[whoswho]

I love math. I've always loved math, even if I'm not the BEST. Maybe in the top 10%, but not the best. I finished all the math courses my school had to offer (they only went to Calculus I) by my junior year, so I decided to take Calculus again AND take a new math class online, as a "supplement."

Of course, that was a stupid idea.

I have an 82% in the class, after failing two consecutive tests. I really don't want to continue the class anymore, because I'm obviously too dumb to absorb the material. I asked my mom to withdraw me, but instead, she went on this ridiculous "you can do it!" crusade. NOW, because it's been longer than 30 days since I started the class, I can't even get my money back (if my mom had withdrawn me from the class when I asked her to, she could have gotten a FULL refund), so that's $500 down the hole -- money that we could've used to buy GROCERIES instead of this. Instead, she asked my teacher to give me a "pep talk." I'm so sick and tired of this class! It's been a trigger for SI-ing and this stupid depressive episode I've had. I've already embarrassed myself enough failing these stupid tests, so I don't see the reason to continue.

The rational part of me realizes that it's stupid to completely intertwine my self-esteem and self-worth to a grade percentage, but I can't seem to help myself. Even for an honor's Statistics class, an 82% is like a big "F" stamped on my forehead. I'm such a compleate failure, and I'm honestly considering of abandoning all hope of applying to college, even though I've been contacted by University of Chicago, Caltch, and Rice (as well as smaller, local colleges) to apply to their engineering/science programs. How would I ever succeed in Caltech if I can't even do a simple Statistics class? If I stay in the class, I'm so scared of failing another test; but if I leave, I'm only proving what a failure I am. I guess it's really a lose-lose situation.

[Christina86]

I understand how one's self esteem can be impacted by how well you do academically, so it's not stupid - it's just not the healthiest thing to do.

I'm astonished that you can have that grade percentage after failing two tests! That's amazing, really.

Have you talked to a school counsellor about this at all? It sounds like it's something that you need to be able to work through. And don't abandon hopes of attending college, because I think you'd be awesome at it!

[Bill3]

How are your other classes going?

[LivingMiracle]

Failure doesn't mean you are a failure... it just means you haven't succeeded yet. ~Robert Schuller

Failure is an event, never a person. ~William D. Brown, Welcome Stress!

You always pass failure on your way to success. ~Mickey Rooney

Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it. We learn only from failure. ~Kenneth Boudling

In nursing I use these a lot this semester cause I know how you feel. Good thing is though if you believe that you are NOT a failure, it can really help you succeed. I was so surprised once I got these quotes from my professor and believed that I wasn't my grades skyrocket and I started passing my exams. They are not instant fixes, but you sound very bright to me. Don't get down on your self about this, its gonna be okay. Its only first semester, but I think your in high school and not to sure how that works there but you might still have a chance to bring your grades up. I got my F to a B in 3 weeks if that tells ya how down I was on myself. If you need anything let me know. Many hugs to you if okay, hang in there

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. ~Booker T. Washington

[whoswho]

Thanks LivingMiracle... I loved those quotes...

I think I'm just too scared to tell anyone that I'm miserable, and in a lot of pain... and I just needed to vent, to tell someone about the situation, even if it's not important and doesn't really matter... I'm being melodramatic and overreacting to a situation that can be easily remedied, but instead I'm choosing to break down. I feel very one-dimensional, without substance or essence, who just clings to one stupid thing to keep a very tattered self-esteem afloat on my own sea of worries and insecurities... I'm just trying to say something to SOMEONE before I go do something stupid, but I just feel embarrassed and attention-seeking, so I'm probably going to stop there...

"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." ~Benjamin Franklin

[LivingMiracle]

We hear you here and we are listening to you. Vent all you need cause someone will always respond to you, PC is filled with great people. If you want feel free to send me a pm sometime and you can vent all you need to there as well. We're listening to you. Safe hugs for you

Success: To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Rmdctc]

I am so sorry you feel like this. I have had to drop out of a couple of math classes because I just didnt do well in them. I hated feeling that way. I hope the class goes better for you soon.

[Gabi925]

Therefore you passed! I am so glad; even I knew that you'd do it!
: hug :

I passed by and didn't have time to write then. But I thought of your story as my child loves math too. But we all have up and downs. Are you doing math on music?

[whoswho]

Thanks everyone for your support... I feel a little better today, because I got an acceptance letter in the mail for a college I applied to last month... I guess it was the stupid "ego-boost" I was looking for (god, I'm pathetic!). Anyways... I submitted ANOTHER test, so I'll see how it goes, and if I fail THAT, I don't know what I'll do! But I'm going to try and be optimistic about this, and not use it as an excuse to totally freak out again.

(This is an online class, so it's not like I have a counselor to talk to. Even my regular school doesn't have a counselor, which I thought was really weird! I asked the secretary about it, and she told me the principal also functioned as the counselor--and who would want to talk to their principal about something like this?)

[Bill3]

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a little better today.

Congratulations on your acceptance!

You would feel quite uncomfortable revealing some things (that you might discuss with a regular guidance counselor) to your principal.

[Trying & Caring]

I am old (55) but I was very perfectionist in my school work (had low self-esteem so getting good grades was basically my only claim to fame) so in my jr. yr. of college I found out I was getting a B in a science class. I couldn't stand it as I had a 4.0 & could not accept being brought down so I dropped out of college completely!! Very rash behavior but I was not dxed or being treated for my bipolar then so I did things like that--very black & white thinking. Now, of course I regret it greatly & realize that graduating is so much important than your GPA. My husband was not much in the grades dept. but he had a lot of drive & confidence (wish I could get some from him) & found his "passion" & ended up getting a Ph.D. & has done very well in his field. But he is so even-keeled emotionally it drives me crazy sometimes! No anxiety...

[whoswho]

Honestly, Trying and Caring, I would've probably dropped out if my mom hadn't kept me in the class... I get so impulsive when I'm like that, and everything's just black and white. It makes me wonder how I'll deal being on my own next year...

[Bill3]

It makes me wonder how I'll deal being on my own next year...

Is there anything you can do to start to prepare yourself?

[whoswho]

Is there anything you can do to start to prepare yourself?

There's probably a lot of things I could do. I probably need some kind of mood-stabilizer medication and I should probably see a counselor because I'm getting more and more erratic as time goes on. I just don't want to get my parents involved with anything; I don't want them to know I need help. Since I'm technically a minor, that poses a lot of problems. I guess waiting it out one more year won't be a big issue... Heh, I've already been off medication for 5-6 years. And like I mentioned earlier, my school doesn't really have a counselor (goodness, my principal is so intimidating, plus she's never around anyways! I don't know, my school is retarded ). I'm just worried about going to college and doing something like I did in this instance -- when all rational thought flies out the window and there's no one there to stop me from doing something impulsive. Hopefully... I can get some medical/psychiatric help when I'm older, if I can ever get over my fear of doctors! *sigh* I feel like I'm a lost cause sometimes...

[Bill3]

I'm just worried about going to college and doing something like I did in this instance -- when all rational thought flies out the window and there's no one there to stop me from doing something impulsive.

Maybe there are ways to work on being less impulsive?

[SilverNeurotic]

Have you considering finding a tutor? One of the math teachers at your high school is bound to be able to tutor you in stats (even if they don't officially teach it). If not, perhaps you (or your mom) can contact the local community college and see if you could hire a college student who may be majoring in math to tutor you.

Since it's an online class you are essentially teaching yourself...perhaps it's just a matter of having someone teach it to you first-as that's how you probably learned the other types of math you've already taken.