcoin, I would have had 240k

I had like five bitcoin when they were really cheap! But I had no use for them and gave them to a friend who used them.

Would have been so much money now.

Glad you’re feeling a bit better....

OMG...the bitcoin!