Roll Call 203

Going to the food pantry tomorrow morning

Hello, I got a iPad. It arrives on/by Wednesday. It’s the 9th generation one, I also got a case and screen protectors for it. Super excited about it. I’ve never owned an iPad before. I have an iPhone but never an iPad. So so so hyped. I might eventually get the first generation Apple Pencil that’s compatible with it and give a go at digital art.

Anyway, I’m doing well. I vacuumed and did laundry today. Feeling pretty good. Tomorrow I have a volunteer shift with the kitties.

I’ve dissociated maybe twice in the past couple weeks. Idk it feels like it’s happening less than it used to which is good. My anxiety is a little better too.

I had a violin lesson last night. It went well. Have a lot to work on between now and my next lesson.

I got some McDonalds tonight. Also got some new games on Steam. Fae Farm, Coffee Talk 1 and 2, and Tavern Talk

Feel like Pdoc thinks I’m crazy. I’m so scared of what he thinks of me

Hugs.

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Hope you are all doing well, it's been a bit since i've posted. Was going through a really hard time, but I am doing a little better now. Trying to quit smoking, I am on day 1.

Trying my damndest to not dissociate all the time. I have a therapy appointment on Friday and we’re doing more EMDR. Idk what really to expect from the next session cause it’s about something that gives me a lot of anxiety. All I can do is hope for the best. I might have to see if my psychiatrist can prescribe me something for anxiety. I have been trying really hard to not have to do that but it’s been so long and it’s not getting any better. There’s only so many distractions I can throw at it. It’s almost constant. I am probably just gonna see about getting back on propranolol for it since that helps my panic attacks. I definitely don’t want to go back on klonopin. It helped a lot but I’d like to avoid being on something that addictive.

I've been smoking since my birthday. Those awful but cheap "cigars" that look like cigarettes. I'll go back to vaping at some point. When I have a decent supply I usually smoke 2 per day. I've been remembering more of my dreams lately. It's such a gift. I hope everyone is well. I took a break for a few months.

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Had a good appointment with my psychiatrist. He increased the Thorazine back to 200mg so I can sleep better. Also he prescribed vitamin d3 and at a lower dose. Cause he had prescribed a different formulation of vitamin D before and at a higher dose and I had a lot of bad side effects (gastrointestinal) so hopefully this kind works out better. I also have an appointment with my regular medical doctor tomorrow. Just to discuss what we can do if this doesn’t go well with the vitamin D3. Since my vitamin D levels are very low. But who knows maybe the different formulation at a lower dose I won’t have any problems with. We shall see. All the other meds are staying the same. (My abilify, trileptal and Zoloft).

I had a good appointment with my doctor. He’s always fun to talk to. We talked about anime some and music and Halloween, bubble tea and Japan. He’s visiting japan next year. He’s my favorite doctor. I’ve been seeing him for a few years. He’s relatively young and very easy to talk to. But yeah he cancelled the vitamin d my psychiatrist prescribed and prescribed it at the lowest dose instead he said we’ll just take it slow and test again in 3 months to see where my levels are at. My levels were at a 9 in June. Which is very low.

Next step is to make a dental appointment in week or so to fix my crown

We also talked about biofeedback and like training my heart rate to be lower. Cause it gets high often due to anxiety.

Oh and I almost forgot I need to go get my covid and flu shots. I'm gonna try to do that before the end of October.

I am trying to make a serious effort to lose weight because I’ve gained quite a bit and it’s not good. So I’m trying to stop binge eating and boredom eating. Eat more healthy overall, at least much less sugary junk food, no more bingeing, and try to increase my exercise significantly.

I find it's easy to be extreme on matters such as these, for me, at least.

So, I try to eliminate one thing at a time. For example, in the past month, I've almost completely eliminated sugary beverages such as Coke.

That is not to say I don't have the occasional Coke or lemonade, for that matter, but I have seriously tried to drink water only when I go out to eat or whatever.

I feel depressed. Suffering. Nothing to say anymore.

It's just a pure overwhelming sadness.

Something that I refuse to let happen until my death, you guys know what I did...

I'm trying to prepare what to say to my psychiatrist...

That’s a good idea. Right now I’m just eliminating sweets. Like candy, ice cream, pastries. Well not eliminating them but not buying them and bringing large quantities home cause then I binge on them.

Hope you feel better Desoxyn, it’s good to see you. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing

I’m doing really good. I’ve been exercising everyday. And it’s helping my anxiety and irritability and my sleep. I’m also regularly practicing violin now most days. I kind of was going through a depressive phase I think for awhile. Cause I wasn’t doing much of anything for a few months. I’d always end up laying around most days. But I’ve been really active lately. Been feeling good. Been working on eating healthier.

I think I’ve found a good balance of activity and down time finally. I tend to do both in extremes but now I’ve found a balance of doing both. Like today I took the bus to the grocery store. Used their coinstar machine. Came home. Then walked to family dollar and bought 20lbs of cat litter. Carried that home. Took a shower, got on the treadmill for 30 min. But also spent time watching shows and playing games. Got my 10,000 steps in. But still spent time relaxing and didn’t feel guilty because I got a lot of activity in too. I’m trying to not do too much of either activity or downtime in extremes anymore.

Tomorrow I have my volunteer shift with the rescue cats, treadmill, violin practice and cleaning my apartment. But am going to also spend time meditating and reading and playing some games. So yeah balance.

Monday I need to go pick up my meds. And the new vitamin d. Wednesday there’s a class in my building being done by a nutritionist on nutrition so I’m gonna go to that. And Thursday evening there’s a chess/game night which I’m going to as well. I’m hoping to find someone to play chess with. Friday I have my therapy appointment. And Saturday I’m walking down to the Italian bakery/cafe that I won the gift card to and using up the last of the money on it to get a large caramel macchiato. Those are the plans for the week

Excited to see The Lord of the Rings War of the Rohirrim in theater in December and Nosferatu which comes out then too!

Also excited for Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas!