[Elana05]

Does anyone else find a link between these two? For a month I was studying right along. Then my therapist retired I became depressed again. I found that when I picked my books up the major negative voices started. Basically, they tell me I can't do anything. Even if I can, I shouldn't bother since it is not meant for me. I hate it. I mean, I'm glad to spend a lot of time here at pc, but I am also completely procrastinating because I hate hearing those voices. One thing I did do was make myself a new schedule. Only... I feel so down today... everything hurts. I guess one just needs to push through. Any ideas on pushing through would be helpful.

[Fresia]

I hear you on this. My anxiety causes me to procrastinate too and it is worse now after last semester. The one class, no matter how much I studied it was like hitting my head against a wall. I have extreme fears and anxiety over it happening again as these are subjects I know so little and know I will need help. My inclination is 'why bother' and I am putting things off now. Very difficult to get moving, depression is setting in, and in the end I know will only make things worse. T is gone on vacation for 3 weeks and struggling.

I am going to try to take little steps, a moment at a time, little things to get started. Perhaps will feel better if do this and more will happen in the end. It is hard to have hope about it right now though but doing nothing is not working either.

I really wish I had something for you. I look forward to the other posts as I need help with this too now. Thank you for posting Elana05! Best wishes!

[Elana05]

Fresia,

Baby steps are the key I suppose... aren't they?
I'm sorry to hear your T is gone for a while. In the past I've wanted to say, "Wait, let me pack my bags, I'll come with you."
Hang in there...
It is heartening to hear you speak of the same issues.
I guess my partner is sort of an example... she suffered for 12+ years with depression but came out of it and she is now in grad school and doing very well. I guess every day I ask, will I be able to do this? When will I get my energy back? When am I going to feel better?

E

[Perna]

I'm sorry you feel so bad now, Elana. I think it does take time to grieve and make peace with major changes in our lives (your therapist retiring). I think sometimes other big things, like school and how difficult it is, get in the way with their largeness. Eventually, with school, I had to remind myself that it was just the "next step" the next paper or test, I didn't have to "graduate" tomorrow and figure out the rest of my life, I just had to study for the next little bit. It took a long time but I was able to quite worrying about the end of the course, the final exam and how hard the work looked for the end of the course, etc. when I was only starting or in the middle. Keep breaking stuff down and it might not make you quite so anxious?

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Perna

Eventually, with school, I had to remind myself that it was just the "next step" the next paper or test, I didn't have to "graduate" tomorrow and figure out the rest of my life, I just had to study for the next little bit. It took a long time but I was able to quite worrying about the end of the course, the final exam and how hard the work looked for the end of the course, etc. when I was only starting or in the middle. Keep breaking stuff down and it might not make you quite so anxious?

Hi Perna,

Thank you, I found this very helpful.
I think I also did not realize that the depression has made me more of a perfectionist. If I can't do it perfectly, then forget it. Right now I'm studying chemistry and it has so many parts. Don't get me wrong, they all seem rather interesting to me. That's the problem. I read one sentance in the book and I'm like, "oh, wait I don't know about that yet." Then I have to go read 2 chapters on something else, sometimes spending 2 hours on it. But at this rate the whole thing could take forever and I'm not too young. I also get down on myself because I feel that I slow the process way down. The only reason I'm doing this is to feel more secure in the class. But I seem to be both putting it off and drawing it out as long as possible. Then I just get down on myself and scold that it's beyond my reach so I shouldn't bother. Ugh. Just have to shut down the voices.
Anyway, thank you.

[RecklessWithMyself]

Elana, I've had this problem before - everything seemed so overwhelming, I'd procrastinate feeling like I couldn't do any of it. Especially as it gets closer to the end of the course it felt like if I did it wrong everything would be useless and for nothing. I guess I felt like I was running out of time and it made me more anxious that I was procrastinating as I wasn't getting anything useful done!

If you're still having problems with this near exam time or an essay deadline I suggest talking to your course tutor as they may be able to give you some help - I know I didn't and my last year of university suffered a lot for it. I have a friend who spoke to someone and got an extension and in the end did a lot better and I still regret that I didn't do this!

[laur88]

Ahhh I totally know what you're talking about! My anxiety gets in the way of me getting stuff like papers and presentations done. When I try to start working I get overwhelmed and then all I can do is think about how much I have to do and how anxious I am.

Breaking things down into little steps does help. It makes it seem like less of a big deal if you have small steps that lead up to the big end product.

I also really have a problem with procrastinating. I've found that the farther ahead I start something, the better (although getting started is always hard...). This helps to keep my anxiety level down because the deadline is so far away.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[southernbelle88]

I'm actually procrastinating studying for my midterm right now. It's wednesday and I don't have my study guide completed yet. My fiance works nights and him being gone makes me anxious plus the added anxiety of how much I have to memorize and study and that on top of everything else i have to do gets me so panicky that I get nothing done and fall even further behind. Glad I found a place where people can relate.

[Perna]

I find studying a subject, "messy." Yes, you read this and that takes you to that which implies the other, etc. but I have learned it's all good in the end. Staying a little focused at first, getting the overview can help; leaf through the chapter to be read and just read all the headings, count the pages, read the study questions at the end, etc. And, when you start reading, have a piece of paper handy and write any "distracting" thoughts or ideas and make yourself at least read a whole section before allowing yourself the treat of looking up and following the thoughts and ideas. Maybe make a pact with yourself to read until you have 10 thoughts or ideas written or X number of sections/pages, etc. and then take a break by allowing yourself free rein of the internet to follow your new interests? Use the distractions to keep you going and to fight the depression! Being interested and depressed at the same time is hard

The voices are harder. My courses were online and I rarely did much textbook reading or didn't read it in order. The more rigid the book (like chemistry, math, computer science) the harder time I had. I'm taking an anatomy and physiology course at the moment, for "fun" :-) and it's online and though I have 100% in the two lessons, quizzes and writing, I've done so far, it's getting harder, because it's self-paced, to go and work. I hear some of those voices, questioning why bother and how silly it is to want (I don't need it for anything at all, it's wholly my choice to take this course, remember!) but I keep reminding myself of my reasons for taking the course. Not that I need it for anything or that there's others out there who want me to take it but that I am acting on my own interests. You say you find the chemistry interesting, remind yourself of your interests and pursue them. I got a "D" in chemistry in high school and made sure I didn't take physics as a result, because I was sure I would not do well. Well, I've taken science courses with physics lately and I'm back taking chemistry-related ones and I'm doing well and I have to keep juggling the two time periods in my mind, reminding myself of what is "true" about my life and what is different now, from then. I am doing these things and the main difference is "who" is behind my doing it -- Me.

[kriya6]

I've been really struggling this term, well, all terms, but this one is the worst yet. I'm in three online classes, have a spinal cord injury, bipolar and some type of panic disorder. My stupid psychiatrist flat out refuses to prescribe any medication whatsoever, she said (and tell me how absolutely backwards this is) "Once you can show stability for a few months, I'll consider it." ??? really? I'm kinda under the impression that a huge part of why I'm losing it is that I"m NOT on meds for my bipolar. I am on the verge of dropping out of school, literally 2 weeks before my "graduation" (tho the financial aid department lied to me when they said that my tuition was fully covered by loans and until I pay off this out-of-the-blue $1000+ balance, I can't graduate or get transcripts).
But- to touch on the anxiety/procrastination thing. I think it's normal for them to go hand in hand. What happens when something makes us anxious- we avoid it, which when that something is homework, becomes procrastination. I've been terrible with it this term, being so anxious that I am spinning and just can't even think about school, let alone actually do anything with it. The perfectionism doesn't help either, but that's a double edge sword- it's what gets me A's when I am able to do the work.
Good luck, hang in there, and all the other useless cliche's I know they don't help me, but always say them anyway, lol

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Perna

I find studying a subject, "messy." Yes, you read this and that takes you to that which implies the other, etc. but I have learned it's all good in the end. Staying a little focused at first, getting the overview can help; leaf through the chapter to be read and just read all the headings, count the pages, read the study questions at the end, etc. And, when you start reading, have a piece of paper handy and write any "distracting" thoughts or ideas and make yourself at least read a whole section before allowing yourself the treat of looking up and following the thoughts and ideas. Maybe make a pact with yourself to read until you have 10 thoughts or ideas written or X number of sections/pages, etc. and then take a break by allowing yourself free rein of the internet to follow your new interests? Use the distractions to keep you going and to fight the depression! Being interested and depressed at the same time is hard

The voices are harder. My courses were online and I rarely did much textbook reading or didn't read it in order. The more rigid the book (like chemistry, math, computer science) the harder time I had. I'm taking an anatomy and physiology course at the moment, for "fun" :-) and it's online and though I have 100% in the two lessons, quizzes and writing, I've done so far, it's getting harder, because it's self-paced, to go and work. I hear some of those voices, questioning why bother and how silly it is to want (I don't need it for anything at all, it's wholly my choice to take this course, remember!) but I keep reminding myself of my reasons for taking the course. Not that I need it for anything or that there's others out there who want me to take it but that I am acting on my own interests. You say you find the chemistry interesting, remind yourself of your interests and pursue them. I got a "D" in chemistry in high school and made sure I didn't take physics as a result, because I was sure I would not do well. Well, I've taken science courses with physics lately and I'm back taking chemistry-related ones and I'm doing well and I have to keep juggling the two time periods in my mind, reminding myself of what is "true" about my life and what is different now, from then. I am doing these things and the main difference is "who" is behind my doing it -- Me.

Hi Perna,
Thanks for this. I could really relate to a lot of what you said. We change and grow. I spend too much time wishing things had been more stable for me to be able to study well right along. I look at other people who have good jobs in science, medicine, even computer programming and I wish things had turned out differently for me. On the other hand, things have really smoothed out over the last few months (with the help of a few years of therapy). So if I have to start now? So be it. I am really trying to work through the idea that there is no "normal." We each have our own path and no path is better or worse then another, just different. I can understand where you are coming from in taking these online courses. Anatomy and physiology, how wonderful. What mysteries, what beauty. (OK, and also a lot of terminology to memorize LOL). Over the past year or so I have also found myself thinking, "why this stuff? Why couldn't I be interested in something else that isn't so endlessly complicated?" On the other hand, where else am I be able to sit down and focus for hours at a time? I figure if I am disappearing into this crazy stuff for hours at a time only to emerge and say, "wow, how did it get to be four o clock?" then this has to be worth something to me. And if it is, so be it. We're all allowed our interests... Aren't we?