Roll Call 181

we’re having snow flurries. I don’t want winter to go. I mean, I do want sun, just not the really hot temps. Spring is alright though, it’s not too bad. I’ll miss the snow though. Even though it is a pain to get around in because they don’t really shovel or salt sidewalks around here so I have to choose to either walk in the road almost getting hit by cars or walk on ice on the sidewalk slipping and falling.

I miss Christmas already. I have Christmas books and Christmas music that can remind me of it in the warmer months though.

Have a load of laundry in. And just took out the trash. Tomorrow I go for blood work , so I can start the new med.

My acne has been really bad lately. I think it’s because I haven’t been eating really healthy lately. I’ve been eating a lot of junk food (ice cream, cookies, etc) like way too much of it. And stress. I know those two things can make acne worse.

I’m gonna try to eat healthier, start washing my face with my cleanser again, and work on my anxiety.

It’s snowing like **** here.

Having a glass of wine. The last alcohol I'm having after tonight for the next month or so while I get used to the new med. I just want to give the med a chance to work

I tracked my stimulus payment on the IRS site and it said it's scheduled to be deposited into my bank account on the 17th, so St. Patrick's day.

Oh man, I want some French toast

If you wear a mask you need to wash your face after because it makes it worse.

Disordered eating thoughts popping up again.

I've been using acne cream since I was 18 - Doctor prescribed it (She was very nice. She asked me to tell the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with schizophrenia to put me on disability and use the money for school. She also told him to put me on Vyvanse instead of Concerta because it's better long term for the cardiovascular system).

I think the acne is finally starting to go away idk. I'm almost 25.

But I craved chocolate again last night! Olanzepine will make me 400lbs I swear.. Unless I get prescribed Dexedrines.. It was like I was starving for sugar. So acne might flare up again - Yknow what that means? More cream!

I making a friend in respite. Her name is Kara and she has cerebral palsy. The respite people showed us how to make cookies

Having one of my dissociating panic attacks again. Have to figure out how to snap out of these

A show I was watching yesterday had a character developing an eating disorder and I think it triggered me. I thought I was over that.

Are you still on increased Abilify? Despite its reputation as a weight neutral it’s not for everyone I gained 30 lbs.

Have you tried Lamictal? It's a bipolar/anti-seizure med. It's known for helping with dissociation. Since I've been taking olanzepine, I haven't had dissociation at all this year. The summer was bad.. Really bad - But I think that the olanzepine is healing my brain.

Dissociation is the worst thing that I've ever dealt with. It feels like you're going psychotic but you're not. At least with psychosis, it feels like a dream and you don't really know that you're in it..

Think about coping mechanisms, distractions, meditation, stretching, walking, journaling, food/lots of water/relaxing tea, talking about how you're feeling/texting family members, self care, tasks.. Life....

When I was dissociated, I was non-functional. But here's a secret - The fear about it is all in the mind.. The more power you give to it, the more it tries to eat you.. You could try and think of it as a positive thing/experience and it will be kind to you.. The dissociation monster..

I’m not on abilify at all anymore.

I’m on Lamictal and Olanzapine, work wonder too me. Good morning ☀️ I slept around 11 pm and woke up at 5 am. Feeling so well rested

Any AP will make you crave food like crazy.....so if you’re increasing anything or starting any new then that will have this effect.....

I've never been on Lamictal. Maybe I'll bring it up to my doctor once we're through with all the other changes that she's making. Dissociation is horrible, I hate it. I wasn't having it for awhile but it just started back up again recently.

I have an ice pack right now I'm using to try to shock myself back to the present. (with the coldness from it) and I just made a cup of chamomile tea. Maybe I'll watch an episode of Vampire Diaries on Netflix to distract me.

Thank you, I really appreciate your help!

I’ve gained on every AP except geodon but it also made me manic.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Talking to people irl is crucial I think, will you see your sister anytime soon?

The dark side. I've watched episodes about it as well.. I won't go into detail cuz you know.. But we all love you and don't want this to happen to you or anyone else..

Most times, I think that I'm over addiction.. I mostly am. I mean, who goes into a years long drug mania and then recovers so well? There's so many people that are overdosing more than ever and the same is with eating disorders - Cuz of the pandemic. So many things like this are caused by stress.

90% of my addiction is better. I still dabble in a few soft drugs.. Basically, the baseline for us is like normal life. So don't think of it as going back into the black hole. Why? Because you've been there already. It's not like the first time. And for me, if I got rewarded chemically.. It's much worse for you because it's the opposite - Motivated by feeling bad and culture..

It's all very complicated. If I was educated on English grammar or scientific research, I'd write books, blogs, etc.. It's all trying to understand certain things and we learn from each other - Support is key..

I know that you're over it and it's tempting but the temptation doesn't last. Be resilient during those times =]