Roll Call 189

I'm sorry, I hate feeling that way. I hope you feel better, do you have any ginger ale? That's been helping me lately

Phenibut + Coffee and not eating maybe could be why. I called my mom to get ginger ale but she didn't answer. Her phone is full of glitches so I have to help her get a new phone and transfer everything.

The missing 30mg Vyvanse today makes me very tired. It makes me realize how bad the withdrawal would be if I just stopped taking the stimulant. I haven't missed a daily dose of ADHD medication in over 3 years.

I'm drinking another coffee - It might help.

Did you eat yet? It might make you more nauseous
If you drink another coffee without eating

Tv stands are too expensive...TVS ARE CHEAP THOUGH.......

I'm taking a little break from social media so I won't be on the next two days. Will see you guys on Tuesday

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I ate duck eggs. My mom brought ginger ale. All good.

Coffee helped quite a bit - But there isn't that calming dopamine focus. It's more like a scattering "Look at this! Wait, what?"

I spent over an hour with the most frustrating things by trying to get the 50 dollars I made from the Brave Browser into a crypto exchange. I had to verify my wallet, download apps, use QR codes, take pictures of ID, find passwords - While reseting my old computer, thinking about replacing the battery. I used a bunch of YouTube tutorials with many failed attempts. In the end, I converted the crypto and sent it to one of my wallets and realized that there's a lawsuit agains the coin so I can only access it when the lawsuit is over. At least then, I was able to get it out of my old computer so I could reset it and have it done and over with.

I never understood how a classmate in high school would say "Let's just get the assignment done and over with" - It was foreign to me. I always had like 10 assignments pile up and then had to finish them all at the end of the semester.

I've been procrastinating so many things but I went into the chat on this site and asked people what to do about procrastinating. I was told to just try something that I want to do for 5 minutes + If I have too many things to choose from, to write a list.. But I have a pile of lists.. I just need to have patience. I've been procrastinating fixing my the Dyson fan that my dad got me last Christmas for months - And then decided, I should just do it right now - So I did.. I Googled the support webpage and figured out why there was a whistling noise in 5 minutes (I had to reset the fan).

I Googled "How to deal with impatience and frustration" and found this article;

Patience - Stress Management Strategies From MindTools.com

"Although some people are naturally patient, the rest of us need to practice, for it to become a habit. Becoming more patient won't happen overnight, but persistence can pay off!"

I think it really is a skill. I think, if I don't give up every time I want to do something, I realize that the more I fail, the better I can get at achieving things idk... I've always had problems with impatience in school - I'd fill out multiple choice questions on tests at random so I could leave the class early.

We ended up getting the cheapest tv at Walmart but it looks great and we don’t need a stand for it so win.

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Starting to get super tired. And fat...

I feel fat..

I’m too lonely without social media I guess so I’m back already

Got a canister of decaf coffee to help me cut back on caffeine and save it for special occasions. Also gotta 48 oz bag of trail mix. And a box of 30 packs of goldfish crackers so I have some relatively lower calorie snacks than candy.

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We're officially into the season of Advent, watching live streamed mass on YouTube right now

I'm getting this fidget toy thing, because if my hands aren't busy then I'm picking at my skin obsessively

Amazon.com

Busy day at work today. Then I came home and didn't stop for a minute so I've been busy for 5 hours straight non-stop. I listened to a podcast about panpsychism in relation to physics and consciousness..

I'm gonna smoke weed only after times that I've been busy for a long time cuz once I'm done, my mind is still spinning while I'm still. Stimulant helps as well - But I'm happy that I gave back the dept of the one capsule that I took two nights ago so today = No withdrawal.

I'm horribly dependent on even 1/3 of my daily stimulant dose which is definitely not good. I'll have to ask my psychiatrist to do something lawful like a patient protection (If that exists?) because some psychiatrists straight up don't like stimulants and will take me off of them cold turkey without notice.

It happened before because a new psychiatrist said that "Vyvanse is like crack" and took me off of it. I slept for 10 days straight so my mom had to come in and demand him to prescribe it again. I don't abuse it anymore but after I did, my mom dispensed the pills.

Getting my abilify injection tomorrow finally

I'm looking forward to Thursday. I have a video appointment with my psychiatrist and I can show her my cat

I am doing pretty well today. Just skipped out on plans I had - that was the only thing I missed. It's fine. I'll survive.

I have to work on spending less money.

I'm basically doomed because I used so much drugs, escaping the reality of early stage global totalitarian rule. Now I have to go forward - And there's an extremely high probability that I won't succeed.

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

My zevia ginger ale is about to be delivered, it's 2 stops away. (sugar free, zero calories, sweetened with stevia)

God I'm craving Dominos pizza like crazy. Maybe I'll order some Wednesday

I love my cat, she motivates me to get up during the day. To clean her dishes, give her fresh food/water, scoop and/or change the litter in her litterbox, play with her. She motivates me to take care of myself because I need to be around to take care of her. and also motivates me to take my medication because I can't be hospitalized for mental health because I'd have no one to take care of her while I'm gone. I smile a lot more now that I have her, she makes me laugh everyday. I'm less lonely because of her. On Thanksgiving I wasn't crying because I was alone, I had her with me. I want to take care of her as best as I can and give her a really happy life.

That's great!

My sis is in the hospital again....she’s confused and having coordination issues.

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My mod got dropped and wouldn't work but then the maintenance man did something and got it working. I am so glad. I didn't get much time with it but some is better than none.

I wish I could ride my bicycle.

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