Roll Call 181

im hanging out on the porch with boby until i have to go to work at 1pm. today is my Friday, so my weekend starts after this shift. i get off at 9pm. yay!

****ing love quantum physics. I got a book all about it and the theories but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Aww Boby is the best. I miss my cat. I have my dog she's being a brat not eating her egg that was specially cooked for her. She used to love eggs.

Hope you have a good day at work. I always found later shifts awkward because you have all this time in the morning that you can't really do much with.

yeah. since i get off at 9 and dont end up in bed til 1 or 2 am, i wake up later in the morning. i usually give myself at least 2 hours to wake up before i go in to work

Oh that's good once you get used to it.

Where is everyone else today?

I should try to focus on studying but I feel so distracted.

I wish I had the brain today to read this:

Philosophy of Mathematics (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

...what people don’t understand is, it’s hard living with mental illness when the people around you are annoyed with it. And when you try to tell them how u feel, you are shooed off by some stereotypical phrase or whatever. So it causes you to not to want to be honest about how you feel for fear of the traumatic effect of being shrugged off...

I totally feel that.

I opened up a bit to some RL friends but they seem distant and I regret it now. I never should have said anything to them.

Hell, I find it hard to open up to my mom and my sister for fear of judgement.

I feel like I'm annoying people a lot the last few months with all my struggling.

My job had some mental health in the workplace thing and they tried to encourage people to be open with mental health issues (they only talked about anxiety and depression though) and to talk to your boss about your problems.

**** that, I say. I don't trust not to be stigmatized for opening up to management or my coworkers. Even if I thought they liked me I wouldn't open up. They had an anonymous chat for the session and I said flat out 'I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone within the company about my bipolar and psychotic issues for fear for stigma'.

It's like everyone is supportive, until you don't feel well and let slip some symptoms. Then you're a bother. You're too complicated. Such a hassle. Annoying.

I rescheduled my sleepover with my sister to next weekend. I did something to my neck in my sleep and it hurts extremely bad. So I didn’t get much sleep.

But she’s gonna drop off my new laptop and new video game later today!

And my scentsy order will be delivered today! I ordered this really cool wax warmer and some of their scented wax cubes. I’ll take a pic when I set it up.

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I hope your neck feels better! It's the worst to sleep wrong and then that happens.

Have fun with the new laptop and video game!

A couple times it's happened where I just bent over to tie my shoes and I pulled something in my back. I'm getting old, apparently. Last time was late last year.

I've just been having such a hard time focusing. I can focus on staring at my phone for hours and chatting, but I can't focus on work, or school. My brain feels fried.

My exam is on April 11th. I have time to get it together.

Also doesn't help that this textbook sucks.

Almost midnight and I’m not sleepy yet. Aaa there goes my healthy sleep schedule

GO SLEEP!

Right now!

Screen off.

Calming waves.

I bought 3 packs of cigarettes and one of them has opened, no plastic and the seal is all broken. I threw it away, because it’s sus. There goes my $2 😑

Not sleepy yet

All the internet says about being unable to focus with bipolar is like... control mood swings, less stress, and eat well.

So ****** helpful.

If I stop smoking I can safe $60 a month but I need it

I would encourage you to stop smoking, but I get it if you don't.

I will try once the pandemic is over and I move to States. I will try to be more physically active to cope with stress better. Pandemic causes stress

Ha, pandemic causes stress. Exactly why I laugh at all those articles telling me to reduce stress.

Like c'mon, I'm working, I'm studying, and we're in a pandemic. How the hell am I supposed to reduce stress??

Yeah. I’m mostly worried about my family because they’re not as careful as me. Also, usually I go get a massage and swim to relax but can’t do that now

Okay I’m getting sleepy. Goodnight guys have a good day ahead

Yeah, I would swim and go to the gym. Relaxing.

Neither is happening now. I sit upstairs and work, then I come downstairs and study or watch TV, or crochet. I sometimes leave my house for food or shopping. That's all I do.