Roll Call 181

I'm nervous for my nephew to go to El Salvador. Even if it wasn't a pandemic. But he is excited to go. So I am crossing fingers for him that he doesn't get sick and has a great time.

I got a proofreading job but the damn thing I don't feel like finishing. Due date is Tuesday!

Cannot do it!

partial hospital referred me to a new doc 2+ weeks ago.....i called tuesday and the receptionist said she was still "processing" my records....called partial hospital again today and they've heard nothing.

Why should it take so long to process records, I'm ready to see this doc.

That sounds frustrating @falcon09 how have you been otherwise?

I feel your pain.

I was referred over a month ago to a psychiatrist and still haven’t heard back from them.

I’m in the middle of a manic episode and still can’t see the psychiatrist right away wtf.

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I've been fine. A bit more stable on the clozaril now.....only side effect really is it makes me so freaking tired. I get paranoid sometimes and still have hallucinations occasionally but I'm definitely doing better

Sorry for not checking in here as much....hope everyone is doing good <3

Got injected with Invega Trinza.....

I feel that I’m too much that I’m annoying.

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Not here you're not. You're perfectly fine here.

Thanks I just feel like my psychologist feels she’s over her head talking to me, my doctor feels he’s over his head talking to me, my friends in RL don’t know what to say as I keep ranting about everything, the psychiatrist won’t even call me.

I hate to bother everyone with my problems and thoughts and I feel I’m exhausting everyone around me.

My mood has been elevated since January and I’m tired.

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You have soul exhaustion. You need a relaxing break and good meds. All meds are different. The chemical structures have no moral value.. Like meth for example as Desoxyn for medication..

Antipsychotics are derived from antihistamines or benzos. All sleep meds are benzo or derivatives of them..

Adrenochrome is what the elites drink from childrens blood and mix it with DMT - But that's not likely real. People have whacky ideas about everything.

Just know that as long as you feel in control, you're ok - If you think you're in control, you're most likely to be ok still - As long as you control the anxiety, mood etc with coping mechanisms, meds, support..

Mania displays symptoms of ADHD - And people with ADHD get mad abuse. I was abused by teachers in school and it probably contributed to my depression because I wasn't focused and just wanted to be happy - Rejected structure and moderation of things. I was the most popular in middle school though for being funny.

Good humour, no darkness stuff.. You don't have bad vibes, negativity etc.. Which can all be managed in anyone as well - You are a good soul. A tired soul though.. Study the mathematics in moderation, make way for expressing the mania through writing, journaling, maybe art.. The bipolar mind is full of emotional pain - Schiz mind is like a salvia trip and is dysphoric and painful thoughts.

I love you, man. You’re always great to talk to.

I’m trying to find things to relax but nothing is working I keep fretting about everything. Mind is too busy.

And now I’ve been thinking the meds are poison. I should take them but I feel I can’t trust them.

Everything is frustrating.

But you guys are cool. Thanks for being here.

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You've been doing a lot of studying.. School seems to be the biggest trigger for psychosis in people. It's stressful af. You're working too - Give yourself some credit ^-; The falling asleep to the TV can be a good thing - That's when you reason it all out.

I make sure that I spend 20 minutes to an hour just thinking about what happened during the day and what will happen tomorrow - Then I stop and allow myself to relax and fall asleep.. It's an open awareness meditation without the focusing on the breath.

Don't figure out things now.. The persistent harmful thoughts can be thought about later.. Cuz our thoughts are random we have 70k thoughts a day or something? Idk.. They can be programmed like a computer.

I got my proofreading **** done. So, I proofread (really, just edited) like 2400 words today.

Also, I have an intake for an IOP tomorrow. Cause I've really been going downhill lately. Ever since I had to come home from ****ing Argentina I have had a really, really tough time, like something isn't right. I've had SUCH a hard time adjusting. It has been impossible. No one gets my pain.

Also trying to be calm, sorry for the expletives, but it helps me sometimes to swear.

Earlier I was thinking of

I'm cool now though. Don't worry.

HUGS @WastingAsparagus

Thank you thank you. I will be good, I promise.

I bought some Easter lillies. They have yet to bloom.

I hate to keep posting - I feel like I'm spamming the forum. But I have to work next week and I'm kinda freaking out about it. Hopefully I'll get some consolation from this IOP program I'm doing.

Klonopin can cause depression, right?

Be careful with the Easter lilies around your cat.

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