Roll Call 189

I’m down to 150 lbs. when I went to Walmart and they had a full body mirror I didn’t realize how small I am now. My size 10 pants are starting to fit better and some of my pants are too big. I asked my mom clothes for Christmas.

That’s great!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I feel low energy/motivation today

Have you tried meal prep? I always used to cook on Sunday and freeze some of the portions to eat later In the week.

Hugs desoxyn

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

My mom sounded better today and I'm so thankful. Everything she says is a hallucination but she was laughing at it so I'm glad.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

I'm asking my pdoc for a note for jury duty but I don't know if he will give it to me.

My left knee has been bugging me lately. I think I hyper extended it or something.

I hope it will heal soon. I have so much knee pain it's unreal. And my left hip, too now.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

HUGS Angelique

My therapist hasn't texted me back about the possible appointment this weekend. I feel really uneasy. Like something bad happened to her. Like hospitalization. Or she died. Or that she decided she didn't want to work with me and ghosted me.

HUGS to anyone who wants one!

I couldn't handle the apathy and lack of motivation. That's the thing about schiz that annoys my soul. Before it started, I was really sensitive emotionally.

Anyways, I took a dose of phenibut and a microdose. I realize that psychedelics are VERY emotional. But my goal is to be productive..

But eventually, one day, I'll move to the island.. And I'll be with my family. I'll then work slowly on building independence - Because I can't do it all at once no matter how much I think that I can.

Then I'll take a psychedelic alone and go for a long walk at night through the city, while it is raining.

I never visited that friend that wanted to hang out with me, play games, smoke etc or something cuz I feel like I was born yesterday - I need to put the puzzle pieces of my mind together.

I watched a Russell Brand video about meditation. He is one of my main sources for corruption news - When people become spiritual, they become aware of what is really happening in the world.. I know that you can be a genius and still lack spirituality - We need both... and all vibrations of thought, feelings and awareness of the cosmos/consciousness to truly know what is real.

It works the same for schiz, the paranoia, especially delusion.. Antipsychotics dim the light. It's like finding a hiding place after you've been running instead turning the light on - And facing the demon. For me, I did it in a controlled way, both.. But no one will ever believe me - Cuz it's the mystery of my solipsistic mind.

On a dark solipsism note, if I kms, my cat would be left with my mom - Even though the whole world doesn't exist anymore and I'm in a different place. The cat will be with me in some sort of heaven (I hope) with my mom, family etc.. So it's both.

My cat is sleeping with me right now. She - And everything, is OK!

I always feel like I'm too tired to meditate though

Too much nicotine gum..

I finished reading The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living by Meik Wiking.
It was super good. I'm going to implement hygge into my life more often now.

I finally took a shower after 4 days without one. It felt good. I'm trying shower more often. It's hard sometimes though. But I'm working on having better hygiene.

Now I'm going to read one of the Christmas novels ebooks I checked out from my library.

Have my self-care art group tomorrow. Last time she said we'll probably be doing something holiday themed since Christmas is soon.

Oh yeah, the treadmill on my floor of the building is working again!! So I'm going to start using that a lot again. Excited.



Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

My psychiatrist gave me one last time I got summoned for jury duty. I couldn't handle it

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

I'm excited about Saturday. Hanging out with my friend and we're going to play one of our living card games. Maybe watch a movie too. I like going over to his place because he doesn't have internet so its kind of like a break from being connected 24/7, and spend more time in the present moment having fun with someone. I turn my phone off and don't check it the entire time I'm there.

I will feel bad about leaving the kitty alone for a couple hours though.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

I just realized I've been getting up in the morning way too early. I got up at 4:30 the past two days and I feel exhausted. I think I need to sleep in a little more.

Have group in 2 1/2 hours from now. Looking forward to it

Our work Christmas party is tonight. I'm not really looking forward to it. I was until my "date" started dating someone and I told him, "never mind." At least it is at a really good Italian restaurant. They just have really crappy parking.

My meds are kicking in and I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Idk if I'll be able to make it to group. I'll see how I feel in an hour then decide

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Ever since I started the naltrexone I get extremely tired in the afternoon

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

My pdoc is going to send me a letter for Jury Duty .With hallucinations all the time I don't think I should be serving on a jury. The practice manager is actually going to take care of it.

Feeling super good today. Extremely clear minded.

Not sure what to do though